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Update on my Limited Contact experience


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So as I've posted in the past, I made a decision after 2 or 3 months of NC to break NC in an attempt to establish the foundation of a friendship with my ex. I was criticized a bit, and I understood such criticism, but given the fact that I was best friends with my ex for nearly 5 years before dating I felt that my situation was unique.

 

So for the past 2 or 3 months we've been in regular, though limited contact. We would text or call every other week or so. It has NOT been easy. There was a fight a few weeks ago, and this weekend led to our biggest one when I figured out she was interested in someone new and wasn't prepared for the jealous sting. I thought I had been doing fine, but we all know it's 5 steps forward and a few steps back. I'm still dealing with the jealous, and I'm reconsidering the LC, but I think I'll stick with it. I told her I'd call her in 2 or 3 weeks when I'm ready, and that we wouldn't be talking online anymore. It was our first time instant messaging with each other since the break up, and it was just too impersonal to be understand the emotions involved, etc. and we were both reading into each others statements. I think we're both still pretty hurt by it all, and neither of us ready for another "relationship", but knowing she was at least interested in someone really hit me hard. I think it was more my ego than anything else though, because I don't think I want her back. And it's a bit hypocritical, since I've gone out on dates, messed around with other women, etc.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to share my story (I think because it helps my own thought process). I'm hoping this jealousy will go away. She's going to move on, and be interested in new people, and God forbid even date them, kiss them, sleep with them, maybe even marry then. I think acceptance of that is painfully difficult for everyone, whether it's NC or not. Honestly, I feel like the LC actually makes things easier in some ways; the pain and the hurt come in smaller portions, like individual hurdles, rather than all at once when you realize one day after months of NC that your ex has someone new and doesn't care about you anymore. We've both come close to throwing in the towel on this friendship thing, but we're determined to see it through.

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It`s hard mate me and ex did it for 2months or so up until last week, its very complex and awkward because you cant talk about the future like you used to.

I think our`s was very complex because as far as i could see there where feelings there on both sides and atraction. It got a bit confuseing as ex said a lot of things to confuse the issue (we also slept together a few times). She came out with a txt one night you looked good tonight i wish i was good enough for you.I replied you are , we left it at that. She also asked to but somewhere as friends but share a bed. Also said two weeks ago if you were to ask to marry me i might say yes.I tried to let it wash over me as she is scared of relationships.

Got into a deep phone chat one night when she said how down she was , and if not for her kids, she wouldnt mind if dead or alive, not nice to hear. I asked did she love trust fancy me? Yes to all of them, i said well put your trust in me and we will take it slow and start again, she freaked and now we dont speak, shame as we got on great and never argued, where we stand now who know`s, she says she just wants me to be happy, and she will never have a relationship with anyone.

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Honestly, I feel like the LC actually makes things easier in some ways;

 

I have to agree with this comment. My ex of a month and I have remained in LC since the breakup. I've been reading all over these forums about how NC is the way to go and the way to heal a broken heart. I even made a post about the contact and asking if he was just "tying up loose ends"? One of the commenters said that "he was getting as much relief from the contact as I was". I have thought a lot about that comment. I'm sure thats true, but the reverse is true also - its helping me ease the pain of the breakup - and if its helping him to move on - isn't it helping me too? Sure, maybe its mixed signals and maybe it'll slow up my progress, but little by little I'm becoming more used to him not being here at night time, or cooking him dinner, or saying goodbye to each other as we both head out to work. As long as I can stay strong, stay busy, think to myself "it is what it is", and not obsess over every word - than whats the harm in a few friendly texts or emails from time to time?

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not always easy is it...what do you think of the articles below given your actual experience to bounce off of them?...would love to hear your opinion (I'm not in your space yet...am undecided if I DO want to be in that space, to be honest...still healing and still too much 'stuff' going on inside).

 

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