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I really just... Don't Like Me.


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I'm 14, and im male. I feel like I shouldnt even be posting here because im a boy, nonetheless im a kid, but I just don't know where else to go... but, um anyways, I'm a geek, I'm short, I don't play sports, but I skateboard, I'm terrible at relationships, and I read somewhere girls don't like guys that lack self confidence... Which, I do. I lived in New Mexico for 4 years, and came back to Ohio after and I visited some of my old friends, they're all tall, muscular, play sports, have the best looking best personalitied girl, and are really what i want to be, but im not. I've been in this state of sadness for maybe 2, 3 years, but for as long as I can remember, I've always been paranoid, and self conscious, weak, and girlish... nobodies ever REALLY picked on me for it I guess, but by my image, short,long hair, depressed look, people seem to make cracks about it, about a year ago though i got fed up with that so ever since ive worn a smile on my face, so i just laugh along. I'm not really even sure why i posted this, im just really depressed and maybe wanted some tips on how to improve my self confidence, or, improve my body image something, and i know its what counts thats important but I really think what doesn't count would improve what really counts...If that makes sense... Um, thats all I guess... reply, or don't, just needed someone to listen...:sad:

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Welcome to ENA Falldown! We are glad to have you here!

 

You should post anytime you feel necessary, and now is a necessary time. Your age or gender has nothing to do with wanting to be heard. I am glad you came here.

 

There is always going to be someone out there who is "better than you". You can do one of two things, let the insecurity overwhelm you, or be proactive, and do things that make you feel good about yourself.

 

You say you are a geek. That is not a bad thing, there are lots of women who like "geeky" guys. You just have to find her, which might be difficult. When I was in high school, I loved the geeky guys but I was too shy to say anything.

 

Why do you think you are terrible at relationships?

 

If you lack self confidence, why don't you start a workout routine? You could build some muscle strength and the exercise would raise your endorphins making you happier. Then you would feel happier instead of faking smiles, and you would see results in your body and then you would feel more confident.

 

There was this boy I knew and he was one of this hottest guys I have ever met. I am five foot six, so he was probably five four or five five. He was smart and geeky, played in the band. I am sure he felt the same way you do right now. He worked out and got buff. It built up his confidence and he became even more attractive. He was still a humble and sweet guy, all the working out did was make him even more appealing because he felt more confident.

 

You can also try a makeover. Get a hair cut into a particular style, get some new clothes. Right now its summer, you have a month or so before school starts. Hit a gym, workout, get some new clothes and a new style and when you go back to school, you will be able to walk in with a whole new persepective and a more confident you.

 

All the best,

owb

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Hi falldown and welcome to ENA!

 

First of all, there's no reason you shouldn't be posting here, we get lots of young people your age (male and female) on this site, so I'm glad you found us!

 

At fourteen, you still have alot of growing to do, so there's a very good chance that over the next few years you'll become quite a bit taller. Your description of yourself reminded me very much of a friend of my son's (he's 17 now). Anyway, same thing...he was much shorter than all of the other boys for as long as I've known him, long blond hair and completely into skateboarding. I hadn't seen him for quite along time and he came to our door a few weeks ago and I didn't even recognize him. He had a major growth spurt and he's gotta be about 5'9" now and still growing. I think his parents may have taken him to the doctor about his height at one point but I don't know if he had been given any kind of growth hormones or if it was just his natural growth pattern. If you feel that you're extremely short for your age, ask your parents to take you to the doctor and see if you need anything in that area...even a vitamin or mineral deficiency can cause problems when you're growing. If you want to improve your body image, you could start working out a bit, but don't go overboard with weights at your age. Get someone to advise you on that...maybe join a local community centre and you could get some advice. Swimming is also great for the body.

 

Fourteen and any of the teen years can be rough, but adolescence has got to be the most difficult and awkward for alot of people. It may not seem like it when you look at others, but I can guarantee you that most of them feel just as unsure and self conscious about themselves as you do.

 

At fourteen it's really too early to label yourself as terrible at relationships, you'll gain experience with time. I'll bet there are probably a couple of guys at your school who seem to have it all together when it comes to girls, but everyone else is in the same boat as you are....you'll all get there and figure it out eventually, just try to be patient.

 

There are lots of girls out there who go for the skater types, so don't discount yourself or who you are. Don't believe everything that you read in books about girls either and what they like and don't like in a guy. They're all individuals and have different preferences, so don't try to become someone you're not to please someone else. Just be true to yourself and be who you are and you can't go wrong.

 

If you find that the depression that you're feeling is overwhelming you or starts to get worse, please speak to your parent's about it...they will want to know and they'll get you help for it. Keep in mind that at your age your hormones are going a bit crazy and that can have quite an affect on your moods.

 

You will be okay...just be patient.

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You sound really nice. The idea of working out and building up muscle is a good one. It's something you can do to make a change. What you cannot change, you must accept. No use fretting over something that can't be changed. What can be changed is your attitude to what can't be changed. You can choose to have a postive or a negative attitude to it. Always choose the more positive. And stop comparing yourself to others. (I know, I do it too, but trying to change). There is a lot you can do to self help. Google something like 'how to build confidence', 'how to change and grow'. Make it a project to work on. Going to the gym and changing your hair, clothes (maybe) is the best way to start. You will enjoy the challenge. All the best

offplanet

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well just be carefull to not fall in thw wrong crowd. I had the same self esteem as you did as a younger individual and i made some bad choices started hanging out with the wrong crow to fit in. I achieved everything i wanted being ignorant, i was finally the cool kids, i started playing sports, fighting, training to box so i wouldnt lose fights, basically working out to save my reputation that i built...........and it was not worth it at all. I could of boxed played sports skate do all the positive things i wanted without the bad crowd. The hardest part is getting out there, start becoming active and everything will come together. Get up early go run in the park shoot the ball before anyone is there, buy some weights and work out, read self help books, chicken soup for the teenage soul is very good i read it at 19 and it helped...........just stay away from the bad cool kids who will show you love but your better than that............if you get involved with sports youll meet more kids you just have to work hard at it and catch up to there level while everyone else sleeps..............its worth it if you look clean and fresh i get college girls because of it so enjoy my secrete

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Part of being 14 and a teen in general is going through this. Don't worry about being a geek now, just concentrate on your life. The guys I knew like you poured themselves into studies, had a few close friends and a few girlfriends only. The guys where were popular jocks got all the friends and the girls. It is only temporary. The guys who are like you are the ones who can make it. They go to school, succeed and come back to find those popular jocks at Walmart and McDonalds. I can't tell you how many times I have seen that. For guys and girls from my high school.

 

I'm a girl, but I am where you were. Totally a geek, super shy, terribly self conscious, and didn't fit in. I had a few friends but no guys liked me. It will turn around for you.

 

Thing is I know one of your problems. You are depressed because of how your life is which leads you to look and present as depressed. Because you are self conscious you are even more so because you are scared girls will notice and girls don't like that (by the way some girls don't care and some find it cute).

 

Don't change yourself too much. In the end you will come out wiser and better. School (the social side of it) doesn't matter. The people there don't matter. Be friends with the ones who are nice, not cool. Be a nice guy and girls will respond to that. Everyone is under so much pressure that no one will be who they just are. You will find a girl who doesn't care if you are geeky or have long hair and will even like that about you maybe.

 

One thing I wish I had known back then was it just doesn't matter. Study and get through these years with the close friendships that matter. Popularity fades, beauty fades, the popular kids only have a few years before most of them fall into their sad lives of failure where high school really was all they had. Work on making your life count, not on fitting it. You should never strive to be one of the heard.

 

I know it sucks, but part of being a teen is being sad with extreem emotions. Just try not to let it bother you. I hope you feel a little better and never be afraid to talk it out. It helps. People do care and have advice and hopefully a little wisdom to share.

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Welcome to the forum! There is alot of great advice here that will help you both today and in the upcoming years.

 

I'm a 25 year old male who went through the exact same thing when I was your age, along almost the exact same lines and situation. I can only recommend the following:

 

1. Be patient- change is a long and gradual process that can take alot of time and effort. It is a process that will take your entire life and will not come easily, but change does happen. Keep working towards your goals and you WILL see results.

 

2. Find a good therapist. Someone you trust and can establish a relationship with. But be very careful about this option if you plan on a career of civil service, especially if the military/police is a possible career path. Bipolar disorder and/or suicidial thoughts (IDK if you have them I'm no therapist) are an automatic disqualifier and some medications are either disqualifiers or you need to get off of them before boot and lying about your medical past can result in a fradulent discharge (a felony that affects your civil work opportunities). Still if you need therapy you need it, I cant stress that enough. If therapy is something you are thinking about PM me and I'll be happy to go over with you the problems that I personally encountered as a result of my therapy and how you can plan aspects of your future.

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