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Casual dating (when you're further down the road)...does it help you move on?


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Casual dating (when you're further down the road in your healing)...does it help you move on and get even more perspective?

 

...just wondering...for now (10 months separated now) i have no inclination to date (sure i miss the sex alot being a guy, but not the emotional expenditures just yet) but down the road i just may...have thought about opening myself up to it more in the fall...you know just to go out and feel 'attractive' by the opposite sex and realize that there are alternatives to my ex...that despite having many good times they weren't perfect and that there are many i can also have good times with.

 

Before I met my ex I was on Plenty of Fish and dated alot of women: over 20 to boot...had lots of nice times...i was lucky...i always saw dates as another way to have fun because you're getting to know another human being ..so I always listened alot, took interest...sure sometimes there'd even be liplocking and other steamy stuff and sometimes not (hey what can i say....going forward and wiser I will try to be more casual and keep the alcohol at a minimum however (LOL)....heck me and my ex got too intimate wayyyy too fast..once you cross that line it's tough to go back...and as i've said before: both loneliness and lust are powerful motivators to couple us off...yet not the most longterm reliable indicators, for sure.

(a good book IMO before you date to better understand your needs and if a partner is 'compatible': ''Intellectual Foreplay'').

 

I actually met my last ex while hiking on link removed group...was just doing a similar activity...this is where my thinking is nowaday as per meeting someone: just get out there enjoying life, growing, learning, opening yourself up, taking new chances, meeting new people...if you're smart you'll have new friends...and sometimes as we all know, friends can (with proper care/attention) last longer than lovers.

 

For me right now and in the next while making new friends is paramount first and foremost: having more fun, keeping active, following my passions, getting on better terms with MOI....hopefully i'll increasingly get to a better place.

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Before I met my ex I was on Plenty of Fish and dated alot of women: over 20 to boot...had lots of nice times...i was lucky...i always saw dates as another way to have fun because you're getting to know another human being ..so I always listened alot, took interest and asked questions

...and this time I'll try to be even MORE broad in my motivation, namely, that if we don't 'click' as something else can we still be friends and enjoy one another's company onward (so not to make dating so black and white in terms of how a person will fit into your life).

 

 

 

can't help but smile when i read that canali. if that's your attitude...by all means...dating could be nothing but enjoyable for you.

 

and goddam you do a lot of reading!!!

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Casual dating is exactly what took the sting away for me. I'm still not ready for another committed thing-- but I've had a great time getting to know new women from all backgrounds. Frankly, as long as you tell people you aren't looking for anything serious, you are probably ready for casual dating.

 

Word to the wise-- do not sleep with the first couple girls you date. That's just setting yourself up for a rebound situation. Enjoy their company, get out and relearn the ropes, and relax.

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Casual dating has helped me to understand myself a lot better. Specifically, what I really want at the end of the day, and what I really want in a partner. Also, what I am now prepared to give and want to give.

 

I will admit, it did open up some feelings that I didn't even totally realize were there. But that's good for me. It's like, having to let go of certain things that I didn't even totally realize I was holding on to, but now having a clear sense of why it's a really good thing to try something else.

 

If any of this makes sense.

 

It sounds like you have a good sense of what you need and what you are ready for.You'll do good.

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I have just started casual dating and its been about 7 months. I does feel great to have other women interested in me as being dumped does dent your ego for a while. If I had have tried this a few months ago, it wouldn't be enjoying myself as it took me a while to let go of her. I feel more mature now when it comes to dating as I was with my ex for 3.5 years.

 

Just have fun and don't think too seriously about it right now. Go with the flow and just enjoy another womans company. If things do develop, be honest with them and they will understand.

 

Keep up the good work, sounds like your are doing just fine!

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I started dating again recently after the break-up of a ten year relationship last summer and I've found it to be a bit of a double-edged sword.

 

As much as I'm having fun meeting new women and having my self-esteem gradually rebuilt by the interest I'm receiving, it's also made me really see how unready for a new relationship I am....strictly casual dating for me for now.

 

It's not that it has made me miss my ex any more than I already do....it's just more a case that it's made me see that I need to handle MY needs and struggles right now and that I'm not in a place to be there for them in the way I'd need to in a relationship.

 

Casual dating is the way forwards for me, so maybe give it a try....could be great for you too

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For me, dating again has been like jonnyp said: a double-edged sword.

 

See on one hand it's great getting out there again and it's fun. But on the other hand, it reminded me a lot of my ex. I also feel like I am comparing the ex to the current gf too much.

 

I also think people should note that, unless you've learnt from your past relationship mistakes you're bound to repeat them. I'm finding this out as I go along...

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only 8 weeks out for me and i've tried it but again a double edged sword as some have said here. I have primarily done it with the intent of meeting new women for friendship and just to open myself up again, but as soon as most of them here that 'i'm not ready for a relationship yet', they generally lose interest lol.

 

I miss the sex, i have a high sex drive and the sex with the ex was great, so i do miss the intimacy a lot.

 

As cl76 mentioned, i'm trying to use this time to learn more about how to break my self defeating patterns that have led to numerous mistakes in relationships and poor choices. I don't think it's just random luck, i think we choose the relationship problems we get ourselves into.

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Like most others have said...ups and downs...it gives me a sense of trying to move on, but it feels like work (the online variety at least) as it's so hard to meet anyone that I'm attracted to and while it passes the time and is good practice, it's no substitute for intimacy and frequently makes me remember how differently I felt when I met my ex....

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...just wondering...for now (10 months separated now) i have no inclination to date

 

Wow I couldn't imagine waiting 10 months to date again! I am ready now at 3 months. Of course, now that I am ready my ex comes back into my life ... such is life!!

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To beat a dead horse, I have also found it to be a double-edged sword. Dating boosts your confidence and with the right person can allow you to definitely see that there are other people out there. At the same time, I found that I am comparing a lot of things with my ex and makes me think about my ex maybe more than I otherwise would. The funny thing is that a lot of the qualities I am comparing are qualities that I helped make my ex obtain... so she didn't really have them at the beginning. I can tell though that my heart isn't really ready to open up to someone else yet.

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as per your quote below, it all depends doesn't it?

why just 'jump back into the saddle' with someone else when you will just repeat patterns...do i want affection and tlc in my life? Of course: but i'm now getting it from my own company, from the company of new people too...being with someone else right now would just make me feel restricted....sure i miss the sex, but the committment you make with the wrong person isn't worth it man (as you doubltless have found out first hand ie, it can't 'fill you up' if you're lacking in something or the relationship is right?)

 

Wow I couldn't imagine waiting 10 months to date again! I am ready now at 3 months. Of course, now that I am ready my ex comes back into my life ... such is life!!
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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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