NatNat Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 My Fiancée talked to me the other night about this and told me that if we sold the engagement ring he gave me he will be able to clear all of his debt and that would be able to help him EXTRAMLY. He wouldn’t have these big credit card bills he has to pay every month witch includes the 295.00 plus 150.00 every month on another card. If you all look at my previous thread about all this people know exactly what’s going on? My first reaction was HELL no this is the original ring you gave me…what should I do?? I need some serious advice… Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Wow. That would piss me off. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Is there really no other way? And when does he plan to get you another ring? mo money mo problems Link to comment
free2Bme Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 yeah! I'd be pissed! How much would you get for the ring? Would it just cover a few monthly payments and then he'd be back with the same problem? Link to comment
Kumatora Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 So is he breaking the engagement up? That would be the only reason to sell an engagement ring. And by the way, you won't sell an engagement ring for a good price. The most pawn stores will give you is $25-$30. I used to work in a pawn store and we had a huge inventory stock on engagement rings (and as some of us joked, broken hearts too). You can try on Ebay and Amazon, but you still won't be getting a lot of money to pay back credit cards since a lot of people with broken engagements have tried selling their rings on there as well. Honestly from your past threads, this guy does not know how to manage his own money. This WILL cause a divorce if you chose to marry him. Guaranteed. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 This is a bit of a difficult one. It would make sense for him to pay off his debt, which would take away 450 dollars in bills EVERY MONTH for you - that's a big deal! That would probably also help ease some of the strain that money is putting on your relationship. Do you feel very sentimentally attached to the ring? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Don't part with your ring.... There are other ways to save money......You had a lot of great responses in the other thread. keep the ring. Link to comment
free2Bme Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 This is a bit of a difficult one. It would make sense for him to pay off his debt, which would take away 450 dollars in bills EVERY MONTH for you - that's a big deal! That would probably also help ease some of the strain that money is putting on your relationship. Do you feel very sentimentally attached to the ring? yeah but is it 450 every month for the whole life of the debt? Link to comment
kevinm Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... HOWEVER... from the budget you posted the other day, you've got quite a few other things to do on the list that will help ease the strain of your bills. Personally, I'd never ask for a gift like that back... never. It would be your call. I wouldn't have even mentioned it as a possibility because breaking my lovers heart would be at stake... far too sentimental. Work on the other things myself and others mentioned to get your bills under control. Selling your stuff if kinda a last resort option, and though it may FEEL like you are there, you're not... not when you've got a $90 cable bill and other things you can cut. -Kevin Link to comment
Portage Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 It is just a ring. IF a couple loves one another that should speak for itself. I'd rather clear the debt and purchase a ring when one can afford it. added stress when it can be easily rectified IMO. A no brainer. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 It is just a ring. IF a couple loves one another that should speak for itself. I'd rather clear the debt and purchase a ring when one can afford it. added stress when it can be easily rectified IMO. A no brainer. Ya, seriously. I don't see the big deal. Maybe I'm just too practical. Link to comment
InBruges Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I think that says a lot about what type of person he is. I've sold things in the past to pay debts, but they were my things. I can't fathom asking someone to return a gift to me so I could sell it and pay debts, no matter what the situation. And an engagement ring is a rather special gift, according to most people (I actually don't believe in engagement rings and I think it's a gimmick created by jewelers, but that's not really the point). Asking for any gift back is no bueno. I would probably give it back to him calmly. Then let him find you and all your stuff gone one morning as you vanish completely from his life. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Looking at your other threads I think there is more to this ring issue than just financial. The relationship the two of you have is quite dysfunctional and asking for the ring back after you have already had a broken engagement and got back together is like throwing more salt in the wounds. Normally I would say that if a couple is having financial problems they shouldn't buy a ring in the first place..and if they are really desperate then of course sell the ring. In this case, however, I think his desire to sell the ring has more to do with how he has been treating you in the relationship in general. It is yet one more "slap in the face" so to speak. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Looking at your other threads I think there is more to this ring issue than just financial. The relationship the two of you have is quite dysfunctional and asking for the ring back after you have already had a broken engagement and got back together is like throwing more salt in the wounds. Normally I would say that if a couple is having financial problems they shouldn't buy a ring in the first place..and if they are really desperate then of course sell the ring. In this case, however, I think his desire to sell the ring has more to do with how he has been treating you in the relationship in general. It is yet one more "slap in the face" so to speak. i have to agree. Link to comment
savignon Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 The relationship itself seems to be a bigger concern than the ring. Whether you sell it or not, work on fixing the real problems. Maybe if you sell *this* ring and make a new start of sorts by working out the actual problems between you two, then the next ring he gets you can symbolize a fresh start once the debt is cleared and your relationship is healthier. Link to comment
Sn0man Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I wouldn't sell the ring, especially since if you are making payments on it you don't really own it yet. I looked over your monthly payments in your other thread and it sounds pretty reasonable...the only thing i'd do i's change your car insurance from fully loaded to basic and that would probably save you anywhere from 50-75 a month. Other than that your bills sound really really low -- especially your rent (I have to pay $1700 a month here which is rediculous at best!!) Your fiance should be looking for some form of employment - you should not have to get a second job. Get him looking in trades, there's always something there even if it's not very desirable, but it'll still bring in $2000 or more per month from him. Keep the ring, and find a way to bring in extra income. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 If he's responsible enough to ask you to marry him, he should have figured out right from the beginning on how he was going to pay for it. He had to have known that he had those credit card debts before he went out and bought that ring. Since he has no job, and from your other posts, he doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get one, I would re-think getting engaged in the first place. By the way, how can you sell that ring, since you're still paying on it? Link to comment
MissKnowitall Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I'll probably get alot of flack for this one but love doesn't really overcome all obstacles and finances are in the top of reasons couples don't survive. It's right up there with cheating. #1 I never advise marrying a guy if he's on the brink of bankruptcy or has out of control debt. He needs financial counseling and perhaps a second job. Is this how you want to start your life together? Pawning your prized possessions because he has out of control debt? What happens when there are kids in the picture if you plan of having kids? Will you be able to rely on this guy to help provide for a family? He can't even provide for himself. #2 A little background on what an engagement ring was originally intended as. Your dowry. If something were to happen to him or if the relationship didn't work out you are supposed to have it so that you can pawn it to provide for yourself in his absence. I know times have changed but to me (and my opinion may not matter all that much) there is something fundamentally wrong with asking for the ring back after gifting you with it. Especially if its not even in the context of a break up. He obviously has issues with finances and I'm not saying you should end the relationship, but perhaps postponing your wedding plans until he becomes financially responsible. Don't you deserve to start with a stable foundation? Link to comment
NatNat Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 Ok, you all are getting it all wrong. My fiancée have served this country for everyone’s freedom. He has been in the Army for 6 years. He has been to Iraq 3 times. He just came back in February from Iraq. He always had a steady income with the military and decided to get out because of ME because he wanted to get married and start a family. He didn’t get out at a good time obviously because the economy SUCKS!! He has looked and looked and looked for a job and cant seem to find ANY JOB!!! He is depressed because he has never been through this and never thought he would have to deal with this and now we are facing. You all say he has problems with his money…no he doesn’t;…he just never though that would have happened. My fiancée is a educated man with several security clearance there is just NO ONE hiring! I am going to talk to him tonight and let him know we are selling the ring and I am also cutting off my phone service. Link to comment
NatNat Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 I love the ring. I don’t want to give it back. I will probably cry when I do. He got the diamond Kay’s Jeweler and they told him he will get the amount he paid for the diamond. That would be 3 grand right there and then the band is platinum so that is worth about another 2 grand because it has diamonds going all the way a round. The engagement won’t be over just because we are selling the ring. We will still be engaged…Ill get some fake ring until he gets back on his feet to get me another and I will ask him to re propose to me. I love this man and I am willing to stick with him through thick and thin…I really don’t want to do this but it sounds like it will be the best choice… It will take away his $300.00 payment on credit car $150.00 off another credit card AND $120.00 of a the Kay jeweler Credit card Almost saving $500.00 PLUS im going tonight to cancel my cellphone and that’s another $130.00 He needs to keep his incase job offer calls him! Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Is there something else you guys can sell? Link to comment
InBruges Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Well of course I wish you the best of luck with everything. Maybe we do all have the situation wrong. But I have several friends serving and I know that deployment pay is substantial. With 3 tours, if someone is decent with finances, they should have a lot of money saved. But I don't know all the factors... maybe he spent it all on a house or something. In any case, I'd advise you to still remain objective through everything and not let emotions blind you to anything you may not be seeing. Good luck. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Its good you are willing to give it up for him and im sure it will hurt to give it away Are things getting better between you now? Link to comment
hers Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 You never responded to the other thread. Some of us offered sound suggestions for saving money. Selling the ring should be the last resort (though I agree that the relationships is completely dysfunctional). Link to comment
NatNat Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 Thank you for asking…Our relationship is doing a lot better. I think for a few months I was freaking out about the situation witch put more stress on him and our relationship and that when we were fighting the most. We had our big talk last Monday about it all and both decided to make changes in the both of him witch has been done so our relationship is going a lot smoother. Instead of freaking out about the situation we are in we are finding ways to make it better. I am willing to cut my cellphone off also I was going to find out why cable is so damn high because Cable is already build into our rent. Also I will talk to him tonight about the ring…it makes me so sad But what can ya do? Link to comment
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