kiasuten Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 And I need some advice. I'm 19 and a college student. I just started working at a restaurant near school, and my co-workers and I have 6 managers that share supervising shifts throughout the week. A few weeks into my job, one of my managers actually texts me "Please don't show anyone this, but I wish you were older and single." I didn't know what to respond, so I thought about what to say for a few hours, and said "Hahaha very funny. And if you're not joking, I would rather not know. I like working here." I tried to play it off as if he was joking. There was definitely tension that day and every day I workedfor like a week after that. Then things started to go back to normal, but he told me he was thinking of me. This isn't harassment yet, right? I'd rather not have to go to his supervisor and get fired, and I'd rather not have to quit. What do I do? Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Just pretend like it didn't happen. If he keeps pressing the issue....then that's another story... Link to comment
DN Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Have you kept the text and your reply? Link to comment
kiasuten Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 Have you kept the text and your reply? No, because knowing it was there bothered the heck out of me. A friend of mine is a cop, though, and she told me to document all the occasions when things like this happen in case it gets out of hand. Link to comment
kiasuten Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 I'm asking for advice here because my boyfriend gets all bent out of shape when the topic comes up. Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 No, because knowing it was there bothered the heck out of me. A friend of mine is a cop, though, and she told me to document all the occasions when things like this happen in case it gets out of hand. sounds like a good plan. so you are prepared IF things get out of hand. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I agree, document when it happens. I had this happen at work and I spoke to my boss, he had a word with the guy and warned him, and it stopped. Link to comment
kiasuten Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 I'll continue documenting, but what I don't want to happen is this: I talk to my boss's boss, and they tell him to keep his distance, and then he is upset with me. I like my job and I would like to be comfortable there. Link to comment
happyfrank Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Just tell him that if he wants to go out and have drinks with you and your man. He will never bother you again. Link to comment
stingray Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 No need to have someone else lose their job just because they have ended up taking a liking to you. I think thats a pretty low blow in my book! Just make it clear to him you aren't interested but don't report him. If you feel threatened then go ahead but just want to make sure you don't jump the gun here. Link to comment
retired1 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 First, you need to state up front that his advance is not welcome. If it continues, then it's an easy case of harassment. But you need to make it known right away that it's not welcome and won't be tolerated. Link to comment
shera Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I had a similar situation one summer when I worked at a golf course. The manager kept scheduling us to work alone together, he was incredibly inappropriate in so many ways and I ended up saying something and due to my complaint I got crappy shifts for the rest of the summer. It's a fine line. I am partly sorry that I said something but at least he left me alone. Link to comment
kiasuten Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 Happyfrank, that's a really good idea! My boyfriend would like that one! NoFXN, that was my worry here. I didn't want to jump to conclusions. I don't thrive on attention, and I don't take compliments well, and I know I should be flattered... I seem to have an issue with my friendliness coming off as flirting and that sends mixed signals if I tell him I'm not interested. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Tell him a firm no. Document any texts or verbal conversations you have. Save the texts. Save the voicemails. Save the emails. If this guy gets creepy and crosses the boundary (repetetive phone calls, threats, sexual harassment, corners you while you are at work), then go to higher ups. Other than that, firmly say no and try to keep business business (i.e. pretend nothing happened at work and don't tell other coworkers) Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 If she tells him to sod off after 1 little txt, then she's gonna be uncomfrotable, however I do reckon you need to tell him you have a boyfriend and that you're happy in your own words. Get that out in the open, if it gets to a point where you feel the need to complain about him to the bigger boss I really don't think you'll be worried about feeling uncomfortable, as you already will due to his advances, so don't even worry about that. If it gets bad, complain. Link to comment
kiasuten Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 I had a similar situation one summer when I worked at a golf course. The manager kept scheduling us to work alone together, he was incredibly inappropriate in so many ways and I ended up saying something and due to my complaint I got crappy shifts for the rest of the summer. It's a fine line. I am partly sorry that I said something but at least he left me alone. This is what I'm afraid of--losing my job. All of a sudden he was the manager on duty during all my shifts. Grr-- he knows I have a boyfriend. My dropped me off and picked me up from work many times, and my coworkers have met him. Link to comment
russ978 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 This isn't harassment yet, right? I'd rather not have to go to his supervisor and get fired, and I'd rather not have to quit. What do I do? That wouldn't get him fired. People meet, date, and get married in the workplace all the time. He had an interest, he did a little recon, he found out you weren't interested, he backed off. Just ignore it. If it happens again, make him aware of the issue. I'd hate to think of ANYBODY getting fired simply for asking out a co-worker...the professional world doesn't work that way. If he commented on your butt or was making explicit requests...I could understand feeling more uncomfortable. Hopefully, when people flirt with you, you don't act on their advances if you're dating someone, inform them you're dating someone, are flattered for the attention, and go about your merry way. Link to comment
iLiveWithMyMom Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 A few weeks into my job, one of my managers actually texts me "Please don't show anyone this, but I wish you were older and single." Wow, creepy. About how old is this manager? Closer to 20 or closer to 30? I only ask because if it's the latter, he should know better and sounds like he doesn't have a good grasp on reality. If he's around your age though, I think the direct approach of telling him you're not interested would work well. Link to comment
kiasuten Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 Wow, creepy. About how old is this manager? Closer to 20 or closer to 30? I only ask because if it's the latter, he should know better and sounds like he doesn't have a good grasp on reality. If he's around your age though, I think the direct approach of telling him you're not interested would work well. He's over 30. Closer to my mom's age... like 38. Thanks for all the advice. I'll just talk to him, see where he takes it. Link to comment
iLiveWithMyMom Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I'd hate to think of ANYBODY getting fired simply for asking out a co-worker...the professional world doesn't work that way. If he commented on your butt or was making explicit requests...I could understand feeling more uncomfortable. He's her boss. Standards are way different. He's in a position of power, and he needs to keep it in his pants. And btw, if I were her bf, I'd be incensed, too. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 He's over 30. Closer to my mom's age... like 38. Thanks for all the advice. I'll just talk to him, see where he takes it. Yeah, I'd definitely watch out for this one. Keep a journal of all creepy things. What he has said to you, number of times he's called. Date them too. He really should know better by this age. If he was 22, I'd understand. Link to comment
kiasuten Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 Oh, and he's in a relationship and has kids. Yeah, I'm watching out. Link to comment
Sunflour Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 If he texts you inappropriately again, be sure to save it. If this turns into real harassment, you need to have some proof. If he does approach you again, by text or in person, be sure you are unambiguous in your response. You don't have to be nasty, but you need to spell it out in no uncertain terms: "Managername, I'm in a relationship and you're my supervisor. I don't think this is appropriate. Let's keep things professional, please." Link to comment
shera Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I agree that it is a different dynamic and i think only women can know what it feels like to be propositioned and the icky, helpless feeling that goes with it when it is someone in power. The hardest part is she has said that he gets mad when she tells him she doesn't want his advances. I would say if he does it again you need to tell someone. Guy sounds like a major creep! Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I agree that it is a different dynamic and i think only women can know what it feels like to be propositioned and the icky, helpless feeling that goes with it when it is someone in power. The hardest part is she has said that he gets mad when she tells him she doesn't want his advances. I would say if he does it again you need to tell someone. Guy sounds like a major creep! It really is a horrible feeling. Link to comment
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