Jump to content

Need some single parenting advice


mrborland80
Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch T...
Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch This!

Recommended Posts

Hello,

 

I have a 4 y/o with a girl who lives about 200 miles away from me. We've tried many times to reconcile our differences over these years, but it typically results in epic failure.

 

We both have college degrees and jobs, she's the CP and I'm the NCP, currently on child support.

 

However, due to her drinking habits and lifestyle, her parents take care of him. It's not that she's a bad mother, but she drinks every day, typically getting fairly drunk, hysterical, and occasionally violent, which I'll get to in a minute. So, her parents decided it would be in the best interest of our son that they keep him and care for him.

 

She has on several occasions physically assaulted me. She has thrown rocks at my car, punched me in face, destroyed my property, and torn up my cash. The last time was when her parents ultimately decided that Her and I together was a very bad thing for him, which is totally understandable.

 

They kicked her out of their house, and she actually has an apartment in the projects but I don't want my son in that environment and she doesn't feel safe there, so she is currently house-sitting for a friend.

 

Since I currently live so far away, I don't get to see him anywhere near as much as I like, and she never offers to bring him up here or meet me half way, it's always her dad that has to do all this. And since she doesn't physically take care of him, I can't call her to speak to him, I have to call the grandparents, which can sometimes be a hassle because I always get lectures about parenting and all sorts of bizarre things.

 

Which brings me to the main point of my post. We were trying to launch a relationship back in May once again, and she and our child were together. She got intoxicated and crazy one night, so I told her that she can't drink anymore if she can't control herself. So she instead decides she's going back to her hometown with our child.

 

I remained staying in touch with her and my son but one day she decides to verbally assault me on the phone about my anxiety disorder, and she even has a degree in psychology so yuck.

 

Anyway, I decided I just couldn't speak to her for a while. So she starts dating this other guy and is intentionally bringing my son around him. I don't know who he is, which is bothersome. But I know I can't do anything about who she dates or who she brings him around unless something illegal is going on.

 

So, does anybody besides me think that bringing a new man into a 4 year old's life who she doesn't know that well is a poor decision? She's dated before but never brought him around the other guys. Considering her history with drinking and violent behavior, it really bothers me.

 

I know this is a TLDR post, but what would you guys do? I'm thinking about seeking visitation rights and/or partial custody, because I don't trust these other men and I don't want my son to become confused due to her promiscuity. Only reason I didn't do this before was because we had a fairly routine schedule of me seeing him, and she promised not to bring him around other guys. But things have obviously changed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am the single mother of a 4 year old boy. I would never bring anybody around him that I didn't completely trust. The good thing is that a 4 year old is capable of telling you if anybody hurts him.

 

She sounds like a totally irresponsible parent and she shouldn't have custody of her son. It should be split between you and the grandparents. I would see an attorney or social services immediately.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You've got bigger problems here than who she's dating. She's drinking daily, drunk, hysterical, violent, and unable to care for her child. I think it's pretty clear that she's an unfit parent and somebody else needs to have legal custody of this child.

 

Get a lawyer and sue for custody. If you don't feel capable of doing that, then find out if her parents are willing to sue for legal custody (since it seems they are his caretakers already) with visitation rights legally established for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry but I don't agree that she isn't a bad mother. If she's regularly drunk, violent, and doesn't even physically take care of her child then she's not being a mother at all.

 

And for the life of me I can't understand why you'd even try again to have a relationship with this woman.

 

If I were you I'd file for full custody of your child. Your ex sounds like a train wreck and the one who is suffering is the child. Or if you don't feel you can handle full custody then try to work something out with her parents where they can assume custody and you get liberal visitation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Err... is she not a bad Mother by virtue of the fact the child isn't staying with her?

Yes I realize I worded that poorly. I just didn't want to come on here and flame her and say she is some piece of garbage. Your point is correct but it's hard to not at least care about the other parent's well-being even if you can't stand them.

 

 

And for the life of me I can't understand why you'd even try again to have a relationship with this woman.

I know but unfortunately sometimes emotions can blind logic, that's why in the past I was trying to have a relationship with her, because she usually initiated the re-establishment and I kept falling for it. I know it was stupid, but I wanted him to be with both of his parents, unfortunately it always blew up in my face.

 

 

Anyway, thanks for all the input from everyone. It's been helpful, I needed some unbiased thoughts on what I should do. It was basically how I felt, so it was some good advice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Being a grandmother that had custody of my grandchildren, I can offer you this....raising little ones after we have already raised our own children is not the easiest thing in the world. I was often tired and wished that their father was in a position to help take care of them.

 

You should probably talk with the grandparents and see if they are willing to let you take him. You don't want to uproot the child but at the same time he isn't safe with his mother and his grandparents may be feeling overwhelmed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...