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When you're too shy to make conversation, eye contact, or smile


LightbulbSun

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What do you do? I just got home from the grocery store; there was a cute girl working behind the counter, and I couldn't even make eye contact with her or look at her. When she smiled at me, I smiled back a little bit but looked down, and then when I walked away, I blushed beet red.

 

How in the world do you get over this shyness? It's like a curse. I can't imagine a girl wanting a guy that's so shy they can't even talk to them, or that they physically shake in their presence. ](*,)

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What do you do? I just got home from the grocery store; there was a cute girl working behind the counter, and I couldn't even make eye contact with her or look at her. When she smiled at me, I smiled back a little bit but looked down, and then when I walked away, I blushed beet red.

 

How in the world do you get over this shyness? It's like a curse. I can't imagine a girl wanting a guy that's so shy they can't even talk to them, or that they physically shake in their presence. ](*,)

 

I don't have an answer...but I want you to know you're not alone in this, because it plagues me as well.

 

I'm fine when it's anyone and everyone that I'm not attracted to, but there's this girl I'm attracted to, and this is what happens to me every single time.

 

It pains me to no end.

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practice.

 

 

that's how i'm working on my shyness... by continually pushing myself to make a fool out of myself. it gets easier...

 

That's what I'm trying to do. I forced myself to ask the girl if they were hiring, even though I know they usually aren't (I've tried applying there before.)

 

I'd just like to be a confident, outgoing guy by age 30, and to date before then. And not blush like a little kid whenever I see an attractive girl.

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That's what I'm trying to do. I forced myself to ask the girl if they were hiring, even though I know they usually aren't (I've tried applying there before.)

 

I'd just like to be a confident, outgoing guy by age 30, and to date before then. And not blush like a little kid whenever I see an attractive girl.

 

Well I'm 29, have dated, had long-term relationships...but my last one ended terribly for me.

 

I think that's why I'm having such difficulty now with this girl I'm interested in (turning all red, nervous, sweaty, brain going to mush around her, etc., etc.).

 

When my last relationship ended, I thought I'd never date again, and haven't really, either.

 

I haven't kissed a woman or done anything at all since my Ex. That was 4 years ago and counting now. Yikes!

 

Keep in mind that I'm not easily impressed by just the average woman, either...reason I'm saying this all is because I think the longer we wait or whatever, the harder it gets.

 

That's why I understand your situation...from the waiting aspect and the nervousness, etc. as well.

 

But I'm sure you're like me, you're not gonna just settle for whatever, either.

 

I hope I didn't ramble on and not make any sense...hope I helped with that last post.

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I forget what type of therapy its called but exposing yourself to the situation you are scared of repeatedly reduces and sometimes eliminates the fear. For example an OCD person who is scared of dirt would be told to put their hand in a bucket of mud or be told to touch a door handle. By repeatedly exposing yourself to the thing that you are scared of (in your case looking women in the eye etc) in time it can reduce your fear of the action.

 

I would recommend that you start with the eye contact and focus on that. If you cant look in their eyes look at the forehead or in the middle of their eyes, that will look like you are staring them in the eye. Keep practicing it and in time you will be more and more comfortable with it.

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I'd just like to be a confident, outgoing guy by age 30, and to date before then. And not blush like a little kid whenever I see an attractive girl.

Well, you appear to be confident that you are shy Notice how you play out (of) this 'confidence'. You have confided in (in other words made your very own) shyness/fear.

 

True confidence is not making yourself into anything, not confiding in anything but your essential undefined self - your basic beingness, your natural state.

 

Such confidence is beauty, attractiveness; and when such beholds beauty, attractiveness, it is beauty beholding itself - and one may well be stunned for a spell - but one recovers; one 'becomes used' to seeing beauty - simply being.

 

When you see something/someone beautiful, you are being shown your own beauty.

 

With best wishes,

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I forget what type of therapy its called but exposing yourself to the situation you are scared of repeatedly reduces and sometimes eliminates the fear. For example an OCD person who is scared of dirt would be told to put their hand in a bucket of mud or be told to touch a door handle. By repeatedly exposing yourself to the thing that you are scared of (in your case looking women in the eye etc) in time it can reduce your fear of the action.

 

I would recommend that you start with the eye contact and focus on that. If you cant look in their eyes look at the forehead or in the middle of their eyes, that will look like you are staring them in the eye. Keep practicing it and in time you will be more and more comfortable with it.

 

It's CBT, and I've just started it. I'm going to bring this recent event up to my therapist, see if I can work through it.

 

It does make sense, and part of my problem is that I knock myself for messing up (I'll be shy, and then I'll punish myself for being shy, which makes me feel even more avoidant of the situation.) I'm still working on how to improve my self esteem to the point where I don't do that.

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I'm not sure if this is helpful, but i think it is a good idea to remind yourself that you're approaching a person who has flaws and insecurities, like anyone else. Maybe a small part of you feels that you have 'no business' smiling at the particular woman or talking with her? I think that you can definitely work on this little by little, though. It's something that you can expose yourself to, a step at a time, like the others have said. It's good that you've been working through it.

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Just have to work on it. I still have trouble with starting conversation (but once it gets going I'm fine), and at the moment that's the biggest hurdle I'm trying to jump over.

 

For eye contact and smiling, what I did months ago was go to an amusement park. I did my best to hold eye contact with every attractive woman I saw - even if she was with a man. Tons of opportunities to try this. Don't do it too much, though, or it'll become creepy - not that it matters, you'll probably never see them again. I managed to hold eye contact until THEY looked away every time - except one.

 

I was on a huge escalator heading into the parking structure, looked back down, and caught the eyes of a gorgeous brunette looking right back up at me. Her friends were talking to eachother, but for probably over 10 seconds, we had a connection. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, and looked away. I still regret not approaching her, but I was with my friends, she was with hers - not ideal at all, and of course I'm STILL having trouble with initiating conversation.

 

Basically just gotta work on it. All the time. I have no issues with eye contact these days.

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What do you do? I just got home from the grocery store; there was a cute girl working behind the counter, and I couldn't even make eye contact with her or look at her. When she smiled at me, I smiled back a little bit but looked down, and then when I walked away, I blushed beet red.

 

How in the world do you get over this shyness? It's like a curse. I can't imagine a girl wanting a guy that's so shy they can't even talk to them, or that they physically shake in their presence. ](*,)

 

LOL ur so cute! (no homo). Actually I'm kinda the same, except that I don't put myself in ur shoes when I approach a girl at the counter. I tend to find that if I'm checking the girl out who works behind the counter, I become shy. But if I think about her as a cashier who's sorting out my grocery (which is her socioeconomic function in that particular spatiotemporal dimension), then I can talk to her normally. LOL.

 

So basically, think to yourself, "She's smiling at me cos she has to - it's part of her job," not "OMG she's smiling at me!"

 

Kinda takes the fun out of the equation, but saves your embarrasement. Then you can get on with your mundane grocery chore, yet treat yourself to the perks of carrying out a short but good exchange with your cashier (not THAT girl).

 

And who knows, if you performed the same exchange 20-30x over the course of a few months, you may just get there.

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Get in touch with meaning | get in ...
Get in touch with meaning | get in touch with sentences | Common English Idioms #shorts

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