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Is this normal?


xall0nblackx
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I'd really appreciate some advice, or opinions on my situation, it's very embarrassing to still be in this stage.

 

I'm 21 years old right now, and was in a relationship with the same person since I was 19. We even got engaged.

 

We broke up about 5 months ago, and I've been going through hell ever since. I'm not sure why, I think it might be because, (and I swear I'm not exaggerating) two days after we broke up, I went to a movie with a friend, and saw him, the person I almost married, holding hands with another girl. And 4 months after that night, they made it known how "in love" they are.

 

My parents feel that I need to speak to a therapist, because they feel that I should be healing by now. I'm very depressed, I try not to leave my house, but everytime I do, I fear that I will run into him and his girlfriend. And there have been cases where I've seen them in passing, and I shake and get this terrible feeling in my chest. I saw them in Wal-Mart, all over each other, and I again, started shaking and had to leave, without finishing my shopping. I waitress at a popular restaraunt, and every single time I go to work, I'm terrified that they're going to walk in together.

 

I've tried the NC thing, and it definitely has helped, (thanks to the Blocking Phone Number feature my cell phone company finally has) but I still feel like I'm in the same pain as I was the day we broke up.

 

I have had quite a few opportunities to go on dates with other guys, but something is holding me back, like I'd rather stay at home, than go out with someone else.

 

I want to change everything about appearance, from my hair color to my jean size. I can't eat and I sleep, but not at normal times, I sleep my days away (unless I have to work) and rely on sleeping pills to sleep at night.

 

I'd appreciate any advice or opinions that anyone has, because I just want to get over this.

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1) Stop taking sleeping pills (your sleeping all day and then having a hard time getting to sleep that is because of the drugs you need to have more natural sleep)

2) Contact your ex to tell him not to come to where you work and ask if he will ask his partner not to go there ether (then end contact again)

3) 5 months isn’t that long it take a lot of people a lot of time to heal there is nothing wrong with you, your just getting over your first real relationship

4) Stop glorifying the relationship don't say you almost married him unless you have a date set and the ring and dress bought

5) Start dating

 

It might seem awful to start dating but the truth is that (at least to me) it sounds like your holding on to you pain, you want to hurt because it makes what you had and how you felt more real. Sometimes we hold on to pain because it is the thing that PROVES we loved someone. It's time to let go.

 

Other then that it just takes time. Hang in there is will get better. What your feeling is normal.

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My advice to you is:

1. Stop listening to your parents - it's too soon for therapy, your situation is not pathological - you are in pain. Sometimes it might take years for your to get over a real relationship.

2. Stop worrying about them coming to your restaurant. Ask your ex not to go there. If he does anyway, be the bigger person and act professionally. Show him you are over him (sometimes, if you act like it, you begin to feel it).

3. Stop all kinds of non prescribed medication. Get a good night sleep every night and set the alarm clock for 8 hours after you go to bed - regulate your sleeping time.

4. Get busy. Go shopping, running, out with friends, on dates, etc. For a while, it might seem like you're faking fun, but suddenly you will realise how things begin to get brighter.

5. Remember this: he wasn't the guy for you - he chose someone else. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY with someone who cares for you as much as you care for him.

 

keep us posted.

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You poor, poor thing. I really feel for you. I think the fact that you saw your ex two days later with this other girl has had a profound influence on your feelings.

 

I agree completely with the two posts above. The first things that came into my mind when reading your post was that you should try to avoid the sleeping pills and also to ask your ex to make sure he never comes into your restaurant - tbh I wouldn't have thought he would have done anyway.

 

I also agree that 5 months isn't that long. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You can heal from this as long as you are focussed and in the right frame of mind.

 

You can move on from this and find love again, remember that.

 

***hugs***

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