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Why do people dig for this information?


hockeyboy

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I see it so many times on here. Someone digs away at their partners sexual history, only to be upset when they find out the results and come here to post asking how they can get over it? I've seen it so many times with people I know as well and I just cannot for the life of me figure out why people continue to do it.

 

Most people say the "past is the past" and it doesn't matter because he/she is with you now. Well, if that is true, then why not just leave the past alone?

 

So please, enlighten me. For those of you who insisting on digging up this information, why do you do it?

 

I should note, this does not include asking about STD's, etc...obviously that is a bit different.

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I remember I dug because I wanted to know if my love for her was too much, too less, or just right. This is analogous to someone asking if the LCD TV they paid for cost too much or whether they got a great bargain. If I find out I got jibbed, I'd be pissed off. Though I do get over it after I vented, some people just can't.

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I remember I dug because I wanted to know if my love for her was too much, too less, or just right. This is analogous to someone asking if the LCD TV they paid for cost too much or whether they got a great bargain. If I find out I got jibbed, I'd be pissed off. Though I do get over it after I vented, some people just can't.

 

I'm still baffled. So you loved her X amount and once you got the information, you decided you loved her to much or to less?

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So please, enlighten me. For those of you who insisting on digging up this information, why do you do it?

 

cos it matters dude. it really matters.

 

i dont buy the "it was in the past, whats past is past" cr@p.

 

the past matters. if someone did something in the past, they can sure as hell do it again.

 

i think you need to know what you're getting into when you get with someone new. same as i would expect that person to dig into my past. how can someone not care what their partner did in the past?

 

and also, what actually is the past? 2 weeks before they got with you? or 20 years before you? where's the cut-off point? if you discovered your new g/f was a complete skank 20 years ago, you might think "so what?". but what if it was one year ago? bit more uncomfortable heh? how about 5 years ago?

 

better to get it all out i say.

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because to some people, committing to a partner is like buying a new car. they compare having premarital sex to a test drive and they want to know their risk analysis report...

 

 

possessiveness.. if she was a skank then i don't want what other men already "had" her. even though, most of them probably didn't have her heart, but who cares, they had her sexually! isn't that all that matters?

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the past matters. if someone did something in the past, they can sure as hell do it again.

 

Why does it matter? Do what again?

 

If you mean cheating...that's a different topic. Though I don't ask about that either, I can understand asking "have you been cheated on?" "have you cheated?"

 

What they did when they were single...or in their past relationships...how is knowing that going to change your relationship with him/her at all?

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because to some people, committing to a partner is like buying a new car. they compare having premarital sex to a test drive and they want to know the cost/risk report.

 

Again, this doesnt make sense to me. Relationship = new car?

 

I don't get the "cost/risk report" unless your talking about STD..which I discussed.

 

Am I the only one that does not get this?

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Why does it matter? Do what again?

 

If you mean cheating...that's a different topic. Though I don't ask about that either, I can understand asking "have you been cheated on?" "have you cheated?"

 

What they did when they were single...or in their past relationships...how is knowing that going to change your relationship with him/her at all?

 

because they might say something that makes you gag! They might tell you they had a gang-bang every weekend since they hit puberty. They might tell you they were a prostitute.

 

Or they might tell you they were virtually frigid and only ever had missionary-position sex with the lights out.

 

arent you remotely curious to know whether you share the same moral compass? How you gonna get to know each other?

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Again, this doesnt make sense to me. Relationship = new car?

 

I don't get the "cost/risk report" unless your talking about STD..which I discussed.

 

Am I the only one that does not get this?

 

My post was sarcastic which doesn't translate well on text, sry. Guys (sorry to generalize...ahh *burns*) tend to get put off by girls who had a promiscuous past. They feel like other men already had her.

 

Girls, on the other hand (pardon the generalization), feels that if he had a promiscuous past, they might not be up to par. They feel pale in competition with the other girls in his past. The "men are supposed to spread their seeds" thinking makes them anxious. Etc. Many reasons.

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because they might say something that makes you gag! They might tell you they had a gang-bang every weekend since they hit puberty. They might tell you they were a prostitute.

 

Or they might tell you they were virtually frigid and only ever had missionary-position sex with the lights out.

 

arent you remotely curious to know whether you share the same moral compass? How you gonna get to know each other?

 

Don't people's values change over time? Or are you just not big on the reforming bad girls?

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thanks dude

 

Hey, what is one supposed to think when you write what you wrote? To me, you want an itemized list of everything they've ever done so you can make sure your girlfriend/wife is chase, pure and unsullied.

 

At your age, that's pretty bloody unlikely, mate. Shouldn't it matter WHO she is, rather than what she DID?

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My post was sarcastic which doesn't translate well on text, sry. Guys (sorry to generalize...ahh *burns*) tend to get put off by girls who had a promiscuous past. They feel like other men already had her.

 

Girls, on the other hand (pardon the generalization), feels that if he had a promiscuous past, they might not be up to par. They feel pale in competition with the other girls in his past. The "men are supposed to spread their seeds" thinking makes them anxious. Etc. Many reasons.

 

Heh, I feel like a woman is supposed to feel then, but I'm a virgin so maybe that's why, but number of partners as a quantifiable figure, or when it comes to the nature of the relationship(s), I don't really care.

 

I'd care if she goes to the deep ends of sexuality, as in liking poop or waterworks, but those things would come up at one point.

 

(disregard the last point, I just wanted to write poop)

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I see it so many times on here. Someone digs away at their partners sexual history, only to be upset when they find out the results and come here to post asking how they can get over it? I've seen it so many times with people I know as well and I just cannot for the life of me figure out why people continue to do it.

 

Most people say the "past is the past" and it doesn't matter because he/she is with you now. Well, if that is true, then why not just leave the past alone?

 

So please, enlighten me. For those of you who insisting on digging up this information, why do you do it?

 

I should note, this does not include asking about STD's, etc...obviously that is a bit different.

 

When me and my girlfriend (now wife) discussed our pasts it was because at some level I felt like if I was going to spend the rest of my life with this person I needed to know everything about every guy she has ever dated, and now I do. I knew before we talked that she wasn't * * * * ty or promiscuous, as she had only slept with one boyfriend, but I was unaware of how many guys she had actually dated in the past and "messed around" with. I felt compelled to see how we compared in all the categories of sex. When I found out how many guys she had done oral with I was a little shocked. Not shocked because I thought it was wrong, but more so because this was the girl that I loved and I didn't like the thought of her being intimate with other guys even if they were years before me. I know that it is a very possessive attitude but that's just how I felt. There is no way I could ever get really serious about a girl without knowing her sexual past. I'm not saying sleeping around is wrong if your safe about it, but it's just not my thing and I definitely wouldn't want it to be my SO's thing before we got together.

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So how did finding out the info benefit you in any way?

 

When I first heard the number of guys she had been with I quickly judged and was kind of disappointed in the answer thinking that she got to this point by just messing around with randoms. In fact it was quite the opposite when we finally discussed her relationships in detail. She dated a lot because as it turns out she was usually dumped after a couple of months for whatever reason. Maybe it was the fact she wouldn't have sex with them I don't know, but in talking about it I was better able to see those relationships from her perspective and not be so judgemental about them.

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When I first heard the number of guys she had been with I quickly judged and was kind of disappointed in the answer thinking that she got to this point by just messing around with randoms. In fact it was quite the opposite when we finally discussed her relationships in detail. She dated a lot because as it turns out she was usually dumped after a couple of months for whatever reason. Maybe it was the fact she wouldn't have sex with them I don't know, but in talking about it I was better able to see those relationships from her perspective and not be so judgemental about them.

 

But in my scenario, you wouldn't be asking about her "numbers" or the stories behind them and you would have avoided having ever judged her or the roller coaster of emotions.

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But in my scenario, you wouldn't be asking about her "numbers" or the stories behind them and you would have avoided having ever judged her or the roller coaster of emotions.

 

Very true but I'm just a very curious person and could never let something as important as my partners sexual past just be left to the imagination. Believe me I wish I could have left it alone we definitely would have avoided a couple of arguments but it just comes down to the fact that I still have some growing up to do and I can handle that.

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It's useless information because people tend to lie anyway! My boyfriend upped his numbers and so did I. We have been together for years now and the truth slowly came out.

 

Why even ask? If a guy came out and shouted "I've been with x amount, how about you??" I might just pass him up.

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