Jump to content

Tori1188
Is My Relationship Over - Signs
Is My Relationship Over - Signs

Recommended Posts

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year. And for basically...a year, we've been having the same fight. About my past.

He can not handle my past because he thinks I was too promiscuous. But he can't look past that fact to realize that I wasn't just doing it because I was horny. I was in a bad place to be making decisions and I made them anyway, and I can't take that back or control that.

I've learned my lessons though, but no matter WHAT I say, "actions speak louder than words". Well NEvermind the fact that these "actions" happened 3 or 4 years ago! and Nevermind that I've been a good girlfriend for over a year, waited for him to come from touring the country for the first 8 months of our relationship! Never lied, never cheated and spoiled the hell out of him!

He's insecure because he thinks I want hours and hours of sex and orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. and because he can't do that he thinks I'm going to leave him. And I can tell him "No I only want you, I'm satisfied with you, everything's perfect." til I'm blue in the face but what it all comes down to, for him, is that I'm no better than my worst moments? That's bull * * * * .

 

I told him a year ago this is where we'd be, and I understand this is about his insecurities, but I can NOT sit around to help him work it out if he's just going to basically call me a * * * * , and treat me like * * * * the whole time.

 

But... I still don't know how to end it...I'm REALLY in love with him and I can't stand to be without him now. I broke up with him once which was really rough on him. He lost his temper. He wouldn't let me leave him and I turned right around and took him back. But I don't want to be a sucker and do that again.

 

So...Now what?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He lost his temper. He wouldn't let me leave him

 

Whoa. Hold on there...what did he do, exactly? Not "letting" you leave him sounds a bit ominous to me.

 

Also, how does he communicate his unhappiness with your past? Does he put you down about it or question you about it or what?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He just made me feel guilty. He communicates about it only when something comes up that reminds him of my past. Like last night he stopped at the gas station where my ex works. He KNOWS my ex works there and he STILL went to the gas station. And ever since then he's just been feeling down. And he get's mad at ME. and he talks down to ME. and asks the same questions every single time. I'm tired of giving him the same answers. He's said that He believes my past more than my word. So basically nothing I say matters.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You can NEVER EVER change your past. So theres no point feeling guilty, you were a different person, who made mistakes and LEARNED from them, which is great and he should admire you for being who you are now.

 

Nothing you do or say can make this better because he can't get over your past and you cant change your past

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Partners have to accept each other on the whole, this includes the past, and being able to weather an unpredictable future (illness for example).

 

People change, and often for the better, as it sounds like you have OP. Sorry to say, but if your current partner can't get over your past, then you've got a serious problem. The whole temper thing wreaks of insecurity and abuse (mental and possible physical).

 

Time to throw in the towel and maybe have a restraining order on the ready.

 

-Kevin

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And he get's mad at ME. and he talks down to ME. and asks the same questions every single time. I'm tired of giving him the same answers.

 

Stop answering those questions and stop participating in these conversations. You need to draw a firm boundary line and let him know in no uncertain terms when he steps over it.

 

If he starts asking those questions: "I've answered that before, and I'm not going to answer it again. I'm done discussing this subject with you." Walk away if he won't stop.

 

If he tells you about stopping at the place where your ex works: "I am not interested in hearing about my ex-boyfriend. Please don't mention him to me again. I suggest you choose a different gas station from now on." Walk away if he refuses to change the subject.

 

If he starts talking down to you: "It's not OK for you to talk to me that way. I'm sorry you are having trouble dealing with my past, but at this point it's your problem, not mine. If you can't handle it without insulting me, you're going to have to leave."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If it's been this way for a year and you got enough red-flags to predict this....then where do you think you'll be in another year??

You can't change your past so whatever issues he has with it, he'll likely always have since it'll always be the same.

Get rid of him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Man that reminds me a lot of my relationship with my ex... I broke up with him once before and he had a terrible temper and never really forgave me after that. Finally after getting back together for like 4 months after our 1st break up, I broke up with him for sure. Because he didn't change at all and didn't think of me and what I wanted. It was very difficult. Don't get me wrong, I really loved him but he wasn't the right person for me.

 

Sounds like for your situation, you guys need to break up because it will continue no matter what. He is who is he is and you are who you are. No one is going to change themselves. Some people are just not meant for each other. Sad truth.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...