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boyfriend can't get it up - but can still cum with a softie?!?


Kitz

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Hi all,

 

So me and my boyfriend are in a very loving relationship. when we first got together we had ALOT of sex - its cut down a bit now because of this problem. He can't get fully hard!

 

Its been like this since we got together, he says hes never had this problem with anyone else, but then says its not me either...? We can still have sex, its like he gets semi-erect, it still feels good to me but we cant really go super hard and fast because its not hard enough. which is what makes me come.

 

He makes such a big deal of it, like right after we have sex he pulls out and then goes "look! im coming on a half flop!" and makes me touch it to see that yes, indeed it isnt hard. Hes always complaining about the fact that he's "broken" and wants to buy viagra. A couple of times i've made him come in his pants with almost a completely flaccid package!

 

Im pretty understanding with this, i've had boyfriends in the past who'd come before they even got it in so this is an improvement - and I reckon some of it probably comes down to performance anxiety, as he does worry about it, and I dont want it to but its really wearing down on my self esteem. Its not really nice to have someone telling you all the time while rooting you that they cant get fully hard!

 

It makes me feel like crap, and im horribly insecure because of my ex boyfriend who told me I had small boobs and if they were bigger we'd be having so much sex that his **** would drop off. Every single time my boyfriend mentions he cant get hard, I start thinking really annoying **** that isnt true, like if my boobs were bigger we wouldnt have this problem, maybe I need to shave, maybe im not as pretty as his ex because he didnt have this problem with her.

 

So what the heck is up? What can I do? Every time he cant get hard I just get more insecure thoughts in my head. Im getting depressed because I have a sexy as boyfriend and every time I get in the mood and tried to initiate sex he couldn't get hard. I try; I dont go over the top but I wear nice lingerie and nighties to bed and shave and put on a tiny bit of makeup around the house just so I look fresh. I still try to look nice but I dont even bother initiating anymore. I just dont really know what to do, or what would be his problem?

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I dont know...usually I find it to be a mental thing. Its happened to me in the past because in my head im telling myself 'damn what if I dont stay hard?'...but usuallly i just pull out and switch back to foreplay which gets me all riled up again. I dont know...Is he overweight? Maybe dirty talk will help? I know it definetely helps me.

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He's not overweight, hes about the most genetically blessed person I can think of. (Id truly hate him if I didnt love him!) Perfect face, perfect clear skin, blonde hair and green eyes, but he is insecure about the fact that he's really skinny and can't put on weight? I dont know if that would be a cause though, as im always going on about how sexy he is.

 

My ex was overweight and literally had the same size boobs as me - THAT made me insecure (especially as he was the one who made the comment that my boobs were small.) I love my boyfriend being skinny because it makes me feel like i have some kind of boobage! (in comparison to his extremely flat chest anyway, haha.)

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how big is his penis? i slept with a guy once whose penis was huge and it never got fully hard, even as he was coming. i figured it was b/c not enough blood could get to it to make it fully hard. i could barely feel a thing, despite how big it was.

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Chubbies are never about the woman, or so I heard.... That's all I can say.

 

how so? it's women that give me chubbies. how turned on i am usually correlates to how hard i am unless something else is going on....too tired, stressed, etc.

 

but other factors could be occurring here:

 

tired

stress

depression

poor blood flow

poor blood pressure

bad diet

drugs

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He can't get fully hard even when hes alone and using his own hands. Im just wondering if you think this might be psychological or physiological (sp?) - I dont know if him not being able to get hard while masturbating has always been happening or some new form of f'ed up performance anxiety he's now getting when hes by himself??

 

We had a big talk last night.. he came to bed and started touching and getting me all turned on, couldnt get hard and broke down crying! Its just breaking my heart, I love him so much, It makes me sad to see my big tough bf like this. I know he's insecure about his (lack of) weight and size (which I have no idea why, hes absoloutely perfect size to me, which doesnt even matter as i could come just by looking at his face... i've had big boyfriends in the past and encountered the same kind of problem as hersmudders. It also tended to hit some bits really deep that didnt feel too nice, either?)

 

We're making a doctors appointment soon, I know I shouldnt be asking for medical advice on here, but I was just wondering if any one else has had the same problem and overcame it because maybe its psychological (and we could save ourselves the cost of the doctors appointment. lol)

 

I was thinking maybe I could get him a viagra, just to get him to realise it is possible for him to get fully hard. But what im afraid of is what if its not...?

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Ghost's list is pretty dead on for physiological reasons. The extra might be that he is putting too much pressure on himself - trying and failing to get hard (but still ejaculating) - and trying again. Has he had a few days off of NO sex at all, masturbation included? Maybe even a week. This can give his body a chance to recharge and recover.. it may have been performing beyond capacity for too long.

 

His preoccupation with physical build seems out of place. If he's got you, and he's reasonably attractive, then I wonder if there is some specific thing on his mind causing it right now. Do you work with, have a friend, or have you spoken of attraction for a guy (even celebrity) with a larger build? If its a severe enough concern, then yes - insecurity of himself could certainly cause this issue.

 

As for you.. please don't feel bad about yourself over this - you should feel GOOD. You are so sexually appealing to him that he is able to achieve orgasm even when not fully erect.. that isn't easy and says something about you. Sometimes, after having an orgasm or two, I may want to continue with sex but my penis is like "no deal, bro". But if something is REALLY REALLY hot, and I focus and work hard, I can orgasm again with it only semi-hard.

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how so? it's women that give me chubbies. how turned on i am usually correlates to how hard i am unless something else is going on....too tired, stressed, etc.

 

but other factors could be occurring here:

 

tired

stress

depression

poor blood flow

poor blood pressure

bad diet

drugs

 

No, you're right, but at the same time you wouldn't be in a position to have sex with her if you didn't find her attractive in the first place.

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No, you're right, but at the same time you wouldn't be in a position to have sex with her if you didn't find her attractive in the first place.

 

depends how drunk and horny i am. lol

 

but yeah, i try not to do girls i'm not attracted to. haven't in a long while now. lol

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I don't think asking you to feel how floppy it is is a good sign...

 

If he DOES need psychological help (quite likely) then second-hand won't help, he will need to seek it out.

 

Don't let the doctor fob you off and tell you to give it time, btw. This is a big deal for both of you. Could be a physical OR psychological problem - it is certainly becoming one.

 

(Another possibility would be something nasty has happened to him in his past and he would need to talk to someone professional about that).

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does he put on a condom? for some reason putting on a condom makes me soft, probably because I completely take my mind off of the horny gf in bed and completely concentrate on which side i should put my condom on.

im not saying dont tell him to use a condom, im just saying it might be because of the condom thing

 

also, does he drink protein powder/shakes? on the days I drink protein powder, I usually get only semi-erect.

 

and of course, he could be nervous during sex, I always wonder "am I going to last that long? am I going to cum too fast?" etc...

 

but yeah, there could be many reasons

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