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X,

 

I miss you, I miss you so much, more than you can possibly imagine.

I think about you every second of the day. Not contacting you has been the hardest thing ever. I have broken down a few times and text you when maybe I shouldn’t but I am finding it so hard.

It really hurt when you didn’t respond to me. I don’t know what I was expecting, I just thought you might have been struggling too, obviously I was wrong.

I know you need space and I am sorry for contacting you, I just find it so hard.

I really thought you loved me, I believed you when you said those words to me. That is how I felt about you.

I am now beginning to doubt you. It feels as though by not responding you don’t care. You said you needed space but all I can assume now is that you’ve walked away and are moving on.

I’ve always been honest with you about everything, I mean every word I’ve ever said to you. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone else before. I mean it when I say I want you, you can trust me.

I was honest about what happened in Oz, when I say I stopped it, it felt so wrong all I wanted was you. I made a mistake which I am truly sorry for, my head was a mess then. If I didn’t love you why would I still be here?

 

Have you really been so honest with me? You say you were completely in love with me. How can you mean that if you don’t trust me? You don’t even want to work on issues you might have with me. If you really loved me we could work through this. I forgave you and I love you.

I still thought given some time and space we could have got through this because I want to be with you more than anything and you said the same to me.

I know your head is a mess and I never expected you to just sort it. You have so much going on right now but I didn’t even know what you were going through because you never spoke to me about it.

I have always been there for you, I still am. I’ve always said if you need space I’d give you that but all I can assume after 3 weeks of not contacting me and not responding to my messages is that it’s over completely.

 

I am trying to move on because I don’t want to hang on to somebody who doesn’t want me. When you really love someone that is so hard to do. My brain won’t switch off and I think about you 24/7.

I lie awake at night wondering if you are thinking about me then get upset because I know you are probably not.

I love you gorgeous, I miss you so much. I can’t hold on to you but I know I will never meet someone with quite the same connection again.

I really thought we were good together and had a future. Maybe it was a case of bad timing with everything else in your life.

 

I hope one day you will clear your head and get in touch with me. I cannot hold on to that because although I want you do you really want me? I am not so sure. You used to make me feel like you did but I don’t know anything anymore.

 

x

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I haven't sent it!

I really felt like sending it but for now I haven't. I am tempted because I'm rather lost and can only make my own assumptions that things are completely over.

For now I am sticking to NC. The last 2 weekends I have cracked and text her which got me nowhere so I am actually quite proud that this time I completed day 7 NC.

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Please do not send the letter. I am sorry to say this, but although it is written well, it sounds kinda needy and would not sit well with your ex. The NC is the best way to send out a powerful message him.... Leave him alone, live your life, move on and let him come to you.

 

You know life has a funny way of taking care of things,,, one of these days he might want you back and the funny thing is that maybe you found someone else better way better. Dont settle for less move forward.

 

Please dont send the letter....

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But will she really come to me?

3 weeks seems forever for not hearing from someone who supposidly loved me and just had a few issues and needed space. In the couple of weeks before this she cracked so many times and told me she missed me. Thats not happening now. Even when I am weak and have text her she was strong enough not to respond so I guess she really is moving on.

Does it really matter if I sound needy if it's over anyway?

I just feel like there is so much more to say........tell me it's over, tell me you don't want me. Last I heard 3 weeks ago was that you did love me were just confused! 2 days later you missed me but nothing else since!

 

Trying to be strong it's just so hard. Not contacting her now but don't know how much longer I will be able to go on without having her at least tell me it's over. I know I need to give her space, but how long can I really let 'space' last. I can't hold on to 'space' sorting out her head.

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I'm going crazy!

 

I'm having a constant battle with myself about if I should contact her. Not hearing from her is so hard.

 

Side one - I have to give her space, she is the only one who can came to me. She didn't respond before what good will it do this time? (Although my text did not directly answer a question so she did not need to answer)

 

Side two - Not knowing what she's thinking. Needing to know if there is hope or if things are really over. Maybe she is missing me as well but too scared to contact me. She is insecure and maybe needs re-asuring that I still want her. Or if she doesn't care wouldn't it help me if I knew so I could move on?

 

She said she loved me wanted to be with me but head was a mess. Never said it was over just said she didn't know what to do, needed space. If I believe this then there is still hope, but nothing for 3 weeks is killing me. Or maybe she was lying and just told me this not to hurt my feelings even though I kept saying I would rather she told me if she no longer wanted me.

 

I try so hard not to think about her but have this constant battle with myself over if she still cares or not.

I know I need to move on but how do you get someone out of your head?

 

Last night I stayed busy all night trying to block her out. Even in bed tried so hard not to think about her but 10mins later she's there. It doesn't matter how much I try to keep busy she is in my head 24/7!

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