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My self-esteem is at an all time low


blackglory

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The longer my husband and I have been married, the more insecure I seem to be.

I recently had a child; he's 19 months old now. I am also rapidly approaching 30.

The changes that the pregnancy made on my body have made me feel less attractive, including the weight that I have yet to lose (about25-30 lbs).

I am starting to develop "crow's feet" and lines under my eyes; I just generally feel unattractive.

Including to my husband- which he's given me no evidence that he feels that I am less attractive. He loves me the way I am. I can keep the weight or lose it; he did call me "pudgy, but far from fat."

I'm thinking, yeah that really helps! Tough spot for him though, and he was honest.

I see these models and remember the days when I was a size 4. I can't help but to keep comparing myself to them.

Now all of the sudden when my husband so much as notices another woman I am angry and jealous. I don't usually express it to him though. I realize it's natural to notice when someone is attractive; heck I notice it myself.

It's challenging for me to go to him for reassurance. When I do, he says a couple of really nice things and then ends the conversation because he doesn't want to hear me talk down about myself.

I understand that; I don't like hearing him do that either.

The issue is not really one of the relationship, as it it my issue. I've come to the conclusion that I am projecting it into the relationship, which inherently is making it a relationship problem.

I just don't know how to raise my self-esteem. I don't want to continuously rely on my husband for it and it is my issue. He's great to provide the reassurance that he has but I really want to stop being jealous because he notices another woman. He doesn't even really "check women out."

This is terrible and I hate it. I don't want to feel this way anymore.

If anyone has any tips for me as well as my husband and I, it would be greatly appreciated.

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The best way to boost your self confidence is to DO something. Start working out. Walking in the evening. Buy an aerobics video and workout in your living room. Cut out sugar from your diet. Being proactive makes you feel better because you are doing something, not just sitting around wallowing in self-pity. So, get up and DO something.

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The best way to boost your self confidence is to DO something. Start working out. Walking in the evening. Buy an aerobics video and workout in your living room. Cut out sugar from your diet. Being proactive makes you feel better because you are doing something, not just sitting around wallowing in self-pity. So, get up and DO something.

 

Wise words!

I probably should've clarified that it is not a constant feeling: it doesn't happen all the time, just sometimes.

But those sometimes are driving me crazy- and making it worse because of the back and forth of it.

I would argue the "wallowing in self-pity" aspect, but I do understand how whiny my post actually sounds.

But you're right, perhaps taking a more proactive approach would make me feel better.

I just haven't felt the same since my son was born. Is that natural?

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It's natural to have some body-image issues after having a child. Pregnancy and childbirth (and nursing, if you did that) definitely leave their mark on a woman's body. But none of us get to go through life without our faces and bodies changing, and at least yours changed for the best of all possible reasons: bringing into this world a child you love & want.

 

Don't look at models and size 4s. Most real women don't look like that and it's an unrealistic standard to compare yourself to. Heck, even *those* women don't really look like that--it takes hours with a stylist, makeup artist, etc., for a celebrity or model to look that way, and even then they get airbrushed and Photoshopped for their magazine ads. And they age, too, you know!

 

With a little one to care for, do you get enough "you" time? Do you have a chance to exercise, get your hair done, dress up & go out for the occasional date with your husband? Or even just have a little time to go out with a friend? All that can help you feel more attractive and happy with yourself.

 

Being able to accept your body as it changes over the years is a really important life skill to develop before you head into midlife. I'm 47, and I can tell you, if you don't make peace with your body and accept the inevitable effects of gravity and age, you are going to be fighting a losing battle for the rest of your life.

 

I try to look around and notice women older and/or heavier than me who still have great style, zest for life, sex appeal, etc. They're my role models now, not anorexic models half my age.

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+1 to Sunflour's post.

 

In the mainstream of society, we are completely and totally obsessed with youth. To be "thin" is to be youthful, to be fit, to be healthy. I don't have to tell you that this view is highly skewed. Your body is supposed to have a few extra pounds on it right now...you just brought another life into the world! You just created a being. Give yourself a break!

 

That said, there's nothing (besides doctors orders) that can stop you from a little light walking and getting a bit more cardiovascular exercise. Just take it slowly. From what I've read, there are a bunch of guides online for post-pregnancy exercise. Try not to place unreasonable expectations on yourself--90% of those size 4 models haven't had children and don't have to deal with the everyday challenges that you do!

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The best way to boost your self confidence is to DO something. Start working out. Walking in the evening. Buy an aerobics video and workout in your living room. Cut out sugar from your diet. Being proactive makes you feel better because you are doing something, not just sitting around wallowing in self-pity. So, get up and DO something.

 

I would agree with this. Don't fall into the trap of complaining without action. If you are working out and eating healthy, you will start to feel more proud of yourself and who you are. You'll need to add weight training to your routine as you'll have post baby stretching to combat. I would also suggest not doing it alone. Get a friend or two in on the challenge of being healthy ... not only so that you can hold yourself accountable but so that you can have more fun with it!

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Everyone has wonderful posts! I couldn't agree more.

 

Another suggestion to add is if you feel unattractive.... not only exercise but treat yourself to a small makeover. Get your nails done, a pedicure, new hair style, tanning... one of those helps!

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Thanks everyone!

Your tips are much appreciated!

 

I haven't had enough "me" time since our son was born. It's impossible for me to even shower sometimes when he is awake, let alone primp. He's always attached to my leg; even if my husband takes care of him while he's not at work, it's difficult to get him "off my leg." I have even tried going into another room, which works sometimes but other times he's pounding on the door!

 

I am also a stay at home mom and full time student, so I don't leave the house absolutely every day. I go to school online. I work from home online by selling things on eBay and doing online tutoring. When I'm not tending to my son, I'm on the computer doing homework or working so that my husband and I can make ends meet until I find a job.

 

Also, due to the above it's hard to put on make-up even when I do go out.

 

I used to be a size 4 and 130lbs. I'm just short of 5'2" so being a size 14 and 162 lbs is quiet a bit different for me. I tend to carry my weight in my stomach, butt, hips, and thighs (who doesn't, right?), but it looks pretty evenly disbursed so I don't look like I weigh 162 lbs. So at least I have that going for me.

 

I've cut out a lot of sugar and fast food from my diet already. So I think it's more an issue of (finding time to) exercise and the "me" time. My husband is also a full time student; between that and work we barely get 15 hours a week together, just the two of us. So I sacrifice some of that "me" time for "us" time, family time, etc.

 

I've been using anti-aging creams (irregularly) since I was about 23. As you can tell I'm a little obsessive about those things. After reading some of your responses today, I gave myself an "at home" facial and it did perk me up quite a bit.

 

I must ask, Sunflour, and I apologize if this sounds a little callous or offensive: how did you come to terms with aging? Do you have any tips for me?

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Finding time is just an excuse there is no reason why you can't cut an hour sleep to exercise in the morning. And once you start you will get more energy, so being tired in the morning is not an excuse.

 

If you want results faster this is the best time to work out, kick start your metabolism, get your body moving, this will increase your mental and physical health. If you don't start, it's eventually going to get worse. This is a big fact especially when your metabolism starts slowing down at later stage of your life. You have to get up and start moving your body.

Exercising uses your muscles so they tighten up your skin, thus reducing the aging process. If you want to start feeling better I recommend combining a green drink like Greens +( link removed) it’s a well being drink that provides serotonin in the brain; something that generally makes you in a better mood. You can find any green drink on the market it doesn’t have to be this brand.

 

I’ve been working out 5 times a day for a year now my energy level is through the roof. I'm coming out of a 5 year relationship from Monday (though technically we are not broken up yet but it’s almost to the point of no return) and I’m not doing to bad actually.

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