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I have come to a point in my life where I feel very confused about what I want to do. I know that I want to buy a house, get married and have children at some point in the future. Me and my fiancee got engaged at the end of January this year, I am 25 and he is 22 (mature for his age). He's more a "live for the day" kind of person and I am someone who thinks more about the future. He is flexible and willing to discuss anything that I would like to do and support it if he can. He's a great guy and has helped me through so much, we love each other to bits. Been together for 2 years.


So here comes the confusion. I was thinking of doing a year in NYC, an internship. It would be just me going though and as much as I would love it, I don't think I can do a long distance relationship. It feels as if it would be too difficult. So we then talked about travelling for a year together. Which would be fun, although I am unsure if I am the backpacking type when I think about it! Pretty sure I could adjust, just not sure if it's for me because I have never done it.


We both have good jobs so there is the confusion of whether to leave our secure jobs. The one thing I don't like about mine is that our busiest time is during the music festival that I LOVE going to every year. I have missed it a couple of times and I just hate missing it. It involves taking a minimum of 2 days off but these are our busiest days of the year and sometimes I am not allowed it off. So I do think about perhaps changing my job to a place that allows holidays anytime of the year. I work in a school so have to take holidays during the school holidays (I get 6 weeks a year, so no I don't get all the school holidays).


I would love to travel and see lots of places. I wonder if we could do that and have a job as well, such as just going on really good holidays? Or if I should take the opportunity to travel while I have no mortgage and kids to worry about at the moment. Or if we should settle down in the next few years with a mortgage etc (kids when I am around 30) and just take holidays. Just not sure!


I guess this is more like a diary of my current confusing thoughts. I would love people's opinions and ideas on what we should do.


Since I started talking about travelling my fiance has got more into the idea. We are going to Florida for 2 weeks to do disneyland, that will be in 3 weeks time. Our first big holiday together. Can't wait We already live together so it should be fine. Very relaxed couple. He's not very forth coming with ideas on what to do, kinda goes with what I want. I don't want to sound like I force him or anything, I really don't! He just hasn't thought about doing this sort of thing before he met me. He wants to settle down in a few years time, well about 5 years.


This is all muddled so I will stop now lol.

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In this economy, I definitely wouldn't leave a good job that gives you 6 weeks of vacation a year without some very serious thought (or another job lined up). Consider that we're at almost a 10% unemployment rate now, and in most jobs you're lucky to get 2 weeks of vacation when you're new.


I certainly wouldn't quit a job just because it makes you miss a particular music festival. Couldn't you explore other music festivals to find one you might like almost as well, that happens at a better time of year? There are countless music festivals around the country, and you've already said you love to travel.


As for the backpacking, it might be wise to try a backpacking weekend or week's vacation before you make any decision about doing it for a year! Also, can both of you really afford (financially and in career terms) to just bum around for a year?


Re: the question of both working and traveling, if you aren't working how do you finance the travel?? If you get 6 weeks of vacation and watch your budget carefully, you could have a couple of 2-week vacations each year, plus a whole bunch of long-weekend getaways to closer destinations. There are also special last-minute weekend travel deals that you can take advantage of if you're willing to travel at the drop of a hat. (A Paris weekend in the off-season, for example.)


A house/mortgage is something to think about later, when you've saved 10-20% for a down payment. For now, you're young & unencumbered, why not enjoy it?

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Thanks so much for your post Sunflour, it was really helpful and has made me think over things more carefully. I have thought about the music festival and there are 3 others which happen in August which I would definitely be able to go to because it is the school holidays. I am into metal so there aren't loads of festivals catered to my music taste but there are definitely some. I have a really great boss and if she can give me those 2 days off she does and she did that this year for me. I do feel that I work with nice people, have an easy job which is quite well paid and I actually get 7 weeks holiday a year because we get an extra week at christmas time. One week is taken out of our allowance and one is given to us. We don't get many bank holidays, only a few a year but yeah the holiday allowance is pretty good. And I get free lunch My fiance doesn't get the holidays that I do, he gets 4 weeks. Still not bad though, and he has a promotion coming up.


We have £15,000 from our families which is being kept for our house deposit so we are very lucky. That is definitely being kept for a house though. I would love to use it to travel... but I think it would be wiser to use it for a deposit. We are not bad at saving so we would be able to finance travel for a year I think, if we wanted to do it. But thinking that just having great holidays each year could be enough. We like our spa weekends as well, which we do when we have the spare money.


I have been looking at voluntary work with animals abroad, there are 3 week programmes which I would love to do. Should be able to fit that in and still keep my job though.


I just don't want to wake up in 10 years time and wished I had travelled when I had the chance. Hopefully I will see that I still have a great life and did enough with it.

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As seen here, life is not something to (overly) plan, it is for appreciation, moment to moment. Being married, having kids, getting a house, having a good job, are fine in their own time, but you are always *here* *now* - and time does not change this. You are always here, now. Appreciate this fully, be here, now. Being here now is not at all confusing.


If I appreciate this, here, now, I am always in an appreciative spot and there are no troubles. If I am appreciative here, now, I find that the future, if there is one for me is just as appreciated as here, now.


In and with appreciation,

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