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Is he interested, or was it a brush off?


not again

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Hi guys.. Am recently back in the single game and would like some advice on a recent date.

 

I met a guy online 2 weeks ago and we met up last night for a drink. We got on really well. Lots of talking and laughing and jokes. We seemed to get on really well. I mentioned a new bar i would like to try out and he said he would really like to go too and that the 2 of us should go together. As the evening progressed he mentioned going out for dinner too.

 

As the date ended, he walked me to my car we both agreeded we wanted to catch up again. He said he would also e-mail me the next day (today) with some funny youtube clips. We said our goodbyes a peck on the lips only - no heavy stuff and went our separate ways.

 

I sent him a msg this morning saying i hope he got home ok, that i had a great time last night and hopefully we could do it again soon. 4 hours later he replies with he had a great time too and he finally got home after what felt like forever. That was it, no mention of catching up again and also no e-mail like he said he would send.

 

Now, am i reading into this too much as i am thinking that was kind of a brush off. We mentioned numerous times on the date that we would catch up again and do this and do that. (dinner, bar etc). Would he really say those things and not mean them? Or am i overreacting?

 

What should i do? Shall i leave it up to him to make the next move? Should i text and ask him out to the bar? I said in my text i hope we catch up again soon. What is everyones opinion?

 

Thanks for your time.

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Blue,

 

Hopefully he is not playing a power trip....as sometimes guys do when they think the girl needs them more then they need the girl. In your situation, I would simply wait a week, then send a funny card to him as a matter of "just thought you might think this was cute"...say nothing heavy and back the relationship up to more like first friends before date. His response should help you decide if more time should be spendt with this relationship or move on....I never like telling someone I will do something, then acting more cold later.....good luck and I am here if you have more thoughts to bounce!

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It might have been better to wait for him to make the next contact after your date. It might have scared him off, you seeming a bit eager. Some guys are sensitive to things like that. Definitely wait for him to contact you next. If he doesn't, you should not either, but just leave it. However, if he was that sensitive about you seeming eager, he probably wouldn't have been a good match for you.

offplanet

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Thats the thing, i have been out of the dating scene for a long time so i dont know how to spot a "player".. It has been a long time and i just dont understand why guys would act full on and be mentioning more dates on the first date and then nothing.. Why all the games?

 

In my books, its a polite thing to msg someone after a date to say thanks and that i had a good time..

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That is so weird. If I like a girl on a first date, I consciously mention things we could do in the future, like you and he did. I would never say it if I wasn't actually interested... Wish I could have helped. Sorry. Although, a girl actually did the same thing to me and then blew me off, so, I'm just as confused as you are.

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I don't think you should assume he is a player. He probably meant it at the time he said it and then for whatever reason changed his mind (likely nothing personal to do with you). When I had those first meets through on line dating (or really any kind of first date or first time I met someone) unless we had time and place plans for the next date I assumed there would not be a second date until that happened, even if he made comments about seeing a particular movie or going to a particular place -- until the deal was closed - time and place -- it meant nothing.

 

Not that I assumed he was lying but I was realistic that if a man really wanted a date with me he would make a specific plan in advance because he wouldn't want to risk me making other plans, especially not with another guy.

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The message to thank him is not an issue if he's into her anyway! It's hard to tell so early on whether he will be in contact again.. but my experience is that when it's gone well, they will text me a few hours after to say they had a good time and that they want to see me again... But then again men, like us, are all different and have different ways of doing things (and also some have those stupid rules in their minds).

 

Just let it be now and see whether he gets in contact. You showed him you're interest, that's all you can do! If he doesn't reciprocate it's disappointing, but just know it happens to all of us (it's happened to me MANY times!).

 

Ammy

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