Grieving Post...Cut the Last Cord (Myspace)

[WomanWriter]

This is a vent but also welcome to others sharing their own stories/comments.

 

I just deleted my Myspace finally. It was hard too...because I clicked on my ex one last time (to say "goodbye") and I could see that he was recently logged on and added a new guy friend to his "Top Friends" list. And yet still, I was his "# 1" friend. So basically, he had been changing his profile yet keeping the thing about me being his "carebear" and "betrothed." He even still has a picture of me on there. It felt kind of wrong to be deleting my profile, because maybe my ex does intend to talk to me again later down the road and this will ruin it (he might think I'm being immature).

 

The only reason I deleted it is because I felt like getting rid of some baggage today. I've started reading more about co-dependence and realized how my ex and I were so enmeshed in each other's problems to hide behind our own work we needed to do.

 

Still, it REALLY REALLY hurts that my last tie to him (Myspace) is broken.

 

It's not even like we are on bad terms (that I know of). Last month he texted me baby pics of his new nephew and a little about what he was up to...and I texted him about getting my license, to which he congratulated me.

 

Since then, NC except me forwarding him a job posting, but not through my email...through the career site.

 

My birthday is coming up next month and I'm afraid I am going to crumble into little pieces if he doesn't contact me. I've been OK for a while, still coming on here but not really grieving, but it seems I've kind of gone a little into my feelings more since this whole co-dependency discovery.

 

It looks like my ex is still single, so maybe he really IS working on himself, I don't know.

 

I just feel really broken-hearted. It's partly because I feel that a lot of our problems were MY fault, even though I know it was both of us.

 

When I was deleting my information, I saw the sweet poems he wrote me back in the day, the encouraging comments, the declarations of love. I can't believe it was the same guy.

 

I never felt like his love was controlling until the very end of the relationship. Even in hindsight, it's like there were no signs. He was never jealous nor did he encourage me to indulge in things that are bad for me on his account.

 

It just seems like the stress brought out a side to him I had never seen. After 7 years! Funny how he never raised his voice to me (except once when I was drinving his car, he got scared).

 

I talked to my best girl friend about this stuff today and it was a relief. I needed to really confide in someone I knew because it has been eating me up. Posting on here is a big help but sometimes it feels like I'm alone in my world. My friend related some of her own problems to me and I felt closer, something I've been struggling with lately.

 

I just can't believe I deleted my profile (well it wouldn't let me delete it so I just deleted all my friends and information). I almost hope my ex doesn't notice. Maybe I should have left it alone, but it was like I deleted it out of a compulsion.

[arcadefire]

The best way to move on is to finally let go of the thought, "What will my ex think if I do this? That?" because those thoughts are just as linked to the thoughts that you still care about how he views you. And any attachment you still have to him, whether on myspace or through thinking like that, will prevent you from working on who you need to work on most - you. The question you should say is, who cares what he thinks about you deleting your myspace? It doesn't matter to you anymore.

 

Although I have no details on your break up or relationship, it seems that finally deleting your myspace, or him from yours, is a HUGE step to moving on, and I really congratulate you on that. It took me two months after the break up (and seeing that my ex just started dating someone new), to finally block him on facebook. The constant snooping on his profile only did harm. And it was when I finally saw his pictures of him and his new gf that I knew it all had to stop.

 

That block was the best thing I have ever done to move on from him. And a lesson learned and applied to my most recent break up.

[702juice]

I know she still has pictures of us in both her FB and Myspace. She broke NC with me today because of my status and what I wrote really hurt her feelings. I wrote something to the effect of how I wasted so much of my life being with her. It isn't true but I had to vent and in a way, hoped she saw it. After she told me she saw it, she said it really hurt her that I thought of us as a waste. I felt bad, relapsed into psycho ex bf and tried to reconcile...sigh. This is the first time since our split she told me of her feelings. Just plain confused now.