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Say something or just leave it??


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Title sum`s it up really. But is it a question of pride? hurt or leaveing the door open?

Me and ex were in contact pretty regular almost like bf/gf for last couple of months mainly by phone or txt though on average would see eachother for one reason or another about once a week, we slept together a few times although the next day she would always worry that, that may keep me back from meeting someone else, as she would say we are only friends.

My ex has a few issues, depression, self esteem, scared commitment, and alcohol to a degree.

The thing is when we were "friends" the last couple of months she opened up to a lot of things to me, how she put up barriers after new year split, how missed me and cried a lot, how she go`s to work to block life out.

How she wishes drinking at night was an option etc. She also admitted i was the best man she had ever met and wishes she wasnt so messed up with life.

Anyway whilst just friends she has txt`d me one night to say i looked good that evening and wishes she was good enough for me. She talked about us buying a house, as "friends" but shareing a bed . Cried 2 weeks ago that she had had her period, because she didnt know wheater she wanted it or not (we had a misscaraige jan). And also week before last said , maybe if you were to ask to marry me, i might say yes. Ps im 36 she`s 33.

So through all this i tried to let it wash over me as i know how she is scared of relationships and opening up to maybe get hurt.

So last week we were chatting on phone, she was saying how fed up she was and if wasnt for her kids wouldnt care if alive or dead. Now to hear someone you love say that isnt nice. And i would love to be with her full stop, but tried to let all things said in past month wash over me, to take things very slow with her. After her saying that i asked do you love me ? trust me? fancy me? all was yes. So i said put your trust in me lets get back together. She said no we are friends.

Apart from few txts next day (last tue) Where i said i was happy being friends, but with all you said past month i had to say something as if you put your trust in me we could be really good, she replied this friends thing isnt working as you want so much more than me, it`s best we cut all contact.And sorry for giveing you mixed signals.

So that`s where it stands, she is adamant she doesnt want a relationship with anyone else always has been and im the only man she would ever trust, but just wants to be alone.

The thing is now i feel a fool (know i shouldnt), do i try and make contact again and say "im wondering if you have calmed down now and can see that i was happy as we were"

Any help please very confused.

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sounds alot like me..I was there for my ex for the past year, being her friend, and what not with the idea it would help me get back together..talking alot spending alot of time together and making love just like you..She never played the friend thing on me because I told her from day one what I wanted and that was to be back together..I dont think she minded that because she was getting what she wanted out of me *someone to be there* and I was getting what I wanted my woman...so whats going to happen when she doesnt need you anymore?

 

I dont think you should drop her, but def take a step back from her, give her a reason to miss you..right now you seem to be all she has and theres nothing wrong with that, but at the same time, what are you doing for you..setting yourself up for more pain and hurt is what it seems like..I hate for this to sound like a game, but take the power back..if your there then she cant see what she's missing..hope that helps

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Dj it does help a bit thanks. The last time we went n/c i broke it after 6wks not about us but soething else she took the high ground and ive had better receptions to say the least, ahe explained later she ws in a bad place. I then disapered and six weeks later she came back and wanted it all, saying how she had nearly lost the only one she loved could talk to trusted and felt comfortable with, but yet again she paniced. So it could be a long wait if last time was anything to go by , thats if she contacts me at all.

All time we were kind of back as "friends" she would brag my looks up (sorry if sounds a bit im all that, because i aint) because im back working out. And when we were in contact again, treated her well maybe to well hence maybe scareing her.

It`s now i feel a bit stupid for coming out with the getting back together thing , even though all the sign`s where more than there.

We had a conversation one night where she said i wont blame you if you go with someone else as we are just friends. I said im past the one night stands, if i ever go with anyone else it will be a relationship, and she was like ohh.

So maybe i have a stupid feeling that she thought that i would always kind of be there some where, maybe im wrong.

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it would appear that she sways back and forth every time you get a little to close for her comfort..and from her behavior in the past it seems as this is a repeating thing..One thing I would make sure to do would be to set personal boundaries, because it sounds every time she comes back you accept with open arms. that shouldnt be the way of it, she should value having you in her life and KNOW that you are a rare find for her..Be there for her sure, but it shouldnt just be a one way street..like I said she has to work at it as much as you do, and you shouldnt be as forgiving and understanding, and let her know this "when you decide to be with me, there is no going back and forth, i deserve this, and I expect it" kinda thing

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Very true, i let her back in way to easy last time, without any questions of changes she would make.

What really gets to me is that she forgets all she told me when we were 'friends', how she was happier when together but not happy in her self, crying on phone because she was messed up with life and i was only 1 she could talk to. And wished she could be normal. Little txts like thinking of you etc. Way held on to hand when i was leavin etc.

Now go's back to puttin these walls back up and giving up on being happy.

Shame is she had sumone who would have helped her through all her issues. But she's to afraid to try.

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sounds to me she is sefl fullfilling a prophecy..telling you she basically isnt loveable, and then setting up walls..in some way it sounds like she is testing your resolve..maybe everyone else just got tired of her back and forth and left her *abandonment issues?* The trick is dont try to convince her youll be there by the things you say and the pleas you try to make..Just show her..but do it with strength and the idea that YOU are most important..my ex did the same with me..I was her go to person, but when she didnt need me or I couldnt deliever ALL the time I got the boot..it wasnt ALL for that reason, but it was a factor..

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sounds to me she is sefl fullfilling a prophecy..telling you she basically isnt loveable, and then setting up walls..in some way it sounds like she is testing your resolve..maybe everyone else just got tired of her back and forth and left her *abandonment issues?* The trick is dont try to convince her youll be there by the things you say and the pleas you try to make..Just show her..but do it with strength and the idea that YOU are most important..my ex did the same with me..I was her go to person, but when she didnt need me or I couldnt deliever ALL the time I got the boot..it wasnt ALL for that reason, but it was a factor..

 

Ive said to her you stop yourself being happy, you are almost there and then you stop yourself , which she agrees with. Also said to her in past if i never left your side you would never panic she also agred to that aswell.

I think in past , well from what she tells me and to a degree what i have seen, that she was always pushed away and she doesnt believe that someone could love her. But in the end if think she did believe me , but was scared to a degree i would leave her. Or maybe even that she couldnt handle it.

Was thinking today the last night we spoke, that she was saying how she had booked a few days away with her kids and mum, and i must have been on her mind as she said that if she had been going away with me she would`nt have felt comfortable 1st thing in morning looking her best. Also that reason she doesnt go to town center drinking is because she feels comfortable drinking up here in locals, the other week i bumped into her whilst she was walking from work we had a drink, she said later that she was comfotable in her work clothes with every 1 around her , apart from a bit worried what i would think she looked like. Hardly what just a "friend" should think aye? I always told her she was stunning.

How do i go about showing her what i think of her, whilst not together, or is that the way by not being together, and just getting on with thing`s?

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I think this has to be a two way street..I think you should stand up for yourelf, you clearly want more, I think you should respect what you want enough to tell her that and then let her decide what her move is going to be..You shouldnt have to keep proving yourself or your love, she is the one that needs to be proving that what she says she wants she is getting..she knows she's happiest with you, *youd think she'd choose to be happiest* I understand the underlying fear that your going to walk out on her, and her cat and mouse thing is her way of in a way dangling you. give you a little big of what you want, and then pull back, so I think you should decide what your willing to put up with, and what your not.. I wont claim to even have a clue that I know what IM talking about, I can only go on how I would feel in this situation..I catered to my ex's every whim, and the few times I didnt or couldnt my name was mud..as IM sure alot of people can agree with..So like I said what do you want, and better yet what is BEST for you..

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I understand what you are saying about catering to your ex`s every whim. In fairness when we were together she wasnt to demanding, but on the two ocassions i didnt agree with her she really went off on one, i.e. were finished i know now what you think of me, you get on with your selfesh life, and that was after disagreeing with a totaly unreasonable idea.

The strange thing is, is that both times she went off on one it was very close to times i had been either very careing, or we had moved a major step forward in our relationship. Times when you really wouldnt expect it.

Even the weekend before this split we had gotten a lot closer or so it would seem.

I think i have left it open by the last txt i left her with, the day after we stopped talking, which went somethig like this "Im going to let you go, you know me i wont pester, i`ll always have some feeling`s for you, if some one comes along for me so be it, but im not looking for it, i never want to have to ever think what if with you, so if you want it, and mean it, have the guts to get in contact with me, take care x"

So the balls in her court but also with that i may be in for a long .

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20 Walk Away Quotes: For when the T...
20 Walk Away Quotes: For when the Time Has Come to Finally Leave

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