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How do I let go of the anger?


How Do I Stop The Resentment? Let M...
How Do I Stop The Resentment? Let Me Help!

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I have so much pent up anger caused from my ex. We were together for 2.5 years. He had bi-polar tendancies which led him to lie to me alot. He cheated multiple times(never admitted to any of them) told me he loved me one minute and not the next, and overall treated me horribly. The thing that angers me the most is that wile we were trying to fix our relationship he up and decides that he wants to move hundreds of miles away.

 

I already know that it's a really GOOD thing im not with him. I do NOT want him back at all, im just having problems forgiving him and letting go of my anger. On certain days I think about it so much that I get furious and start to cry. I have never really been able to accept what he has done to me. Nightmares of him cheating still haunt me.

 

I've tried alot of different things. I exercise, read, hang with friends, try new things. I'm just at a lost. I'm tired of this pent up anger. Any suggestions?

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i understand completely how you feel about the anger... and the only thing i can tell you is to talk about it and let it out.

 

for me talking about how angry i am helps me. To be able to have people here on ENA let me vent my anger- or my friends etc... talking about what a jerk he was, and how could he and letting my feelings out has been helping a lot. we need that release. it can't stay bottled up inside of you- you have to let it out and let it go.

 

I think being angry with him is also a way for you to stay connected within yourself- meaning... if you are angry you are still talking about him... thinking about him... keeping it and the feelings alive.

 

maybe there is a part of you that doesn't want to let go of the anger because you aren't ready to let go of him.

 

i know for me, and its only been a few days- the anger is in some way comforting- being angry with him is allowing me to keep him in my life.. in my mind... where he has been for a while- and if i weren't angry- then what would be left?

 

i'm not ready to deal with the pain that i lost someone i loved.

 

the place that i hope to get to is where i can remember the good times... and forgive the bad- not in the sense that we get back...but that within me- i have peace- i no longer will look at the last 2 yrs as a complete waste of my time.

 

i don't know if that makes sense or not.

 

how long it has been that you have been broken up?

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You were cheated and lied to, of course you are angry. I am surprise if you aren't

 

Ok.....I want you to never talk, chat, text or e-mail him ever again. can you do that?

 

Btw, i noticed you try a lot of things. But have you tried seeing someone else? I am not talking about going to a bar and hook up with some random stranger. i am talking about just calling up that old friend you were attracted to or meet new people.

 

hope this help, let me know how it turns out?

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You were cheated and lied to, of course you are angry. I am surprise if you aren't

 

Ok.....I want you to never talk, chat, text or e-mail him ever again. can you do that?

 

Btw, i noticed you try a lot of things. But have you tried seeing someone else? I am not talking about going to a bar and hook up with some random stranger. i am talking about just calling up that old friend you were attracted to or meet new people.

 

hope this help, let me know how it turns out?

 

I'm scared to try meeting new men! I don't think im ready even if it is friendly based. I'm going through a " I don't trust men" stage.

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is part of that anger coming from your own feelings of shame?

 

What i'm getting at is that you enabled his actions by not having your own boundaries. As the other posters have said, let the anger out, but also try to look at yourself and develop better awareness on why you let this behaviour go on for so long and why you let your boundaries go. Perhaps that will give you a clue as to where this anger is coming from.......it might be coming from your own shame for allowing this to happen. I know that in my relationship, a lot of the anger comes froma place of shame, because no one can make us feel bad unless we let them.

 

This is a good opportunity to learn more about yourself

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i like the idea of experiencing what you're feeling...as you're feeling it. for me...the thing that's worked best is to really focus on the physical feeling...what are the actual sensations in my body.

 

i've also found that it's helpful to observe any compulsive thoughts that are leading to your negativity. when you start to feel a certain way...see if you can determine the thought that is causing you to feel that way. emotions are always reactions to thoughts...so if you can begin to remove the power from those thoughts...you will be taking a great step towards healing. try not to judge your thoughts...just try to watch. just be aware that you're having the thought. it's not an easy thing to do at first...because you're likely very identified with certain patterns. part of wants to continue to feed the pain...because in a sense...it's a part of who you are.

 

dunno if that makes any sense.

 

hope you figure it out

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is part of that anger coming from your own feelings of shame?

 

What i'm getting at is that you enabled his actions by not having your own boundaries. As the other posters have said, let the anger out, but also try to look at yourself and develop better awareness on why you let this behaviour go on for so long and why you let your boundaries go. Perhaps that will give you a clue as to where this anger is coming from.......it might be coming from your own shame for allowing this to happen. I know that in my relationship, a lot of the anger comes froma place of shame, because no one can make us feel bad unless we let them.

 

This is a good opportunity to learn more about yourself

 

 

Thanks for this insight. I think that I am mad at myself as well.

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use this to learn about yourself..........every person we have a relationship with is a teacher. This is not about him and what he did to you, this is about learning things about yourself that will allow you to make better decisions and choices in future and work on any behaviour/patterns/fears you may have. Looking externally for answers gets us nowhere.

 

and yes he is an a$$, but then you knew that well before you broke up. some of us confuse need for love. i am guilty of that too and trying to work on it

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use this to learn about yourself..........every person we have a relationship with is a teacher. This is not about him and what he did to you, this is about learning things about yourself that will allow you to make better decisions and choices in future and work on any behaviour/patterns/fears you may have. Looking externally for answers gets us nowhere.

 

and yes he is an a$$, but then you knew that well before you broke up. some of us confuse need for love. i am guilty of that too and trying to work on it

 

once again you hit the nail on the head, atelis.

 

although...i'm not sure about your last paragraph. can't agree with everything you say i suppose.

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I'm scared to try meeting new men! I don't think im ready even if it is friendly based. I'm going through a " I don't trust men" stage.

 

haha, that's funny.

 

Cause I am going through a " i don't trust women" stage.

 

just got hurt by this cold-hearted * * * * who can't stop bragging about how many men she slept with.

 

The reason I am here and everywhere is because i want to know that there are still good people out there. and I think there is

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haha, that's funny.

 

Cause I am going through a " i don't trust women" stage.

 

just got hurt by this cold-hearted * * * * who can't stop bragging about how many men she slept with.

 

The reason I am here and everywhere is because i want to know that there are still good people out there. and I think there is

 

Ouch. Sorry to hear that you are having to put up with that. And I would like to believe that there are good people out there as well.

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once again you hit the nail on the head, atelis.

 

although...i'm not sure about your last paragraph. can't agree with everything you say i suppose.

 

i should have clarified.......when i said externally, i meant that most co-dependent people focus on others to keep from looking at themselves. we need to stop focussing on others and analysing why they did the things they did to us and start focussing on why we allowed them to do that, why we ignored the signals, why we tolerated the behaviour/abuse or why we didn't put and end to it sooner. Those answers are inside us, not our partners..........our partners are merely giving us the cues to look inside ourselves.

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Very true on that last point ... and I can relate to the original poster, and feel a bit of a shame that I allowed someone to treat me so shabbily at times and let this happen because of my feelings of love.

 

I can understand the whole not wanting to meet someone else. Its been 5 months and I have no appetite to be with anyone else and I guess it takes time and meeting someone special.

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Being betrayed and cheated is the worst experience ever I had. I was very angry in the first two months, especially in denial and deep question. Let your anger out in a positive way and don't act out toward anybody...for me I sent him emails and text messages calling each bad name in this world and wishing them bad luck, go to hell,etc. I wrote a journal to express my anger and how badly I wish karma would take care of them. Then I ran 3-4 times a week for more than 3 miles a day. I worked really hard because I think that the best revenge is to be happy and lead a better life than them.

 

In a nutshell, let your feelings out, but in a positive way.

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Being betrayed and cheated is the worst experience ever I had. I was very angry in the first two months, especially in denial and deep question. Let your anger out in a positive way and don't act out toward anybody...for me I sent him emails and text messages calling each bad name in this world and wishing them bad luck, go to hell,etc. I wrote a journal to express my anger and how badly I wish karma would take care of them. Then I ran 3-4 times a week for more than 3 miles a day. I worked really hard because I think that the best revenge is to be happy and lead a better life than them.

 

In a nutshell, let your feelings out, but in a positive way.

 

might be the best revenge...but revenge isn't your friend.

 

drawing that comparison...of leading a better life...will never bring joy to your life. might give you a temporary sense of pleasure...but it's a form of negativity...and as such...it's feeding the pain within you. it might not feel that way now...but it will definitely identify itself at some point.

 

resist nothing. surrender to all negativity. this is how you awaken from the condition of suffering. are you at ease? does your thought of revenge really make you feel better? or is it just something that feeds your pain?

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