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Finding things to do when your single...need ideas


enchanted771

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I am single (not married, but attached) when i moved here, i had no one but my ex. Now, i only have my son, and my boyfriend. I dont see my boyfriend everyday (we live an hour away if that is by car, longer by train) Anyways, i am currently looking for a job, so i have been depending too much on him. So, here it is, a Friday night and i cant figure out what it is i can do. I dont feel like going to a bar tonight. I am not in the mood to go dancing either.

 

So, from the other singles, what do you do on the days your not with your SO? it seems, when in my last relationship, i was always busy. I lived in a smaller town even. My ex and i were in a LDR, but still it seems i was alot busier. Just looking for ideas to keep myself busy. I dont want to sit around and wait for his text. The longer he takes to answer the more anxious i get, and the more irrational thought stir up in my head lol when nothing is wrong at all. I have to give him his space too. I dont want to look like a crazy stalker gf!

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Hey

How old is your son? Can you pass him to some friends some nights?

You could watch some good movies or comedies, something to keep you engaged. Or read a good book, take up a course ( not for the evenings, but still, something to engage you and keep you motivated )

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Hi Enchanted ... me again!

 

I've got a fantastic book called 'Staying OK', which suggests an exercise which is really useful for sorting out just this kind of question in your own mind.

 

Just sit down and write a list of all the things you would like; work quickly and intuitively and if half the things seem crazy, don't worry about it or judge them to begin with, just keep writing until there's nothing left. (Analysing how you're going to carry them out is the next bit!)

 

They can be as frivolous as 'a gold glitter pen' and as serious as 'an end to the war in Afghanistan' and everything in between, just keep making your list.

 

Then go through your list and see which 'wants' can be acted upon immediately (the glitter pen would be a good example of this); one of mine was wanting 'blue * * * * nesting in the garden'; (as this was November, the only thing I could do was to put up a nest box, but sure enough the little fellas moved in the following spring!); if it's something world-changing, join an organisation which specialises in that area; write to a politician, whatever.

 

This can be a very liberating way of accessing some hidden wants and needs, and working out how you're going to achieve them can be fun and very creative. If money is an issue, brainstorm all the activities which don't cost anything - a walk in the park, watching the sunset etc. If you've drifted away from friends because you've moved house, get in touch with them. A postcard saying 'Hi!' from someone you haven't seen in a while can really make your day - people will love to hear from you!

 

Another way of accessing hidden wants is to look at people you feel envious of - I know that envy is supposed to be a negative thing, but it can be a really useful way of letting ourselves know what we really want to do. I read this lovely story once, written by a published novelist who had started her professional life a journalist; she found herself getting really jealous of a colleague who kept getting her books published, and then realised that this was because this was actually a cherished dream of her own - and the rest is history.

 

Anyway, I'll finish now. I doubt you'll have time to feel bored or lonely whilst you get your teeth into that lot

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Hi enchanted. I see that you live in NYC. There should be a lot of things to do. I'm not sure how old your son is and if you are looking to do things when he is not around.

 

What are some of your hobbies? There is a website called link removed that lists all kinds of group activities. You can even start your own.

 

I am like you - a single mom and I don't see my significant other much. Most of the people I meet and social activities I do are through my son. He is only 4 but he goes to daycare and I hang out with the other parents quite a bit. I've invited other parents for playdates and they have in turn invited me. If your son is older does he play any sports? Do you go and do you socialize with the other parents?

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Hey How old is your son? Can you pass him to some friends some nights? You could watch some good movies or comedies, something to keep you engaged. Or read a good book, take up a course ( not for the evenings, but still, something to engage you and keep you motivated )
i have shared custody, so i dont have him every night.
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i read that it's good to learn a new craft or hobby or read a new book that you'll find interesting..or get a pet cat.. they're less boring than dogs...

 

A dog can get you out of the house, exercising, hiking, down to the beach, dog parks, etc. A cat just stays inside and is pretty independent...I think a dog is way less boring than a cat!

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I went to the gym, out to dinner/drinks/coffee with friends, did volunteer work (once a week), was active with a women's networking group (met once a month, had related events at least one other time a month), was in a book group, went to the movies, to theater, concerts, went to other networking events (work related but also social), talked on the phone with my close friends who live elsewhere.

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I am a single Mom too with shared custody. I don't have a bf (just got out of a relationship), but I too have struggled with finding things to do.

 

I think the poster who suggested making the list is spot on. I did that. I actually have 3 lists.... one for things I want to do with my son, one for bars and restaurants I want to check out, and one for things I want to do. That really has helped. Each of my lists is about a page long, full of ideas. It's kind of fun checking things off that list. I've even started making 3-month calenders, plotting out activities, just so I make sure I accomplish some of the things I want to do....

 

I also made a list of all the things I would love to "learn" about.... from languages, to arts, etc. So right now I am teaching myself a little about photography and drawing. I dedicate one night a week when I'm home with my son to learning about each (after my son is in bed naturally!) My son and I go out on occasion and take photos.... which is fun!

 

Going to the gym and setting goals there has helped to. I love to run, so I recently decided to focus on doing 5K runs for the next year, with the goal in mind of bettering my race time each run. So that helps too.... and on occasion I will go out and bike or hit some tennis balls (even if on my own!) too.

 

Joining netflix or getting DVR service can help too when you have some down time. I also keep a running list on Amazon of books I want to read so that I always have a book or two I can pick up... or have more ready and waiting for when I am done with my current reads.

 

Lastly, I joined some social networking groups through link removed. It was a little scary at first to walk into events where I didn't know anyone, but I forced myself to do it, and each time it got a little easier, and I got to know some really cool people who keep going to the same events as I am. Now I have a group of aquantences, and even a couple that I actually consider to be friends, to hang out with from time to time.

 

 

 

Best of luck!

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How To Stop Wanting A Relationship
How To Stop Wanting A Relationship

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