Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I had another run in this week with the ex. I wish I could understand why she hates me so much, that she will not even talk to me. She still hasn't come to get the rest of her things from my house. This Friday will be thirteen weeks since she has moved out. I never wanted this. I just wanted her to get her act together. I couldn't watch her doing what she was doing to herself. She is in a deep depression/ alcoholism cycle. I can't stand her having so much anger towards me, it's killing me. I wish I could make her understand that I did what I did and said because I love her. This morning I went on her web-page. She took down all of the photos of us last night. I knew it was coming but, it was a kick in the gut. If I had cheated on her I would understand. I never did anything but love and provide for her. I feel as if she is unhappy with her situation and she blames it all on me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your theory is correct. She knows she caused the break up and she can't deal. Is she getting help?

 

Honestly, there is no way to know that is how she feels or why she is acting the way she is.

 

I moved out from living with my ex, and 2 weeks later she slammed the door shut. She will have no contact from me. Very similiar situation. I have no idea why she feels that way either. To a point, I think you are right, she too refuses to deal. BUT we just dont know that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Honestly, there is no way to know that is how she feels or why she is acting the way she is.

 

I moved out from living with my ex, and 2 weeks later she slammed the door shut. She will have no contact from me. Very similiar situation. I have no idea why she feels that way either. To a point, I think you are right, she too refuses to deal. BUT we just dont know that.

 

I will correct myself 'In my opinion your theory is correct' Your right I dont know for sure as I am not her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

BlueAfterglow No she isn't. She doesn't have a problem. I do, according to her. She doesn't think staying up until 4/5 am in the morning and drinking almost a twelve pack, then sleeping all day is a problem. She did point out the one night, when I went out to celebrate a friends promotion at work, that I came home a little drunk and went right to bed. I replied one time in a year and that I had to get up and go to work the following morning. She also told me I sound like her father. To which I replied "Doesn't that tell you something, when you hear the same thing from two people who really love you. That doesn't send up an alarm?" I guess I was just being mean to her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

BlueAfterglow No she isn't. She doesn't have a problem. I do, according to her. She doesn't think staying up until 4/5 am in the morning and drinking almost a twelve pack, then sleeping all day is a problem. She did point out the one night, when I went out to celebrate a friends promotion at work, that I came home a little drunk and went right to bed. I replied one time in a year and that I had to get up and go to work the following morning. She also told me I sound like her father. To which I replied "Doesn't that tell you something, when you hear the same thing from two people who really love you. That doesn't send up an alarm?" I guess I was just being mean to her.

 

Can you provide a little more detail into the background Ages would be a good start. It will help us all to provide a little more insight. Unless you have a thread somewhere else with the details.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am 41. She is 47.

 

Wow. by her behaviour I was expecting early 20s. She does not seem like a healthy individual, and as hard as it is to hear, you may be better off. I know you love her and feel the need to rescue her, but she doesnt seem to want to be rescued.

 

By continuing to pursue her, you are effectively doing this --> ](*,)

 

I know it sucks not to have closure, but you cant force it. Im guessing once you are gone for a while she will look for you. As somepoint we all need to accept that the relationship is over and they are no longer our responsibility.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She really took a slide a year and a half ago. When an ex-friend of hers caused problems that destroyed our lives as we knew it. It's been a long battle. Everyone tells me the same thing that I am better off without her. It doesn't make it hurt any less. I guess it has to do with that I know and love the real her. I just wish could I get her to dig inside and find that person again. Maybe my problem is I repair things for a living and feel the need to repair this. People who have been where she is tell me until she wants to fix it there is nothing I can do about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

regular joe,

 

I spent 8 years in a horrific marriage to a woman just like yours there. Believe me when I say this- it's NOT worth it to trry to continue with someone that will not do what it takes to get the help they need. One of the most common problems with a person with addictions is that they will ALWAYS have anger and blame for anyone else but themselves, and usually that anger is directed to the person closest to them.

 

I gave and gave and gave to my marriage with her, and I all I got was more and more heartache and less and less respect. THEY have to want it. If they don't, all you are doing is killing yourself. I finally had to end the marriage because it only got worse until the point where my life became at risk. I know you love her. I did too, very much. But this will never work out until SHE decides she has to get the help she needs.

 

Feel free to PM me. I have alot of insight on this type of relationship after spending 11 years with her (8 as a married couple).

 

David

 

PS I'm 45 years old so right in your age range/

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your not the first person to tell me that Tigerfan. I'm like you I guess, not the the type of person who can just turn their back on some they love and who needs help. It's hard to watch her destroying herself and being unable to do nothing. Unfortunately her family and so called friends just sit there on the sidelines and do nothing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your not the first person to tell me that Tigerfan. I'm like you I guess, not the the type of person who can just turn their back on some they love and who needs help. It's hard to watch her destroying herself and being unable to do nothing. Unfortunately her family and so called friends just sit there on the sidelines and do nothing.

 

Yeah, her family and friends are enablers. I was an enabler as well for the longest time. Sometimes, it just gets to the point where you have to pull the rug out from under them BECAUSE you love them! "Being there for them" while they continue to use is only enabling the behavior to continue. It is very, very difficult I know. Believe me, I know.

 

DAvid

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I guess I keep hoping that what we had, her son, and myself will somehow mean more than that next drink. It doesn't though. She was getting mad that I wouldn't go to liquor store for her anymore. All our fights revolved around her drinking and the fact she kept almost third shift hours. I had to change the locks on the door a couple of weeks ago, when the old door knob was getting hard to operate. She hasn't even been there in five weeks. Her last time there she left me a note that was real angry. I had called her Aunt's house and left a message, seeing if we could sit down and talk. She is living in the in law apartment there. I don't have another number to reach her at, seeing she left her cell that was on my plan. She wrote "DO NOT CALL MY AUNT'S HOUSE. (it was also underlined) I just want my stuff. If I have to I will get the authorities involved." She hasn't worked in over two years, so finding the time to come get her stuff is not the issue. I saw her on July 3rd, at of all places, the liquor store parking lot and asked her when she was going to talk to me. She told me " to get away from her"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know calling all angels. I just wish I could guide her there. I begged and pleaded with her until I was blue in the face.

 

 

Your whole story is mine made over. The more I begged the more she drank. And of course, it's all your fault! (According to her). Mine chose the booze over her daughter and me too, and was always hateful as well, telling me what I was and was NOT going to do (like DONT CALL MY AUNT). Screw that. I am a year and half divorced now, and the thought of going back to that is ridiculous. She is doing alot better now; only because she has to fend for herself now and not live off me and the safety net I provided while she boozed away. Sad.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A lot of it comes from the selfishness she now displays and she wasn't like that before. It is now about her and only her. She acts as if it was me who broke her heart. I tried to explain how much I loved her and couldn't sit by and watch anymore. She acted as if I was just being verbally abusive to her. I have to agree with you Tigerfan, it became her way or no way. The more I tried to get through, it seemed the more she resisted me. She moved from my safety net to that of her Aunt's. It's definitely not as good a life, but she has a new group of enablers. So I guess that makes her happy. I'm sure she is getting money from dad. As far as I know she still isn't working.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ive tried to fix girls who needed help before. Im the one who got hurt at the end of it. People have to want to fix themselves. Wlak away for good. Maybe she will realize what her drinking has taken from her. Probably she wont. BUT you cant go on trying to rescue her. This is codependancy. She has an issue, you feel you can fix it. You cant. Only she can.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...