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Friendship fighting: I'm Sad, Confused, and Angry... please help.


zellyx

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My friend and I are now in a fight. She's more low maintenance, introverted and mainly indifferent to others, and I'm extroverted and high maintenance. I was the victim of attempted rape at my school two years ago, and I have a phobia of men, for the most part. I love her as more than a friend but not like a crush. I get jealous when she tells me someone is hot. I am NOT attracted to her. She's moving in two weeks, but within twice a year driving distance. Last night I saw HBP and it's the last time I can go to the movies with her. I've never sat next to her (we've been to about 6 movies), and I wanted to and she refused and has ALWAYS sat next to her 'steady', my friend Riley. I've always told her it hurts me, and she apologizes, but never does anything. Yesterday she decided to sit next to her and she told me she was sorry. I cried last night because I was so fed up and frustrated with her. This has gone on for about a year.

 

Here's our messages:

Me: D Okay... wellll.. I know I've said it like 10,000 times. P: This is the last time I'll have the luxury of ranting. x_x But I'll cut it short. P: Remember HBP? I'm sick of being Hermione, and sick of dealing with ignorant Ron. D: It kind of matters to me that when I ask to sit next to you for the first time; the last time I'll get to see a movie with you, you said "oh I'm sorry, but I want to sit next to Riley." You know how much it means to me.. HBP just with the whole Hermione/Harry thing enhanced my anger, right after I was done being angry. x_x I don't wanna drag this out, but I'm really tired of being either mad, sad, or angry almost every time after I see you. I'd like to hang out at least one more time before you move w/o dealing with all that.

 

Her: Well maybe I'm sick and tired of you! Maybe now I just want to avoid you because of your tantrums that you throw just because I won't sit next to you! And you know what else I'm tired of? You and your sister making references to love relationships with me. Hermione and Ron? That sure makes me feel comfortable when you're around me. And every time we get together you have a little tantrum about something that I do. I'm not going to alter my personality for one person. I spend more time with you than I do any of my other friends. All year and now that I've known you, I've said one thing and you send me a whole letter filled with what I did wrong. What do you want me to do? Tell me straight, I don't want any excuses or sugar or smileys to lessen it.

 

Me: That's all I wanted you to know. That's why I'm always bringing up the jealousy & how it annoys me. I mean, you haven't had anything traumatic happen to you that I know of. I've had friends who have, and I'd at least alter the conversation to help them. I'm not saying you have to, but if it was you, I would. One of my friends' dad is about to die. So I don't talk about my family, simple. And I'm tired of you saying that it's my responsibility to include myself. Because it's both of ours. I try, that's why I'm always bothering you. And about the Hermione and Ron thing, I don't mean it like that. But when I was watching the movie, the emotions she was going through were the same with what I was feeling that very moment. That's why I used it as an example instead of re-explaining my entire story.

 

Me: Well, I know I've put you in an uncomfortable position. I won't attack you anymore. The truth hurts. I'm sorry if I've hurt you, and in the process I've hurt myself. I never think before I speak, or type or what have you. I'm an extrovert and I always speak my mind, no matter how serious it is. I'm sorry for doing anything that hurt your feelings. We only have a week, and I wanted to talk about all this garbage so I can just let it all out, and never be bothered by anything you do.

 

 

She hasn't responded yet, but I'm really scared and anxious. I'm not sure what to do to mend this. Please, I need all the help I can get. I logged out of the website, and let her know that I was going to give her some space.

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You need to give her space. It sounds like she doesn't like the way you treat her. It sounds like you are asking too much from her and from your relationship. I know it sucks when you want someone in your life more then they want you in there’s but if you want to keep this friendship you need to start listening to her. If you really feel walked over and not cared for then you shouldn't try and keep the friendship.

 

I would also look inside yourself and make sure your being honest with yourself about your attraction to her. It sounds like she thinks you could be into her and just the fact that you needed to bring up how you are not sexually into her seems to me like it might be an underlining factor to your relationship.

 

When I was younger I had friends who didn't like me as much as I liked them. I wanted so badly for them to want to be around me and be my friend but I felt constantly rejected by them it killed my self-esteem and really screwed up my ideas about friendship it took years before I understood what a healthy friendship could look like. You need to ask yourself if this feels like a healthy relationship to you.

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