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How to ask him where we stand without making him angry...


divz21
Is My Relationship Over - Signs
Is My Relationship Over - Signs

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Hey guys...

 

Just had an amazing weekend with my friends and the guy i love.. hes giving me signals that he loves me with loads of texts...saying love u forever and ever...but we still aint officially together...i mean we have a good time together and he wants to ease into the relationship.. and says he will ask me out.. but i just dont know when.. i dont know if its a good idea to ask him... or leave it for a little while longer...

 

I really dont know whats best to do...he says he believes me now.. and i feel like things are really good.. but if there is anything i can do to help myself.. or is it best to speak to him face to face to ask.. but previously i have asked and he gets mad.. and says i keep spoiling things by asking.. but its different now.. i think..

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By asking him whether you're together, you are giving him all the power to define the relationship. By accusing you of spoiling things by asking where you stand, he is refusing to give you any commitment.

 

Is this really what you want to go running into? Or maybe, maybe, it might be worth your while to 'ease into the relationship' yourself? He's telling you all sorts of things about himself by his actions; how are they likely to impact on you, and is this what you want in the longer term?

 

It seems that at the moment you are very focused on how he feels about you. IMHO, it's much more important to sit back and look at how you feel about him, his attitudes and the way he treats you. What's he telling you about himself; is this what you want, and if so ... carry on. But don't hand over all your power to him.

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hey..

 

its weird he gives me signals he holds my hand touches my leg when we are alone and does kiss me and tell me im beautiful..i do care alot about him and i do say i love you back..the way he treats me is good.. but im kind of confused because in front of our new friends he says im his girlfriend.. but obviously our close mates know we aint officially together.. he tells me everything how his day goes what hes been doing and plans.. and says wants to have kids and marry me.. he says all these things.. and gives me all the signals.. and says he cant be without me... we have been going out and having a good time.. we practically hold hands and do what couples do.. but he still hasnt asked me out and made it official..

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hey..

 

its weird he gives me signals he holds my hand touches my leg when we are alone and does kiss me and tell me im beautiful..i do care alot about him and i do say i love you back..the way he treats me is good.. but im kind of confused because in front of our new friends he says im his girlfriend.. but obviously our close mates know we aint officially together.. he tells me everything how his day goes what hes been doing and plans.. and says wants to have kids and marry me.. he says all these things.. and gives me all the signals.. and says he cant be without me... we have been going out and having a good time.. we practically hold hands and do what couples do.. but he still hasnt asked me out and made it official..

 

Talk is cheap, and so is the physical interactions. Some people just like the good feeling that comes along with physical touch so he is getting these good feelings without making anything official to to the people who REALLY count...namely YOU and his longtime closer friends. It doesn't matter that he calls you his girlfriend in front of his new friends...they are superficial acquaintances who don't have the history with him. If he can't tell his long-time friends then that says more about his true motivations than any of the fluff words and physical gestures. A person who truly wants a future with someone will tell the people who count most in his life...close friends and family....if close friends and family are not told, that means he is not serious enough..don't allow yourself to be strung along.

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his close friends and family do know that eventually we will get back together.. but hes not saying anything right now.. im not acting like his girlfriend.. i just say what i feel..

 

 

That's like being almost pregnant. If his friends and family know that you are going to get back together then why isn't he making it official..what's the big secret?

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yeah i have no clue.. maybe its best i speak to him.. instead of getting myself all confused with things.. i should be straight up and say how i feel.. he could either get mad or be cool about things.. i guess i just have to bite the bullet and say how i feel.. lack of communication was one of the reasons for the break up.. so i guess this may be a step forward aswell in the right direction.. to him it would seem like everything is fine.. as i havent said anything.. so guess thats my fault but im thinking just best to speak face to face.. any comments?...

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I agree, you need to speak to him. If he gets angry then that would be an indication that he had no intention of becoming official and just wanted to stay in limbo where he gets what he wants and you don't get what you want. My ex pulled that "get angry, get annoyed" ploy whenever I tried to get him to stop being so wishy washy. People who truly care do not get angry when you want them to make a decision about the status of a relationship. People who just want to play games and use you get angry, continue with wish washy behaviour or just "get even" by hurting you. That was my ex...he did all three.

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ok here goes.. basically because of the break up.. i am not going into details but i cheated on him...so he doesnt want other people but close mates knowing the situation as far as other people are concerned we are still together and that is also why the facebook status says we are in a relationship.. so its more complicated!... he didnt actually tell me this but our mutual friend told me.. and i get it now.. but its really hard on me.. and really unfair..

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Hey guys i didnt even speak to him.. i was planning to speak to him today but he brought it up over msn..

 

he said that everything i was doing was fine and said to me he wants to get back together but doesnt want it to be the same he wants it different..

 

he wants more space and doesnt want to continuously text me but he said the only problem is how i deal with my family problems..

 

he has always been the guy to help me through my family problems.. and i break down with issues apparently every couple of weeks.. and he said that i need to get some help.. and i know i have been saying it that i need counselling as these problems tend to eat me up and upset me... from the start of the relationship with him he has always helped me with all my problems like a prince charming who always rescued me he was the guy i fell in love with and now.. hes changing.. he says that he cant deal with my family issues as he feels its going to affect our relationship...

 

I always thought having a bf u can always count on them to help u and make u happy.. but seems like hes being really selfish.. i am planning to let out all my feelings tomorrow.. its soo much in me supressed.. i just feel like crying all over again.. coz he finally can trust me and feels everything yet because of my family problems he doesnt want to be with me right now.. i think hes making excuses.. what do u guys think?

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