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Girlfriend lies about little things.


howitza1

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I have a bit of an issue with my current girlfriend. We're in a LDR for almost a year now and I have a bit of a problem with her constantly lying about very little things quite a bit. Nothing big but just stupid little things like what are you doing, etc. Since we're in a LDR it's quite easy to hide what you're doing or not being entirely truthful. Communicating itself isn't exactly her strong suit and I think she just lies to avoid possible confrontation or arguments. Instead she'll just outright lie and hope that I don't pick up with it.

 

She does it typically because she thinks I'd be upset with what she says or is embarassed by it. Nothing bad (that I know of) but I'm worried that it's going to snowball into a cronic thing if I make it easy for her to lie. I'd never really be upset with her if she told the truth even if it wasn't necessarily something I'd approve of. She has many passive/aggressive tendancies and I'm not sure what else to do at this point. Pretty much every time I've "caught" her in a lie I've told her to stop doing it because usually I know exactly when she's BS'ing me and when she isn't.

 

What else can I do that will change this behavior? I think I've been pretty patient with it and I honestly think she's doing it not out of maliciousness or because she's a cronic liar but simply because she would rather lie than tell the truth (or how she feels) and risk a possible argument.

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How long have you been together? Were you once together in person or has it always been LDR?

 

Basically, she DOES have to choose for herself, but what you can do is help her over her fears of what will happen if she just tells the truth. You can just be really mild with her. When she lies about something, and you know it's not true, you just GENTLY and lovingly say something like, 'Honey, I know that's not true and that maybe you're afraid to tell me the truth. Sometimes we just need to face those fears. Why don't you just give it a try and see what happens?"

 

Many times when people lie out of fear, they will stop lying if the fear is removed.

 

Now there is another possibility - that she believes herself to be basically dishonest because she is guilty of something. Your intuition, however, is not telling you this, so I would focus on making it very comfortable and safe for her to tell the truth.

 

Good luck!

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She probably does feel guilty since I've told her (without getting into specifics) that certain things she does I don't particularly approve of. She'll lie about these *things* quite a bit rather than risk a possible unsavory conversation. At this point I've basically accepted it (I still tell her that I think it's something she shouldn't do) since she's going to have to make that decision ultimately herself anyway.

 

I do really think it's based on fear. In a way it makes me feel guilty that she feels forced to have to lie now but ultimately the lying is far worse than any act itself. It's a situation where it almost feels like a catch 22 at this point.

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I used to date a girl that did this kind of thing. Let's just say that her lies were a symptom of several, much larger issues. If I were you, I'd evaluate my relationship and take a critical look at where the two of you stand. Personally, for me, this kind of thing is a deal breaker.

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She probably does feel guilty since I've told her (without getting into specifics) that certain things she does I don't particularly approve of. She'll lie about these *things* quite a bit rather than risk a possible unsavory conversation. At this point I've basically accepted it (I still tell her that I think it's something she shouldn't do) since she's going to have to make that decision ultimately herself anyway.

 

I do really think it's based on fear. In a way it makes me feel guilty that she feels forced to have to lie now but ultimately the lying is far worse than any act itself. It's a situation where it almost feels like a catch 22 at this point.

 

Why are you expressing "disapproval"? That is something a parent does, not a partner. I recommend ceasing issuing judgments on things. Keep them to yourself and eventually you will have enough information to make a decision. If you are issuing disapproval thinking that she will stop doing something, then you are wrong. Whatever she's doing, she's not going to stop doing just because you disapprove.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I think I'm having the same problem with my girlfriend. We have an LDR as well, we met while I was studying abroad last year. Lately I feel she's been lying about things too. Just today, she told me 2 different stories about why she didn't answer her phone all day yesterday. First she said her friends dragged her out of the house so fast that she forgot her cell phone, then not 5 minutes later she said that her friends suggested she didnt bring her cell phone out with them so she could "enjoy the moment". I didn't even notice this until I came home later today. She said that if she didnt pick up tonight, it's because she's busy with her friends and can't talk, so of course I tried anyway and she wouldnt pick up, and now her phone is off. Yesterday and earlier today also, im sure she was canceling my calls because it stopped ringing early when I called.

 

At the same time, she's very sweet to me many other times and makes me feel great. But it bugs the hell out of me.

 

So I guess were in this together man lol. Try talking to her about it, hat's what I'm gonna do with mine tomorrow. Lemme know though, good luck.

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