Now what?

[emptyinside70]

After not talking to my ex in two months, I finally decided to call her and apologize almost two weeks ago. She took it well, asked how things were, but didn't share any details of what's been going on with her. It was a 2 minute conversation at most.

 

She broke up with me three months ago over another reason and has never has told me to leave her alone or anything like that. The way she left things two months ago was by saying bye in a text and then I never contacted her again till recently. I also know she has a new boyfriend, but she didn't tell me anything about that.

 

So my issue is that I told her in the past that I couldn't be just friends, and now I know I can't be anything other than friends. Now that some time has passed I want to open up the door to friendship again, but I'm not sure how. I know it hasn't been very long since we last talked, but I feel that she isn't going to be the one to call me before I call her. Should I just wait, send a friendly text, or do nothing and forget any type of relationship with her?

 

BTW, this is only in this forum for views, not because I harbor any hopes of getting back together. Thanks.

[late bloomer]

EI70, first you need to pat yourself on the back for having the dignity and self-esteem to initially not call/contact your ex after she broke up with you.

 

Second, it sounds like there was something on your mind during the time apart that you felt you needed to apologize for which sounds like it helped lighten your conscience. Good for you again.

 

My question is do you have any thoughts of wanting to be back with her again? Not an easy question to answer for most of us that have gone through breakups with someone we love, care for.

[WindowTo]

Why were you apologizing to her when she broke up with you and has a new boyfriend? Why do you want to be friends with her, is that really worth it? Won't it be hurtful, frustrating, and slow your healing process?

[jul-els]

If I know someone isn't going to bother making the effort to call me then I don't worry about it. I just move on.

[emptyinside70]

I apologized to her for accusing her of not being there for me when I was down and for not being a good friend when in reality she was busy with family and was still trying to help me, even though I didn't see it that way at the time.

 

And she got the new bf two months after we broke up. So it wasn't like she left me for him.

 

As for the wanting to be with her part, a little part of me maybe still does due to the the attraction that was there, but the logical side, sees that she has a kid and isn't right for me in other ways. Therefore a LTR with her isn't going to happen at this unstable point in my life.

 

Just sad, I'll be 35 in 2 weeks and still pathetically alone.

[jul-els]

Absolutely nothing wrong with being alone. And you're not pathetic.

[late bloomer]

Sadness sucks; sometimes it's best to let it pass through us. It seems pathetic at times; there are a ton of people i know out there in relationships they KNOW they don't want to be in, but are because they don't want to be alone.

 

That kind of deceptions seaps into every aspect of their lives....deceiving the other person and more importantly deceiving themselves and robbing themselves of the opportunity to let the uncertainties of life FORCE us to rethink ourselves, our wants and all.

 

All this soapbox talk to say, yes it does suck being alone and I really don't believe most people who say they are fine being alone. Hang in there.....that's my climactic finish to this post. Leos are dramatic people...I know...I'm one. Maybe plan a great time for yourself for your birthday where you can do something that YOU truly enjoy. It's not the same thing as spending it with someone you love and care for romanitcally, but you still deserve to be celebrated.

[emptyinside70]

So I've read a lot of threads here that warn not to contact an ex when they are the one that says they need space or to leave them alone, but it would be different if that hadn't of happened. But no answers are given on how it would be different. I'm asking again what to do when that is not the case and someone wants to gradually restore a friendship?

[bexcelant]

difficult...I know that friendships can happen but really all the psychologists recommend about six months of separation after a breakup before any type of reconciliation towards a friendship can happen. That's mostly so both of you can heal and become friends in a new and different type of relationship. Most couples cannot do that and the percentages of couples ending up as friends after the breakup is small.

[emptyinside70]

Thanks Bex, another contradiction is that often ENAers say that once 6 months has passed then it's too late to reconcile. So when the initial relationship was only two months long, should that differ? I want to beat the odds and willing to do whatever it takes. I'm not good at maintaining even platonic friendships with other guys and want to know what I can do differently this time and in the future.

[Puckdog27]

Thanks Bex, another contradiction is that often ENAers say that once 6 months has passed then it's too late to reconcile. So when the initial relationship was only two months long, should that differ? I want to beat the odds and willing to do whatever it takes. I'm not good at maintaining even platonic friendships with other guys and want to know what I can do differently this time and in the future.

 

Often most of the ENAers that say that are full of BS. No one knows. People reconcile after years, and sometimes people never reconcile.

 

I hate when people set timelines on what can and cant happen because it causes desperate people to commit desperate acts when they hit a certain point on a calendar. The only advice you should ever take to heart on ENA is No Contact, and even at times thats not the best answer.

 

The fact is, most reconciliations are after a period of time greater than 6 months.