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Saw pics of her with other guy


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Dreaming of my ex-boyfriend hugging...
Dreaming of my ex-boyfriend hugging me

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Ok, my gf (or ex gf) and I have been living together for about 10 months now. We broke up about two months ago because she wanted to be independent and she thought that I needed to be too.

 

So we broke up but continued to live here...I then found out that s he was dating someone and she was lying to me about it because I asked her.

 

So I ignored it for a bit, I kind of changed my ways a little and next thing I know she's acting like we are getting back together (she starts sleeping in the bed with me again, we become intimate, etc).

 

Well, I had suspsicions still that she was seeing the other guy and lying about where she was going. So today at lunch I came home and looked at her camera. Sure enough there were pics of her with him..sensual pics and they were taken Sunday night when she told me she was somewhere else.

 

Last night we were fine..she was cuddling with me a bit on the couch and we ate dinner together. How can she go back and forth like this? She can be intimate with me Saturday then go see this guy sunday and then be with me again on monday?

 

I came home today and I said, "I wanna talk. Do you want to be with me?" And she said, "I don't know yet." I then proceeded to tell her I saw the pics. I told her that I knew it was wrong to look, but I saw them and I know now that she has lied to me. She was like, "Well did you think we were back together?" And I said that I thought we were getting back together...things were starting to work out. Bla bla bla...she had to leave for class. I told her that I want her to get away from me if she doesn't want to be with me and that I never want to see her again. But then we held each other on the bed and basically it ended with me saying, "Fine, we'll live here and I'll date other people." SHe said, "I like that idea better." And left. That isn't what I really want though.

 

I swear I had her coming around and warming up to me big time and i know I screwed up by confronting her but if I had not done that, she would have continued to lie. I think she doesn't want to let go of me but she doesn't wanna let go of this other guy either. I don't know what to do.

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Move out or kick her out, if it's your place. Living together is definitely NOT helping your situation in the slightest. She has what she wants already. She's free to see other guys and also has someone to come home to and cuddle with (you). You're being used, dude.

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she just wants to have her cake and eat it too....very selfish person. no offense but she's using you and she only wants you around when she feels alone and the other guy isn't around. Notice that when you ignored her, she started to warm up to you and then when you got close to her, she backed away saying that she likes the idea of you dating other people?

 

I think that if you are going to still live with her, then to just stay out of each others way and treat her like an acquantaince. Because the way I see it, once you leave her alone and ignore her, she'll get curious to see if you still want her and she will play all sorts of mind games to keep you around and make you think a reconciliation is going to happen. Stay away! She will have you running in circles over and over again

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The original idea to have live separately and have time apart to learn some independence was good.

 

That hasn't changed, right, and it seems it was a problem then and continues to be a problem now.

 

Eventually it will come to that anyways. But if you do it now you can spare yourself a possible her leaving one day once she is more established with this new guy, or some other guy. You can save yourself a bunch more awkward situations and get some perspective away from her.

 

If she really wanted to be with you - she wouldn't treat you this way. Please trust me on this.

 

It's as simple and as hard as accepting that this relationship isn't going to go where you want it to. She is already gone.

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That is way over-the-top disrespectful of her. The fact that she can tell you this with a straight face is telling. And when she gets caught in a lie, her reaction is to deflect rather then address. Meet her respect in middle, or else don't meet it at all. Those are your choices.

 

1) Tell her to go away and not to come back.

 

2) Treat your "relationship" with the same level of flippancy and care that she treats it. Demand outrageous things. Be very bottom line. Tell her that if she's going to continue to live at your place that you're demanding home-cooked meals 4 times a week, and anal sex twice a week. Tell her to bring the new guy over for dinner as well, that you want to meet him. At dinner, rave about how hot your ex-GF's ass is in front of the new guy, and that he's a lucky man to "get a piece of that". Be a sexist, rude, pig, through and through, and spare nothing.

 

This is what's called "holding a mirror". Some people don't get it unless they see that reflection.

 

p.s. #2 was more of a joke. Just take the high road and split. Even any kind of faux revenge won't be worth it to someone who doesn't understand what she's doing wrong.

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Ok, my gf (or ex gf) and I have been living together for about 10 months now. We broke up about two months ago because she wanted to be independent and she thought that I needed to be too.

 

So we broke up but continued to live here

Your first big mistake. When you break up and live together, you get the hell out of there or kick her ass out. You don't need to know about her business while being broken up, who she's seeing, or finding out that she cheated on you. What good will those bring other cause further pain? She wants to live independently... let her by helping her pack her bags and leave without ever coming back.

 

She wants to live "independently" but is still living in the same house with you? Sounds like a serious contradiction. Hon... she is playing you. The only reason I can figure out why is that she wants to use you as a convenience (a place to stay, sex, affection, attention).

 

I know I sound very harsh, but honestly you move in together to try setting up for serious commitment. She should of figured it out a lot sooner if she wanted to live on her own before moving in with a boyfriend. Poor planning on her part. What a fickle jerk... cut her lose. You don't want her leeching off of you for her own self benefits. She needs some serious growing up.

 

I told her that I want her to get away from me if she doesn't want to be with me and that I never want to see her again. But then we held each other on the bed and basically it ended with me saying, "Fine, we'll live here and I'll date other people." SHe said, "I like that idea better." And left. That isn't what I really want though.

No, you need to be a lot firmer with this one. Stick to your guns. If it's not what you want, then why are you GIVING IN to her? She's the one who wanted out of the relationship, so why are YOU trying to meet her expectations (letting her stay, agreeing to date other people while living together, etc.)? And by the way... dating other people while you two are living in the same house is not a very good idea! Can you stand seeing your ex with another man? I don't think you could after reading your topic statement.

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lol...is that your own creation jettison? the humour is much appreciated. can't help but see the truth in what you're saying. usually takes something extreme for someone to realize ways in which they have potentially 'wronged' another.

 

but, you're also right that it might not be the most practical approach. confronting negativity with negativity is futile.

 

lol. that should be part of a movie script. maybe it already is.

 

cheers...made my night

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I swear I had her coming around and warming up to me big time and i know I screwed up by confronting her but if I had not done that, she would have continued to lie.

You did nothing wrong. You absolutely did the right thing by confronting her. Why would you want her to think she can treat you like a doormat by sleeping around with other guys? Why would you want her to think you were too dumb to figure out what she was doing with the guy?

If anything will help her opinion of you, I think standing up for yourself is the way to do it, not pretending to be a fool who she can cheat on with impunity.

 

She knew that you had an expectation that you two were going to be together. Otherwise, why would she lie about it? She was just taking advantage of the fact that nothing had been officially discussed. However, since the intention was deceit, I would consider it to be cheating even though you were not "official".

 

I know you don't want to hear it, but I will try saying it anyway: Your relationship with her is never going to be like it was before. This is becoming a pattern now. There have been at least two guys you know of (counting the myspace guy from the last breakup), and there might be more that you just never found out about. She probably already emotionally checked out of the relationship the first time this dating other guys thing happened. The odds are very low that anything you can do will bring her back in a real emotional way.

 

If she still cared about you the way you care about her, she would not be sneaking around with other guys. Even if you manage to convince her to officially be your girlfriend again, I think it is only a matter of time before she starts dating another guy and you wind up in this situation again.

 

I think she doesn't want to let go of me but she doesn't wanna let go of this other guy either. I don't know what to do.

Yes, you're right, she likes having two guys around. I guess you have to decide if you like being in this situation enough to put up with the other guys she will date, or if you want to take the chance that maybe some other girl out there will like you enough to want you to be her only boyfriend.

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We talked today and we are definitely not together again. Just roomates. And I told her that she was obviously coming around and she replied with, "We were being affectionate and it felt good but it felt bad because it was like being with two people." Whatever...so I guess she is into the other guy more. I went on a rant how it was messed up that she was sleeping with him and she said that she wasn't and that the pictures were actually of them in a pool which actually does make sense now because their hair was wet. I think she was really just trying to test the waters and weigh the pros and cons of both of us before she made a decision but I have really screwed things up and yes she screwed up too.

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she's going to get sooo jealous and want you back if you have another girl. watch...

 

You really think so? I did go out tonight...she didn't ask where but I'm pretty sure she assumed it was a coffee date like I went on a while ago. I noticed she did ask me how" my time was" and I said it was good. She wasn't affectionate with me but she wasn't distant either.

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She knew that you had an expectation that you two were going to be together. Otherwise, why would she lie about it? She was just taking advantage of the fact that nothing had been officially discussed. However, since the intention was deceit, I would consider it to be cheating even though you were not "official".

.

 

 

Yeah, I agree. Also, even now that I have confronter her, she still tries to reassure me that she is telling the truth about she was and I'm wondering why it even matters now if she doesn't want to be with me.

 

 

.

I know you don't want to hear it, but I will try saying it anyway: Your relationship with her is never going to be like it was before. This is becoming a pattern now. There have been at least two guys you know of (counting the myspace guy from the last breakup), and there might be more that you just never found out about. She probably already emotionally checked out of the relationship the first time this dating other guys thing happened. The odds are very low that anything you can do will bring her back in a real emotional way.

 

.

 

 

You really think there is no way? I am very convinced that the first time we got back together I had her back emotionally because she was talking about getting married, moving in, etc. And this was a year and a half ago...so I guess I did something right for a while.

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I think she just tells you what you want to hear so that you'll stick around - it feeds her ego and vanity, and it makes her feel 'safe and secure' in the knowledge that she has an insurance policy she can fall back on in case things don't work out with the new guy(s) she's dating.

 

Your behavior, indecisiveness, and general lack of backbone is making it *easier* for her to behave this way. It's like you're letting her walk all over you and treat you as a doormat, so why not? You know that saying, 'Power corrupts?' That's what you're doing - giving her power, and enabling her - letting her lie and deceive. She no longer hesitates to act like this because there are no consequences from it - she can do what she wants and she can come home to find you waiting like a puppy dog.

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You really think so? I did go out tonight...she didn't ask where but I'm pretty sure she assumed it was a coffee date like I went on a while ago. I noticed she did ask me how" my time was" and I said it was good. She wasn't affectionate with me but she wasn't distant either.

 

don't reply to my post like you are hoping she will get jealous. that shouldn't be the point of dating other women. this girl dumped you....you need to brush that off and get back out there. but i can see how she would get jealous. usually, if the person that does the dumping sees the other one moving on, they get extremely jealous and want to get back together....but it usually doesn't work out again.

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don't reply to my post like you are hoping she will get jealous. that shouldn't be the point of dating other women. this girl dumped you....you need to brush that off and get back out there. but i can see how she would get jealous. usually, if the person that does the dumping sees the other one moving on, they get extremely jealous and want to get back together....but it usually doesn't work out again.

 

Well, I screwed up big time this morning because I told her I was feeling sucidial. Not just because of her but because of everything. She said she felt bad but then I went on to say that I want to change and I can make her feel unbored. She told me she always felt like the dominant one in the relationship because she made alot of the decisions but I disagree with that. I know this is really bad and I did ask her to give me another chance. She said she had been thinking about that but she wasn't convinced yet. She said that it will take time and independence. Whatever. The truth is I do feel very depressed right now. I have a hard time connecting with people emotionally and I feel like I will never meet a girl that I can actually feel comfortable with again. There are some girls at work but I don't really even care for them. I don't really wanna do dating sites either. I'm just depressed and lonely because of this whole thing.

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I still have hope for us. I know it sounds crazy but for some reason I do. Little things she say's like, "Well we're on a break right now." or "I'm still not convinced" do make me believe that she just wants me to work on myself a little (and I admit that I do need to, but it's very hard to do so and focus when I know she is not with me). Help.

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If you are serious about feeling suicidal, I recommend calling a crisis line like the hopeline: 1-800-SUICIDE or link removed

I think we all have go through times in life when it seems like nothing is going right and everything is messed up...but don't give up hope! Things can change in ways you never expected. Someday you might look back and realize that the bad times helped you grow into a better, stronger person.

 

You've been with this girl a long time, so of course it will take time to form that kind of connection to someone else - but it will happen with time, and you will probably be happier with someone else in the long run.

I have had breakups where I thought the person was perfect for me and I could not imagine meeting anyone better - but I ended up being proven wrong every time, sooner or later.

You've got things going for you. I know you've mentioned on posts here that you are in a band and you seem to be pretty in touch with your emotions from your posts here. There are a lot of girls out there who would enjoy getting to know a sensitive artistic sort of guy.

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I know, but I just still feel hope for us. I know I'm gonna get shunned in here for this, but I brought her a surprise dinner after work and we both once again acted very kind to each other. I distanced myself too. She came into the bathroom while I was in the shower and just said, "Hello there..." I covered myself up sort of and just acted civil and laughed. Is she trying to see if I'm interested in her or what or am I just reading too much into t hings?

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dude, take my word for it, you're being played and this can only go down south. it might seem like it's heading in a positive direction at some points but you're really taking taking a big risk by getting to comfortable with her presence there. If you have hope, then that's great, but you really got to get her the hell out of your apartment and anything that goes on between you two should be taken very slowly. she's really playing you and using you, and you should be focusing more on other girls than on her. I'm begging you right now to stop what you're doing, bringing her surprise dinners and stuff. Your attempts to romance her are hurting your chances more than helping them. She knows she has you wrapped around her finger, and she's playing you like a yo-yo. Trust me, as someone who has been in a similar situation, it's breaking my heart all over again to see you putting yourself out there to get hurt like i did. Give yourselves more space, stop acting on your hopes that things will work out again, start looking for someone that isn't going to use you like that, and get yourself out of harms way. Please.

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Eh, we're not gonna shun you. I think a lot of us know it is tough to let go of a relationship.

However, I do think you are reading too much into the signs of hope you see.

 

I think it boils down to this: You don't want to date others and you certainly haven't taken pictures of yourself with other girls, because of your feelings for her. The same doesn't apply in reverse. That fact is more important than anything else she does or says. You are the only one who is actually trying to fight for this relationship, and a one-sided relationship is not healthy at all.

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You are being walked all over. She is clearly using you for a place to crash, possibly sex on the side, while she is out there moving on and probably patting herself on the back that she can use such a clueless ex like this.

 

Change the locks and throw her stuff in the garbage bag out on the curb.

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My problem is I have been reading that "how to get your lover back" and it basically say's you need to let them do what they want and just create positive moments when you are with them and hope this wins them back because most people don't really know how to "love" another person.

 

She did tell me last night that she just wishes I had more to do and I wasn't bored. SHe has a problem with this.

 

This morning I said I want my girl back and I even asked her if she wanted to get back together and she said she doesn't know yet...that I need to give her space. Yet she sleeps in the bed with me. It's driving me crazy but I still feel like it's something I have to do.

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She did tell me last night that she just wishes I had more to do and I wasn't bored. SHe has a problem with this.

 

This morning I said I want my girl back and I even asked her if she wanted to get back together and she said she doesn't know yet...that I need to give her space.

 

It sounds like she is trying to tell you that she wants you to be more independent and not so clingy. Trying to act more loving like the book suggests is probably the exact opposite of what she wants.

Focus on how you can find new activities to do and meet new people. It sounds like that would be the best thing for you, AND also what she wants you to be doing anyway.

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