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Height is constantly being brought up among friends


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Ever since I moved to a new state and made some new friends, almost every time I spend time with them someone either tries to belittle me for my height in a joking manner or brings up in conversation about how they don't like to date shorter men or that short guys are disadvantaged. To be realistic, most of the experiences are due to this one guy getting drunk and taking his insecurities out on me, and I do sort of enjoy the back and forth with him because he is pretty bad at it and I enjoy watching him back down when he knows he can't carry on.

 

However, last night one of my closer friends here is talking with one of our not closer friends and she pulls the whole no offense but I wouldn't date short guys after dating this last tall guy, and also brought up the whole shorter make less money get less promotions thing. You know, one of those no offense but I am going to offend you things. I told her that was bs and she somewhat backpeddled. It made me think, what if I said no offense but I don't date people of your skin color. People make assumptions about me because I am 5'6'' because they read a study that talks about a scientific correlation or the media has convinced them that all short people have some sort of demeanor or disadvantage. That is just straight up prejudice. I can understand that women want to feel protected and their instincts assume that a taller men can do that because that is how it makes them feel, but it is pretty ridiculous if you think about it. We live in a cushy little civilization where your chances of a few inches on a guy who needs to save you from a situation of rare physical harm is going to matter or even occur.

 

But I do know that I am just whining here, not proving anything. I know that I can only do as much as you can do for any other prejudice. My only real issue is that when people appear to be only seeing my height. These people are supposed to be my friends, they wouldn't seriously make fun of my religion or my race, so why is it not insensitive for them to talk about how they think I am inferior for some other arbitrary reason. I have never felt insecure or like a victim about being short, but ever since I graduated college it seems like some people are trying to make me feel that way. Its bizarre, I didn't even know I COULD be considered short until a few years ago. I know who I am and what I am capable of, but sometimes these people seem to make assumptions about me because of my height. I come from a family of Olympic athletes and academic overachievers so maybe I am some kind of exception, but given the benefit of the doubt to others like me, and having been alive and experiencing the world for 23 years I don't really think that is true. I am really disappointing in my friend if for anything then lack of sensitivity. I didn't really tell her that. I suppose the casual conversations and the blatant attempts to belittle me by a drunken fool are to be differentiated. I can handle the actual attempts at insult, in fact I see them as an opportunity to be clever lol. Its the other thing that irks me. I would like to see how others might react? Any advice?

 

Thanks

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It made me think, what if I said no offense but I don't date people of your skin color.

 

Y'know, I think that's a very good comeback to those remarks!

 

You could think of your height as a litmus test for shallowness, though. Girls who are shallow enough to turn down a great guy just because of conventional societal prejudices about height & masculinity--and worse yet, would say those offensive things to you about it!--are not the right girls for you.

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Hmmm.

Well, here's the catch: like it or not there are prejudices that can present challenges.

 

Experiences and studies show that in many circumstances, 'attractive', tall, straight, white males do automatically have an edge over people who are less-attractive, short, non-white, gay, transgender or female.

 

This does not in any way mean that 'attractive', tall, straight, white males deserve such an edge.

 

If your friends are opening up some sort of debate about prejudice, then that is entirely different than if they are making digs.

 

The best tactic is probably to smile and say "no offense taken"-- and mean it.

So you're short? So what? If you feel like it, roll with the debate in a detached way.

Hold your own, and hold your head high.

 

If it turns out that these acquaintances really do see you as inferior, then it's time to find new friends.

My guess is that they're just being insensitive-- possibly because they themselves don't see being shorter-than-average to be anything that you should feel insecure about.

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If I come off as po'd I think they will jump to the stereotype of angry short guy, when in reality I would only be po'd if they assumed that I was po'd simply because I was short! It's a vicious cycle. But I am more disappointed with them then angry, I am honestly not bothered easily its more that I feel like I should take a stand when something messed up is occurring. Also, I don't want to seem like I am running away. But maybe I will try it if the circumstances are right lol. I thought about just saying, I'll pass on this convo sarcastically and just leaving, that could be fun!

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I wouldn't take that crap. If you take it/accept it they'll just keep doing it.

 

A good way to shut them up and gain respect, is to be proud of you're height and just kinda of "own" it. It's you and it can't be changed so might as well like it and be comfy in your own skin right?

 

Another good/great tip is to comeback at them with jokes and make fun of them. Once they know you have a quick mouth on you and aren't afraid to use it, they won't dare poke fun at you.

 

Also, don't laugh their jokes off - something I'd maybe be guilty of doing. Just remain serious when they say stuff like that so they know you're not laughing with them.

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If your friends are opening up some sort of debate about prejudice, then that is entirely different than if they are making digs.

Thanks for the reply. No its not ever some kind of debate, usually a comment or opinion. Like I said the actual attempts at an insult are actually fine and/or dealt with.

 

The best tactic is probably to smile and say "no offense taken"-- and mean it.

So you're short? So what? If you feel like it, roll with the debate in a detached way.

Hold your own, and hold your head high.

This has been my strategy thus far, but with the difference that if I think they are saying something that is offensive on principle I think saying no offense taken would be letting them be prejudiced. Doesn't really make sense, of course that doesn't mean I have to tell them I am "offended" either. Either way, I don't want to make it about my emotions.

 

Experiences and studies show that in many circumstances, 'attractive', tall, straight, white males do automatically have an edge over people who are less-attractive, short, non-white, gay, transgender or female.

 

This does not in any way mean that 'attractive', tall, straight, white males deserve such an edge.

Indeed, it sucks when people assume that you are part of that scientific correlation. We are naturally likely to make assumptions based on what society teaches us is 'probable'. Stereotypes. I read a lot of studies about a lot of subjects, there are actually a lot of potential explanations for this, but that is not why I brought up the topic. However, your statement does bring up a candid scenario replace height with any of the other categories that you mentioned in these 'normal conversations' that I am referring to and they immediately become inappropriate despite being no more or less controllable or (given the right context) meaningful then height.

 

If it turns out that these acquaintances really do see you as inferior, then it's time to find new friends.

My guess is that they're just being insensitive-- possibly because they themselves don't see being shorter-than-average to be anything that you should feel insecure about.

Yea, bringing it up just makes me look insecure, avoiding it makes it come up more often and makes me fit the stereotype of passivity (ex: if I let someone talk about how they wouldn't date guys my height because they are inferior right next to me). If I were to ask a friend if they thought I was inferior because I was 5'6'' I think it would be set in stone that I was insecure to them.

 

At least these sorts of experience can help me avoid being bigoted. If you notice something about someone you should make your best effort to not assume that they are one way or another even if "most" people with that characteristic are such. Seems like a pretty basic lesson.

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so which is it ? they're stereotyped as angry short guys or they're stereotyped as being passive?

 

So you don't wanna say anything to them, you don't wanna not saying anything to them.. you don't want to walk out on them.

 

I get how this would annoy you, thats why I say either walk out or tell them to get over themselves, let them know they offended you, i doubt they'd do it again...

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I can understand that women want to feel protected and their instincts assume that a taller men can do that because that is how it makes them feel, but it is pretty ridiculous if you think about it.

 

To me, having a taller guy, isn't about 'feeling protected'. For some reason, i would feel uncomfortable being the 'taller' one. I am 5"11, and am in heels most of the time, so at least 6 feet, i would feel uncomfortable.

 

I would probably dismiss a lot of GREAT guys, because of their height. Stupid isn't it!

 

But dont allow your height to ruin your life. If people have a problem with it, its there problem. As i said above, i probably do, since i would date a shorter man, but its my issue.. a lot of people have them. Its no different to people preferring fat or thin in some ways.

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