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He just stopped calling..how do i move on?


BayAreaBabe86

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My boyfriend was overseas in Iraq for a year & as I waited patiently for him to come home, I got more and more anxious as time progressed on. The weeks following his arrival I began to notice changes in him (i.e, him not calling me babe anymore, being really short w/ me, no longer saying he loved me etc.) I tried to brush it off, but this feeling kept telling me that things weren't right. However, at the same time I didn't know what I had done to make him treat me any differently. He was scheduled to come home on June 29 & I have not heard from him in almost a month!! (Today is July 22) No call, no e-mail, no instant message..NOTHING!! It's safe to say that we are over, but I'm still in shock because I waited//supported him for a year of my life that I didn't have to. I did everything..(sent him care packages, cards, pictures, the whole nine). I don't get it. I never got an official "it's over.." so obviously my heart is still stuck with him. At this point, I just need to know how I can possibly move on w/out the proper closure? My heart still has questions that I can't answer. And there is no way for me to get in contact with him. I'm so disgusted with this entire situation. I wanted nothing more than for him to come home and be with me and now I am left to wonder what went wrong in our relationship. And just a sidenote: he has plenty of ways to contact me because I can see when he signs on to myspace (which is quite often)..especially during the timeframe I have not spoken to him. I WILL TAKE ANY AND EVERY PIECE OF ADVICE ANYONE HAS. I just need to get over this situation. I feel like my self-worth has immensely decreased. I feel helpless and I feel like an unwanted piece of furniture. I have nothing left to give anyone because I have been broken by this situation, but i would so much love to be okay again. So please, if anyone could offer me advice, or even what YOU would do in this situation that'd be great.

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I really do sympathise with you! After you have stood by him and supported him all this time and he hasn't got the decency to at least give you and understanding of whats happening. If he doesnt want to be with you then although its harsh you could move on but without no explanation or official ending I would find it very tough!

 

*hugs*

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I understand how you feel. Maybe his tour is Iraq has scarred him. Maybe hes going through a difficult time. But if hes been on myspace whilst hes been back then it doesnt make sense. If you feel so strongly about this and him, I say you call him and ask him where you guys are. End it with dignity but be firm, dont let him spoon feed you his excuses. Do what your conscience says.

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I'm a bloke but i tend to think a lot of blokes are cowards when it comes to breaking bad news to their girlfriend. they will call less and less and sometimes stop calling completely and hope the girlfriend loses interest and moves on without causing a problem. i think the bloke just doesnt want to hurt the other person and sees this way as an easy way out. Silence speaks volumes.

 

Relationships where you are in different places can be very hard, When someone is starting to distance themselves it is difficult to get things back on track.

 

i think you need to call him and confront him. If he is always unavailable to your calls and doesnt call back then move on. Unfortunately some blokes see this as the easy way out.

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That is a very very sad situation for you to be in. I'm so sorry you're going through such a painful time. As you said, you spend a year of your life waiting for and supporting him, yet he hasn't had even the courtesy to tell you its over. From my own experience, when someone treated me like that, I felt, as well as hurt, humiliated, but I can't quite explain why. If they had told me straight out, I would have still been hurt, but not humiliated. I think its the feeling of being avoided by someone, which is humiliating. This is very very tough for you. He didn't deserve the loyalty and support you gave him. I think it'd be better for you if you contacted him and got some closure. I hope he will at least give you that. All the best,

Offplanet

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