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Female friend of my husband


lightisthere

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Hi everybody!

I am new here and generally I haven't ever posted in a forum. Now I really need to because I can't even talk to anyone about my situation. It hurts too much.

I've been married for 5 years now. The other day I found out that my husband is communicating with one of his female collegues from the office in another country. I saw even the communication itself. I will post the main parts of it - I hope it won't be to much for you. But please can you share with me your thoughts on this communication.

 

Hi …

=

Hi ….!

=

How are you?

=

I'm good.. .how about you?

=

I'm fine, thank you )

***

So many crazy things going on.. I have a strange question for you... Are you still working there at the

office? I know that they have made the staff smaller there.

%%%(6/18/2008 9:58 AM):

I don't practice English...

***I'm sorry... that's my fault

***

I should write you

%%%(6/18/2008 10:00 AM):

No, I have quitted on February

***(6/18/2008 10:01 AM):

oh.. where are you now?

%%%(6/18/2008 10:01 AM):

I'm on transport company

***(6/18/2008 10:01 AM):

I started to say that I'm also sorry that we never had a chance to have some dinner sometime while I was

visiting

%%%(6/18/2008 10:02 AM):

I'm very glad to communicate with you now

***(6/18/2008 10:02 AM):

we had talked about doing that before.. but honestly speaking.. I always had this feeling guilt that would stop

me from trying to set that up

%%%(6/18/2008 10:02 AM):

that's OK ... to much work, very little time

%%%(6/18/2008 10:02 AM):

***(6/18/2008 10:02 AM):

transport company... is it like a travel agency

***(6/18/2008 10:03 AM):

that helps people to book tickets and make trips to different places

%%%(6/18/2008 10:04 AM):

transportation of goods

%%%(6/18/2008 10:05 AM):

Now from Europe to Ukraine

%%%(6/18/2008 10:06 AM):

by trucks

%%%(6/18/2008 10:07 AM) for English ...

***(6/18/2008 10:07 AM):

by the way.. yes there was a lot of work.. but it was not just the work that stopped me. I felt some guilt from

two sides: 1) that people at the company would not understand that it was an innocent dinner (they would think...hmmm... married man taking out a beautiful girl to dinner) and would think negative things about my wife ...thus the guilt feeling.. and 2) the fact that I did have some attraction towards you.. .so even though it was

innocent and our meaning was merely to communicate as we did find out that we have some things in

common during the company party.. even though that was the case I still felt some guilt about the idea

because I am attracted to you

***(6/18/2008 10:08 AM):

anyway... I was never 100% honest with you about those thoughts. I hid behind "too much work" which is an

easy reason to use

***(6/18/2008 10:10 AM):

so.. sorry about that. Because I do think that we really could have built a Great friendship if we had tried. I

still consider you to be a friend, Of Course, but it would have been very interesting to be able to really talk

and learn more about each other.

%%%(6/18/2008 10:12 AM):

I will write you later, I have to do my work now

***(6/18/2008 10:12 AM)

***(6/18/2008 10:12 AM):

no problem

%%%(6/18/2008 10:13 AM):

you did the best way for you and me )

***(6/18/2008 10:14 AM):

you can email me any time as well

***(6/18/2008 10:15 AM):

what is your email address... I will send you all my contact details

%%%(6/18/2008 10:16 AM):

***(6/18/2008 10:17 AM):

ok.. I will send an email this morning. I look forward to continuing our friendship. And the internet is a

wonderful thing!!! Because I can have a great friend even 1/2 the world away.

%%%(6/18/2008 10:19 AM): I'm very, very glad to receive message from you

***(6/18/2008 10:20 AM):

%%%(6/18/2008 10:20 AM):

How is your son? He's one year?

***(6/18/2008 10:20 AM):

On Friday

***(6/18/2008 10:20 AM):

ONE

***(6/18/2008 10:20 AM):

%%%(6/18/2008 10:21 AM):

Congratulation

***(6/18/2008 10:21 AM):

Thank You!!!

***(6/18/2008 10:21 AM):

I will send you some photos on email

%%%(6/18/2008 10:21 AM):

ok

***(6/18/2008 10:22 AM) you get back to work... and I will do the same I agree.. it is good to get

back in touch.

***(6/18/2008 10:22 AM):

have a Great evening

%%%(6/18/2008 10:22 AM) a great Day

***(6/18/2008 10:23 AM):

poka

%%%(6/18/2008 10:24 AM):

bye

***(8/11/2008 11:19 AM):

Hi How are you?

%%%(8/11/2008 11:19 AM):

Hi! I'm fine!

%%%(8/11/2008 11:20 AM):

and you?

***(8/11/2008 11:20 AM):

I'm good

***(8/11/2008 11:20 AM):

I just saw you pop up online and thought I would say hello real quick

***(8/11/2008 11:20 AM):

I just got back from a week of vacation at the beach

***(8/11/2008 11:21 AM) I'm sort of re-energized a little.... Life is good again.

%%%(8/11/2008 11:22 AM):

Oh! That's great!!! Where were you?

***(8/11/2008 11:22 AM):

We were on the Altantic shore in North Carolina. The beach is called Ocean Isle

***(8/11/2008 11:23 AM) was my son’s second attempt at putting his feet into the Ocean. He was not

a big fan of the ocean.

%%%(8/11/2008 11:24 AM):

He will be later, I think )

***(8/11/2008 11:25 AM):

yeah I'm sure he will

***(8/11/2008 11:25 AM):

actually my nephew who is 6 years old still doesn't go into the ocean

***(8/11/2008 11:26 AM):

anyway, it was a fun trip. There were 20 people ... basically all of my brothers and sisters and their families

and my dad were there

***(8/11/2008 11:34 AM):

So how have you been lately?

%%%(8/11/2008 11:36 AM):

sorry... I have a meeting in 5 minutes, I have yo go...

%%%(8/11/2008 11:36 AM):

to go

%%%(8/11/2008 11:36 AM):

I'll write you tomorrow

%%%(8/11/2008 11:36 AM):

bye

***(8/11/2008 11:40 AM):

ok

***(9/18/2008 9:16 AM):

Hi!

%%%(9/18/2008 9:16 AM):

Hi!!!

***(9/18/2008 9:16 AM):

How are you?

%%%(9/18/2008 9:16 AM):

How are you?

%%%(9/18/2008 9:16 AM):

***(9/18/2008 9:16 AM):

good question

***(9/18/2008 9:17 AM):

I'm fine

***(9/18/2008 9:17 AM):

I'm actually getting ready for a trip.

%%%(9/18/2008 9:17 AM):

together at the same time

***(9/18/2008 9:17 AM):

yeah

***(9/18/2008 9:17 AM):

%%%(9/18/2008 9:17 AM):

I'm fine too

***(9/18/2008 9:17 AM):

I was also sending you

***(9/18/2008 9:17 AM):

but you beat me to it

***(9/18/2008 9:17 AM):

%%%(9/18/2008 9:17 AM):

trip to here?

***(9/18/2008 9:18 AM):

yeah

***(9/18/2008 9:18 AM):

I fly out today and then back next Thursday

***(9/18/2008 9:18 AM):

it's been a while since I have been there... I think since January

***(9/18/2008 9:18 AM):

how is the weather there now?

 

(Weather talk)

 

***(9/18/2008 9:18 AM):

right now I'm up with my son... My wife is sleeping .

***(9/18/2008 9:22 AM):

so if I disappear it is because he did somethign and needs me. Right now he is playing with his little car

***(9/18/2008 9:22 AM):

hitting the horn and playing songs

%%%(9/18/2008 9:22 AM):

***(9/18/2008 9:25 AM) the way..... before he calls for me here... would you like to get together

this weekend? I know it is late notice and it might not be possible. But I always told you that we should get

together during one of my trips but never ended up offering.

***(9/18/2008 9:25 AM):

yeah.. I remember

***(9/18/2008 9:25 AM):

actually most times I have been there the weather was very nice

%%%(9/18/2008 9:25 AM):

the forecast is the winter will be cold this year and very early became cold

***(9/18/2008 9:28 AM):

hmm.. I wonder why

***(9/18/2008 9:29 AM):

do they explain why they think this?

%%%(9/18/2008 9:29 AM):

Because you didn't visit our city for a long time

%%%(9/18/2008 9:29 AM):

%%%(9/18/2008 9:29 AM):

have not visit

%%%(9/18/2008 9:30 AM):

this is better?

***(9/18/2008 9:31 AM):

***(9/18/2008 9:31 AM):

***(9/18/2008 9:31 AM):

uh oh.. he is starting to complain

***(9/18/2008 9:32 AM):

he is so cute and fun.. I can't believe I will be away from him for a week.

***(9/18/2008 9:33 AM):

ok... I need to run. Let me know what you think about meeting up for a coffee or dinner or whatever. You

can send me an email at …I will be back online in a minute

***(9/18/2008 9:33 AM) need to take care of my boy.

***(9/18/2008 9:33 AM):

be back later

%%%(9/18/2008 9:34 AM):

I'm not sure about the meeting because I have a lot to do this weekend... We are building a house and there are a lot of

question to solve

***(9/18/2008 9:35 AM) i understand. well maybe we'll figure out something during the trip.

Let's keep in touch while I'm there

***(9/18/2008 9:36 AM):

ok... be back later

***(9/18/2008 9:36 AM):

cya

%%%(9/18/2008 9:36 AM):

пока

%%%(9/18/2008 9:36 AM)

***(9/19/2008 10:10 AM):

Hello …

***(9/19/2008 10:11 AM):

I am now in the cold rainy city of …..

***(9/19/2008 10:11 AM):

%%%(9/19/2008 10:15 AM):

Hi …..! Welcome)))

***(9/19/2008 10:15 AM):

thanx

***(9/19/2008 10:16 AM):

believe it or not... but I forgot to bring my jacket.

 

 

(chat about the flight, weather)

 

 

***(9/19/2008 10:34 AM):

I need to run... just wanted to say HI and let you know I made it

***(9/19/2008 10:34 AM):

***(9/19/2008 10:35 AM):

I hope you have a great evening

%%%(9/19/2008 10:35 AM):

Have a good rest,

***(9/19/2008 10:35 AM):

thanx

%%%(9/22/2008 10:32 AM):

Hi …! How are you?

***(9/22/2008 10:32 AM):

Hey! I'm ok

***(9/22/2008 10:32 AM):

how are you?

***(9/22/2008 10:32 AM):

did you accomplish some results this weekend?

%%%(9/22/2008 10:34 AM):

I'm fine, I've just reterned from the meeting

***(9/22/2008 10:34 AM):

good.. have you finished work for today?

%%%(9/22/2008 10:37 AM):

no,

***(9/22/2008 10:38 AM):

me either

***(9/22/2008 10:38 AM):

well.. it's ok to wish for such thing

***(9/22/2008 10:39 AM):

I wish we could have met up this weekend. It was quite boring. I walked a bit and worked at the apartment...

nothing more

***(9/22/2008 10:39 AM):

well.. I went to some restaurant.. but that was probably the most exciting thing I did

%%%(9/22/2008 10:49 AM):

sorry... I couldn't meet...

***(9/22/2008 10:51 AM):

that's ok

%%%(9/22/2008 10:51 AM):

I told my husband that you are coming and we want to meet

***(9/22/2008 10:51 AM):

hmmm... I wonder if he enjoyed this idea.

%%%(9/22/2008 10:51 AM):

but he wasn't very glad

%%%(9/22/2008 10:51 AM):

***(9/22/2008 10:51 AM):

yeah.. I imagine so

***(9/22/2008 10:51 AM):

%%%(9/22/2008 10:52 AM):

as everebody in this situation

***(9/22/2008 10:54 AM):

yeah

***(9/22/2008 10:54 AM):

I understand him completely

%%%(9/22/2008 10:54 AM):

but I don't want to trick him

***(9/22/2008 10:54 AM):

although sometimes I wish it was easier in such cases

***(9/22/2008 10:55 AM):

sometimes my wife and I speak about such things too. whether we should be allowed to meet people.. and

typically the answer is yes... but a strange kind of yes.

***(9/22/2008 10:55 AM):

***(9/22/2008 10:55 AM):

for example.. she would say.. yes go ahead and meet.. no problem.

***(9/22/2008 10:55 AM):

but then afterward would be angry for a week or two

***(9/22/2008 10:55 AM):

***(9/22/2008 10:55 AM):

which I consider to be a little unfair, but I understand it at the same tiem

%%%(9/22/2008 11:01 AM):

may be... I understand that, but it depends on person he meet

***(9/22/2008 11:02 AM):

yeah.. that's true too

***(9/22/2008 11:02 AM):

I think we are going to get out of here soon. maybe next time we can have some chance.

***(9/22/2008 11:03 AM):

it's good to know that at least you are out there and doing well.

%%%(9/22/2008 11:04 AM):

this is difficult question for both..

%%%(9/22/2008 11:04 AM):

***(9/22/2008 11:05 AM):

yeah I understand... but who knows... maybe someday we will be able to

%%%(9/22/2008 11:06 AM):

diffucult question for married couple

%%%(9/22/2008 11:06 AM):

%%%(9/22/2008 11:06 AM):

I try to be honest because this way I feel my self good

***(9/22/2008 11:06 AM):

yeah.. I understand. Like I said though.. My wife will definitely say it is ok...

***(9/22/2008 11:07 AM):

I just then have to decide if I want to deal with the results of that.

%%%(9/22/2008 11:07 AM):

***(9/22/2008 11:08 AM):

ok.. we are leaving

***(9/22/2008 11:08 AM):

Poka

***(9/22/2008 11:08 AM):

have a good night

***(9/22/2008 11:08 AM)

%%%(9/22/2008 11:08 AM):

bye have a good time this evening

%%%(9/22/2008 11:08 AM):

%%%(9/23/2008 2:40 AM):

Good morning

***(9/23/2008 2:40 AM):

Hi

***(9/23/2008 2:40 AM):

How are you?

***(9/23/2008 2:40 AM):

***(9/23/2008 2:40 AM):

that was a pleasant surprise.. I figured it was someone about work

%%%(9/23/2008 2:40 AM):

You are working so early)

***(9/23/2008 2:41 AM):

yeah sure

***(9/23/2008 2:41 AM):

%%%(9/23/2008 2:41 AM):

surprise!

%%%(9/23/2008 2:41 AM):

%%%(9/23/2008 2:42 AM):

have you get accustomed to the change of the time?

***(9/23/2008 2:43 AM):

yeah

***(9/23/2008 2:43 AM):

last night was my first normal night of sleep

***(9/23/2008 2:44 AM):

two nights ago was terrible

***(9/23/2008 2:44 AM):

I got maybe 2.5 hours maximum

***(2/12/2009 11:27 AM):

Hey Beautiful!

***(2/12/2009 11:27 AM):

I know.. that was inapropriate. I just was trying to embarras you a little

***(2/12/2009 11:27 AM) (I can't spell)

%%%(2/12/2009 11:29 AM):

HI …!!!!!

***(2/12/2009 11:29 AM):

How are you?!

%%%(2/12/2009 11:30 AM):

I think I forgot English...) How are you?

***(2/12/2009 11:31 AM):

I'm doing well.

I guess we need to chat more.. so you can get your english skills back

%%%(2/12/2009 11:32 AM):

That truth

***(4/23/2009 4:17 AM):

Hi ….. how are you?

%%%(4/23/2009 4:19 AM):

Hi … ! I'm fine... How are you?

%%%(4/23/2009 4:19 AM):

Are you in our city now?

***(4/23/2009 4:19 AM):

I'm good... Yes I am here

%%%(4/23/2009 4:19 AM):

***(4/23/2009 4:19 AM):

saw you online and thought I would say hi

***(4/23/2009 4:20 AM):

how is life treating you?

%%%(4/23/2009 4:20 AM):

I guess. It isn't usual time for you to be online)

***(4/23/2009 4:21 AM):

I will be in a meeting for a while. I try to contact with you later.

***(4/23/2009 4:22 AM):

it's good to hear from you.

%%%(4/23/2009 4:22 AM):

It's OK!

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I think his intentions are not good. He seems to be probing to see just what she will be okay with doing.

 

I wouldn't call this an emotional affair but he has expressed his attraction to her more than once to see if she would reply in kind.

 

This is very worrysome. I am at a loss as the best course of action for you to take though. This person is far away part of the time but what concerns me is your husbands poor choices altogether.

Perhaps you should google marriage builders or how to strenghten your marriage and read up a little.

What he is doing isn't right and he knows it. He is trying to justify it to himself and will try to justify it to you sooner or later.

 

Lost

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He seems to be very interested in her, testing the waters, so to speak, about getting more involved. But I don't know what you can do about it. He really seems to be after more than an innocent friendship, but is hesitant partly becos of feeling gulity becos of being married, and partly becos he doesnt know if she herself wants to go further. If he really doesn't want to get involved, he would not meet her. As he's trying to meet up with her, he's playing with fire. If he met up with her, he would be tempted to 'dally', if she was willing, I think. This isn't what you want to hear, but its what you suspect, I think. Its rotten for you to have to deal with this. The internet makes such things very easy these days. Someone else could advise you better as to what to do next. All the best

offplanet

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Thank you all so much for your posts. I am very grateful for this because I don't have any family close to me and I am very hurting right now and need some support. I thought it would never happen to me. I read forums about relationship problems. Now I am reading this thread and can't believe that it IS actually about me.

Generally, my husband is a kind of person who you would call "a nice guy" after talking to him. And I would never believe his is able to hurt me this way. I always thought he has strong family values and values me in his life. But I am realizing now that I am not the first one who thought the sky is blue over my head and then getting a devastating storm. I have been in denial for too long, I guess.

lostandhurt, I really start repeating your signature note - from a prayer. It is one of my favorite prayers and it is really appropriate in time of pain.

 

Thank you all again!

God Bless!

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Do the two of you have much couple time together? Like a regular date night when you can be together without the little one?

 

You have a young child, and that can take a big toll on a marriage. All the energy and time and emotion that goes into caring for a little one has to come from somewhere--and usually what suffers is marital intimacy and the time and energy you have for one another.

 

It may be that he's flirting with this women because it makes him feel manly and sexy when at home he feels like he's mostly Daddy and not husband/lover these days. Lots of people feel insecure about their sexual attractiveness after having a child. I don't know if that's what it is with your husband. But it is worth noting that while he's playing with fire in his interactions with this women, the "kindling" is half a world away. He may see this as a safe way to be flirty without threatening the marriage. It's disturbing that he made at least one attempt to meet her, though.

 

That does not make it acceptable. At all. I would be very upset too, in your situation.

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What Crazyabout dogs said.

 

He's opening up his mind to the notion of an affair. The distance between the two of them is his "buffer" as he tests the waters. My money's on this: next, he'll move on to someone local, once he's fully accepted the desire to have an affair.

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Sunflour, it is true that we don't have much time for each other nowadays. We also can't really have dates very often, because we don't have a nanny or a regular babysitter. We had a couple of "dates" over two years. Last year, however, we missed our anniversary, and my birthday, because he was travelling. This year he was talking to this female friend one day after my birthday. He used to travel quite a bit during my preganancy and a little bit less after our baby was born. He is a good father. When he has a chance he spends all his time with our child. It is interesting for him. As for our relationship, I was actually surprised to hear the other day that he doesn't know much about my preferences in literature, for example, though it is big part of my life. I don't think he knows who my favorite singers are or anything like that. I don't think we can talk much about anything nowadays but his work or daily routine discussions. I am also actually thinking we do not have many interests in common.

 

As for relationship with other women, I think I need to give more examples from the past. When he was approaching me, right before we started dating, with his icq messages and emails about his attraction for me, we had an instance in the night club where one of the girls in the group was desperately flirting with him, visibly scratching his back, etc. Only later when we were already dating for a month or smth like that, she told me that he asked for her phone number that night. At the same time he was 'acting' like a man in love with me that evening. And the situation described he sees as me being mean to him that evening and ignoring him or something like that. There were several more situations where I was confused about his motives but he always made me believe that it was nothing and I have nothing to worry. That he loves me and I am this special woman in his life. When we were actively dating at the very beginning I found out he has an e-mail exchange going on with his ex-girlfriend where they actually were remembering in details the day of their first night and generally were talking about their relationship. He told me that it was his way of saying good-bye in a diplomatic manner [but from what I knew they broke up before we stated dating].

Generally, in life he is a gentle man and an understanding husband, who helps me around the house when he has a chance to do that. And of course, plays and takes care of our son giving me a break a lot. But the intimacy of a relationship, I mean when you feel each other and it makes you feel happy to be together might be simply not there...actually...I guess. I have to add that I do have this creeping feeling of lonliness in my life. I really need to look at my life from outside. That's why any input will be very helpful and I will be grateful for it. Thank you very much for your attention to my situation.

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With all relationships comes work. They do not magically delicous stay great all by themselves. It seems you both are having feelings that need to be addressed.

Look into marriage building like I suggested. Get some information together before you talk to him. You will need to talk to him about this. When you bring up the problems you see in the marriage he may act like there is nothing wrong on his part. That is when you should explain you know about his friend and you do not want the marriage to get to the point where something happens that can't be repaired.

There are stages in all marriages and this is a very important one for you both. You both should treat it as such.

 

Candy, flowers and a couple date nights won't fix this. There needs more work than that.

 

Lost

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If I were you, and I know that I am not. I would want somebody to tell me to confront him in a calm and grounded manner telling him that he is looking for an affair and having an emotional affair. It is non-negotiable and he is not in a place to make excuses or give his side of the story. You have his side of the story and he has proven to you that he cannot be trusted.

 

If you want to try to make the marriage work then he needs to end ALL communication with the lady and if he refuses or flips then leave and don't come back until he takes responsibility. Do not accept "I didn't mean for it to happen" "I am unhappy" "I didn't actually cheat" or "I wasn't looking for something to happen" in any phrase or combination of phrases. If you stay before he takes responsibility and agrees to cut off communication with the other woman then you risk highly damaging emotional outbursts and reactions that could cause him to pull away from you more. Even worse, he could end up running into the arms of the other woman for sympathy which won't help.

 

Be strong and firm. Do not negotiate and do not feel guilty or fall for classic blame that cheaters will put on you when they get caught. As difficult as it is you must be calm and as he reacts to the stress of getting caught you must remain calm and unemotional. This is the key because any reactionary emotional outbursts on your part will defeat you and he will use them against you. When he sees you being strong and calm he will take you more seriously.

 

I would say to try counseling and working to save the marriage but this other lady needs to go. If you confront him and he doesn't cut off the communication you may want to send a message to this lady. If you were to do such a thing you must be careful not to blame her for his behavior but respectfully ask that she cease communication with your husband for the time being because he has been seeking an affair with her. I personally would even lightly veil a threat to go to their superiors if it doesn't stop. I'm not suggesting that's good advice but I know that I would be very tempted.

 

As I mentioned above, this is advice I would want to hear if I were in your situation but its all up to you.

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I spoke to my husband about it. He was saying that it was innocent. Nothing would have happened. She is just an interesting person to talk to. They have a lot in common. That he shouldn't have a problem to have female friends. He also said that he knew that I wouldn't approve of it but he didn't know that I will be that upset and would question our relationship. He deleted the person from his list and will never contact her again - as he said.

 

What I feel? Betrayed. It is not the fist instance that makes me question his attachment to me, but I really had enough. How can I trust him again?

I am the person who tries to talk if I see that something is wrong. I don't keep it inside. He usually has not much to say when we discuss things like that [or any other topic generally]. Once I asked him if it would be nice if he had a freedom to date even being married, he said it is too much work and plus he doesn't feel that much attraction to anyone to pursue such relationships outside of marriage. I also approached him not so long ago - maybe 6 months ago - about our lack of intimacy in a relationship and that we need to work on that. He said that we need to find some interest groups to join together. At the same time right afer those conversations he decided to continue his quest for closeness outside of a marriage [as I assume].

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As we get to know more details, it sounds like your marriage has been in trouble for a while after all. It's the most insidious kind of trouble, though, because it's slow and subtle. You two aren't close, you feel lonely, you seem to have little in common, you don't have date nights, you don't take part in activities together, he has a history of emotionally (at least) connecting with other women while with you, and there is very little intimacy. But it's hard to tackle it because he doesn't see anything wrong, he doesn't say he's interested in other women, he's good to your child; he's a nice guy. Nice guys can cheat.

 

If I were you, I would really listen to MissKnow because her basic advice, to calmly but firmly keep the subject in the open and to draw firm boundaries from the beginning, is crucial. As much as you can, try to nip this in the bottom. Let him know it's not ok to develop friendships with other women while married. Let him know that you two need to find a joint activity to participate in together. If you feel the need for it, even let him know that you would like therapy. Don't let it go just because he's resisting. He's going to try to get away with whatever you let him get away with.

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Ms Darcy, yes, you are right. Our marriage has had issues from the very beginning. Even now the initial reaction of mine was to write that you are wrong. It is easy to live in denial especially when from outside we look like this perfect couple. My husband needs a different level of intimacy. Actually, the more space to breath the better for him, I think.

Marriage council? I don't really believe in it. What does it really do? How can it change a person? I saw some statistics somewhere that actually it very often brings a couple to a divorce either way. I am really struggling here with myself, too. I need more time to think what is the right thing here to do. In a calm manner as you, guys, recommend.

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Marriage council? I don't really believe in it. What does it really do? How can it change a person? I saw some statistics somewhere that actually it very often brings a couple to a divorce either way.

 

I think that is because many times people wait until they are very close to divorce to use it as a last resort. It might help you guys learn to communicate with each other better, and maybe it would help to have the opinion of a third party who is not emotionally involved.

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How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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