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2 things that kill my confidence.


Symbolic

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As a woman, how would these things affect how you interact with me.

 

1. In any social situation, where I actually speak to another human being I smile. I can be mad, sad, happy, jealous, what the hell ever. If I'm talking to another person I WILL smile, and it is UNCONTROLLABLE. Well, I can force it down for a second or two but I can't for long.

 

I know you will say "smiling is always good!" no, not when its ALL THE TIME. (when speaking to a person) Its not as good as you would think.

 

2. I blink alot. I can't hold my eyes open for more than a few seconds without them burning like someone is poking them with lit matches. I can control the blinking, and when I talk to a girl I just met or someone I'm trying to hit on, I can put my mind to it and stop the blinking. But the instant

i'm not totally focused on not blinking, my eyelids probably go all out again.

 

What do you think about these things? I know there are people with worse problems I'm sure, but these things really bother me. For the women, would these things turn you off to me?

 

They kill my confidence because I'm afraid women will think I'm insane or weird.

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It can be very confusing to the other person if you are smiling when you are mad, sad, or jealous. They'll get mixed messages.

 

My husband is similar. He has a natural smile and when his face is relaxed he even has a slight smile. He has a wide smile when happy. But over the years I realized he has a wide smile when he was extremely upset and anxious, too. It's very confusing, because I would assume he was over the incident and viewing it with humor, and respond accordingly. Then he would do something unexpected that would surprise and confuse me and reflect a turmoil and frustration I hadn't anticipated. It is not possible for me to smile when I am mad or very upset, or if I do, it looks forced and my eyes show my true feelings. I don't know how you do it! When he was angry, he definitely had an angry look (no smile), so he doesn't smile for all situations.

 

I don't know if it is anything you can change. Are you a very private person?

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Smiling is overrated. Of course, smile when you are genuinely happy about something, but don't think that smiling is naturally more attractive for everyone. It really depends on the person and the smile. If you think your smile is unattractive, work on communicating a pleasant intelligent disposition without smiling.

 

As to the blinking, get some high quality eye drops and stay as hydrated as possible. Stay out of smoky environments, wear sunglasses outdoors in daylight.

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I don't think I smile enough; I have to consciously think to smile while talking to people. Smiling makes people feel more comfortable with you, like you are happy to see them or to be talking with them. I cannot image how it would be a bad thing, unless you had a hideous smile. I think my natural facial features put some people off sometimes, they are far to stoic, and often I have had people thinking I didn't like speaking with them when I really did.

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I think i see what you mean when you talk about the smiling part. I've noticed that it can be a nervous habit.

While smiling always seems better than frowning or scowling, i understand why you would not want to do it as often - especially in moments where you're not actually in a mood for smiling.

I kind of had the opposite problem; i would sometimes look like i was sad or angry when i was just in deep thought. I've had to train myself to have a more neutral expression lol. I imagine that you could kind of try to do this same thing, but the other way around. You don't neccesarily have to frown when you're angry or sad, but maybe work on having a more neutral look.

 

I agree that in the end, smiling often is not a bad thing, but i understand how smiling all the time could confuse others, and also make you feel like you're not really being yourself at times.

I get the impression that it's a anxious/nervous habit, but this would just be my guess.

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I know a guy who blinks a lot, but somehow he diverts the attention away by being really loud, outgoing, and generally very animated. People noticed it, but nobody really cares if its not your dominant feature.

 

If that doesn't work for you, you can just bring it up to whomever your speaking too, and just make a laugh out of it. Something like "yeah, you've probably noticed that i'm blinking a lot, its because i get really dry eyes from being nervous around good looking gals like you ha ha ha..." or something cheezy

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While I can see how smiling might be a problem for you in situations in which you do not want to appear happy, smiling a lot when talking to a girl would definitely not be a turn off. I really like when a guy I'm flirting with is smiling. It makes me feel like he likes me! And if you do, then that's great if she thinks so! As far as the blinking thing goes, I really don't think I would notice. But if I did it would not be a turn off. I'm sure there have been girls you've met who have found your self-esteem reducing habits really cute and attractive. You really shouldn't let these things hold you back because it sounds like you think they are a much bigger problem than they actually are.

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I've heard that blinking is linked to what your brain is doing. That is, if you're nervous, you'll automatically blink alot because your mind is all over the place. There's a good chance that two people reading the same article in a newspaper will blink around the same words as their brains process things at the same time.

 

Walter Murch wrote about it. He wrote a book called "In the Blink of an Eye", it's about movie editing and why he feels it works - because it's similar to blinking.

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