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Why do guys do this? (Need a guy's perspective.. preferably)


chelsea13

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The story is actually from this thread

But to sum it up, here's the thing:

Met a guy at a party, he seemed really interested, asked for my number, and then he texted me two days later asking me what's up. Then the week after, I texted him and he said that we should hang out after work sometimes. The day later he said he can come down to have lunch with me or hang out with me if I want to, I said 'I'm free next week apart from Monday and Thursday'. Then he texted that 'yes we will definitely hang out', so i replied 'well you can text me about it then'.

 

So I thought I got it all sorted, he wanted to hang out with me, meaning he's obviously attracted to me (cos he flirted a bit and said I'm cute).

 

But oh my god, he never called. Guys, why do you do this?? Can you be really interested in a girl and initiate hanging out but end up not calling?

 

I know that I should never take his 'date' seriousl cos he never set up a specific time and place. But the thing is, I'm so caught up on this. I can't stop thinking about him for these two weeks. I am definitely not going to text him back.. I just want to know, why?

 

I have never been in love or in a serious relationship before. Therefore... I need advice... why why why?

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I do that sometimes. Maybe he got cold feet and was scared. Why don't you call him? I like when girls call me to hang out or chase me in general. Lately I've been letting the girl make the move but maybe I'm just lazy.

 

But would you get scared if the girl was CLEARLY interested as well?

 

Oh I really don't want to call him.. I was the last one to send him the message so I don't want to come accross like some desperate person.

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just stick with the plan and wait for him to suggest a specific time or date. maybe hes waiting for another plan (date or not) to be confirmed before setting it.

 

he COULD be scared of rejection but i dont think that is likely if he already had the guts to ask for your number.

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But would you get scared if the girl was CLEARLY interested as well?

 

Oh I really don't want to call him.. I was the last one to send him the message so I don't want to come accross like some desperate person.

 

you'd be surprised how scared some guys can be despite clear signals

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just stick with the plan and wait for him to suggest a specific time or date. maybe hes waiting for another plan (date or not) to be confirmed before setting it.

 

he COULD be scared of rejection but i dont think that is likely if he already had the guts to ask for your number.

 

I don't think he will ever ask me out because it's been two weeks since our last conversation. And I don't think he's scared if he had to guts to say 'well i can come down for lunch or hang out with you after work'... hmmmm

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How come you didnt text him on Tues or Wed and suggest getting together on Thursday? If he hadnt contacted you by or on Monday, why not call him?

 

Cos in my last text to him, I said 'ok you text me about hanging out then' so I'd expected him to...

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Well you can torture yourself needlessly worrying about this one guy, but look at the bright side, you have men approaching you, showing interest, etc. Who cares what this one does? Chin up and move forward to new opportunities, try not to waste time worrying about this guy's missed chance with you. His loss.

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Hm, I'm not sure why. I know I did that once to a girl when I was fairly young, because I got scared. Actually, my friend just did this recently and I'll tell you the story:

 

We go to this bar all the time and this one bartender clearly had a thing for my friend. She would always give him free drinks and constantly want to talk to him the whole time he was there. She was very pretty and I kept telling my friend to get her number, because she was clearly interested. He seemed oblivious, but after some probing from me, he asked for her number. Now, he was super excited about it and really liked her, so was sort of on a "high" the rest of the night after he got her number.

 

A week later, I asked him if he called. Nope. Why not? Well, apparently one of his friends that knows her (kind of) talked to him and said something like she is really high maintenance, and so he changed his mind about calling her. Both of us being relatively poor college students, he got scared about it and didn't call; now it is going to be super awkward when we go to that bar.

 

I agree with the other posts here, you don't really have anything to lose trying to call (or text) him about it. You might want to suggest a specific day, say something like, "I am free Thursday after 7 if you want to do something. Good luck.

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you'd be surprised how scared some guys can be despite clear signals

 

This is SO true! It’s actually a HUGE turn on when the girl asks me out. I think it’s because it removes the guesswork. We guys tend to spend a lot of time trying to tell whether or not a girl really likes us or is just being polite.

 

For example, I flirt with a girl and she flirts back. Probably a good sign but by no means does it mean she’s into me. Worse yet I flirt with her a little and she just kind of sits there and smiles. What does that even mean?

 

I have no idea if she likes me flirting or if she’s too polite to show that she’s uncomfortable and wants me to stop. Another example would be me telling a girl she’s pretty and she tells me I’m cute.

 

Is she saying it simply out of a sense of obligation to return my compliment or does she really think I’m cute? Does she think this is just banter or does she realize I’ve got the hots for her?

 

Ultimately I get all the right signals from a girl, I finally decide to make a move and ask her out, she accepts my invitation, and then she ends up standing me up! Yes, it does happen.

 

So it’s no wonder some guys get cold feet easily and quit before they really try. So see, we guys wonder about you girls as well. Until she kisses you, not to be confused with letting you kiss her by the way, freely initiates things with you, asks you out or openly expresses how she feels do you really begin to see that she really likes you.

 

Everything that happens before she does that just drives you crazy trying to figure out if she means it or not. I think that’s why it’s just so dam sexy when a woman asks me out because then I’m no longer guessing about her feelings towards me, assuming she has made it clear it’s a date and not just to hang out as friends.

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Maybe when he said that we should hang out after work that day, and by me saying that we will hang out next week instead (even though I did tell him which days i was free and he still doesnt get it??) made him think that I wasn't that interested... a bit weird to be honest. But yea I guess he got cold feet. I think I will see him in two month's time when uni starts, so by then I wil probably get to know him better.

 

About the girl asking the guy out bit, I don't know but I can never bring myself into doing it. I don't know whether it's because I'm traditional when it comes to dating or what, but I really think that the guy should make the move, given the obvious signals from the female side.

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Phrases like "yea we need to hang out" does not mean that you are actually going to hang out. He is really expressing his desire to hang out but with that statement he is saying that he really isnt in a rush to do so. He is just using delay tactics, he may be involved with another girl or may be just stringing you along.

 

Considering that you didnt get any definitive time and place when you were hanging out you cannot take the statement to mean that you were actually going to hang out that week.

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