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Korean girlfriend acting strange...


rich46
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Hi all,

 

Firstly it's been a long time since I came on this site. It helped me enormously back in 2004 when I broke up with my first love.

 

Thesedays, I am teaching English in South Korea, and I've recently met a cute Korean girl who I really like. However, at least in my opinion, she often acts a little weird to say the least.

 

Firstly, she refuses to have her photo taken unless it's with her camera. Even then, she won't let me have the photo...therefore I have no pictures of her at all.

 

Secondly, I keep an online journal and of course I mentioned her quite a few times, particularly as we recently went on vacation together. However, she doesn't want me to even mention her in my journal at all either...so I have to pretend I went on vacation alone or something!

 

I know she is a private person, and I am too, but this behaviour strikes me as extreme. Should I just accept it? It really frustrates me that she gets so defensive about these small (in my mind, anyway) issues.

 

It may be unrelated, but her father walked out on her when she was 2 years old and so she grew up with her mum, who consequently had a string of no-good men in her life. Could this be the cause for her defensive behaviour, and refusal to fully open up to me?

 

I should add that she is very pretty and so there is no logical reason for her to be so camera shy.

 

Thanks for reading,

 

Rich

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I would like to know something. Does she take pictures of you and keep them?

Yeah she does....although occasionally I'll refuse if I am in a bad mood, just out of spite. It frustrates me so much! I've done a lot of travelling in the last few years and kept detailed journals, as when I feel down I often read them again and it brings the memories pouring back. However, when I am 80 years old and reading my Korean journal, there will be no mention of my girlfriend at the time! Very strange.

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Hey there...welcome back. I remember you from way back when!

Hey hockeyboy...I remember you too! I can't believe 5 years have passed since those dark days. I hope life is treating you well...you helped a lot back then.

 

I've just been reading some of my old posts...a very strange experience!

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The picture thing is probably self image. She doesn't want people to take any photos that may be unflattering. If they are only with her camera, she has control over which pictures she thinks she looks good in and can delete the ones she dislikes.

Yeah I agree, but the journal thing? Plus she won't even send me her best photos. I don't know if this is a culture thing or whether she just has some very strange habits. It's hard because she can be so sweet and cute, but then she'll get incredibly sensitive and defensive about the most stupid little things...

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Yeah she does....although occasionally I'll refuse if I am in a bad mood, just out of spite. It frustrates me so much! I've done a lot of travelling in the last few years and kept detailed journals, as when I feel down I often read them again and it brings the memories pouring back. However, when I am 80 years old and reading my Korean journal, there will be no mention of my girlfriend at the time! Very strange.

 

Wow, she's a hypocrite? That's a surprise. I would demand that she give all of them back. It's not fair to you that the relationship isn't equal.

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Wow, she's a hypocrite? That's a surprise. I would demand that she give all of them back. It's not fair to you that the relationship isn't equal.

Yeah, I agree.

 

The way I'm feeling right now, I'm tempted to just end it...it just seems like a lame reason - "I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't let me take a photo of her."

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Hey hockeyboy...I remember you too! I can't believe 5 years have passed since those dark days. I hope life is treating you well...you helped a lot back then.

 

I've just been reading some of my old posts...a very strange experience!

 

Ya, those were different times. Glad to hear your doing well...

 

As far as the journal, is it private? If so, I would continue to write what you want.

 

I'd also tell her you respect her feelings about pictures, but you want at least a few, to have. Or has she flat out said not to that already too?

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Ya, those were different times. Glad to hear your doing well...

 

As far as the journal, is it private? If so, I would continue to write what you want.

 

I'd also tell her you respect her feelings about pictures, but you want at least a few, to have. Or has she flat out said not to that already too?

No it's an online journal, mostly so friends and family back in the UK can see what I've been doing, and as I already mentioned, so that I have a record of my experiences when I am old and grey.

 

As for the photos, she's pretty much flat out said that I can't have any! Bizarre. Sometimes we'll have couple shots (with her camera) and she looks stunning, but she'll think that she looks terrible. There must be some deep-rooted self-image/esteem problems here...

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Perhaps I'm a bit stubborn, but I had a friend once who didn't want me to tell people about him at all. I told him, "I tell people what happens to me, it's my right. If you are with me, I mention it. If you do something funny, stupid, etc with me, I mention it. I won't stop doing that. It's my life and I have the right to share it with others. If you don't like it, perhaps you shouldn't spend time with me."

 

He still spends time with me and he has learned not to do anything in front of me that he doesn't want others to hear about. I also respect his privacy, I don't tell stories of his to others unless I am personally involved in them.

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Perhaps I'm a bit stubborn, but I had a friend once who didn't want me to tell people about him at all. I told him, "I tell people what happens to me, it's my right. If you are with me, I mention it. If you do something funny, stupid, etc with me, I mention it. I won't stop doing that. It's my life and I have the right to share it with others. If you don't like it, perhaps you shouldn't spend time with me."

.

Thanks for your reply...this is exactly what I want to say to her, but I am now debating about whether the issue is big enough to probably end the relationship. If I do say words to that effect, I'm pretty sure she'll call it quits, such is her sensitivity.

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Have you actually asked her? If she is so sensitive just be very careful how you word it... like: "I really love the time/vacation we spend together and I enjoy letting my friends read of our trips. I feel strange leaving you out of the stories because you were there with me. Can you tell me why you don't like me to mention you or have photos of you? You know I would never distribute photos of you or describe any embarrassing."

 

See what she says. Honestly, if she is THAT sensitive and is willing to break up over this, maybe that is something to think about. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and privacy but at some point, they do need to open up, especially to their significant other.

 

But the best thing to do is simply ASK her in a non-confrontational way.

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Thanks for your reply...this is exactly what I want to say to her, but I am now debating about whether the issue is big enough to probably end the relationship. If I do say words to that effect, I'm pretty sure she'll call it quits, such is her sensitivity.

 

You think she'd give you back pictures with you if you asked?

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I see this as just the tip of the iceberg. She is being unreasonable to say the least and acting fobic at the worst. This doesn't sound much like a relationship to me. Is this what you want? If not, then you need to take steps to try and work out these issues. if she won't compromise then how long can this really continue?

 

You can't be her therapist. If she has this many issues perhaps she should see someone to help her resolve them. You are changing quite a lot just to be with her. That never works out well.

 

Lost

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I am chatting to her on MSN right now. She is upset because on my journal, I posted a photo of her BACK in the distance, walking towards a giant Buddha statue! Honestly, I should just end this right now, but there is something holding me back... ](*,)

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I am chatting to her on MSN right now. She is upset because on my journal, I posted a photo of her BACK in the distance, walking towards a giant Buddha statue! Honestly, I should just end this right now, but there is something holding me back... ](*,)

 

At that...I wouldn't cater to her and tell her that she is being beyond ridiculous. If she wants to get mad for saying that, stay calm, but hold your ground, because she really is being ridiculous.

 

I'm assuming this has nothing to do with her culture (I'm ignorant to it) and it's just her, right? i.e. native americans though a picture stole your soul. I'm assuming it's nothing like that?

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I know plenty of people from Korea who are Korean. The camera thing & the not mentioning her thing means she's either a secret spy, a hired assassin, married, or a plain ol' cu-ca-doo...it's sooo not a culture thing.

 

Didn't even think of that one. But, maybe she doesn't want people to know that you two are dating or something crazy like that?

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I know plenty of people from Korea who are Korean. The camera thing & the not mentioning her thing means she's either a secret spy, a hired assassin, married, or a plain ol' cu-ca-doo...it's sooo not a culture thing.

This seems most likely. Maybe it stems from her father walking out on her. She could have some issues with men in her life...

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Honestly, I don't think it's an issue of her treating you oddly. She's treating you like a big secret. Not saying this is you, but my buddy dated a guy for an entire year...even though they broke up, she found out through facebook that he was married the whole entire time they were together, and on kid #3. The main thing they fought about was going to his place (I didn't know about that)...and it didn't click together for her.

 

Even if you have been to her home; people, family do go abroad. You go there, they come here.

 

People who feel abandonment issues push people away from getting too close to them. I don't think getting your picture taken or having something write "I went with my girl somewhere" is the same thing.

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Just to update this thread...

 

Our relationship finished this afternoon. It sucks because despite everything, I really liked her. However, there's just no way that it could have worked because we are both sensitive souls...her especially.

 

The final nail in the coffin came last night, when we went out for dinner. I reminded her that I was going to Taiwan next week for a short vacation, something that I booked long before I even met her. There I'll meet a couple of female friends of mine who I met whilst travelling in Japan...they are just friends and I only knew them for 3 days! Anyway, my now ex-girlfriend went deathly silent on me (a common occurrence) and it was clear that she was jealous. I should have left it but I pushed the issue and confronted her double standards, and she said "I don't like men who have female friends" - this despite most of her friends being male!

 

It was like talking to a brick wall at times trying to reason with her, and I've never met anyone as sensitive in my life. She has definitely got issues due to being hurt before (as I have) and especially because of her dad walking out when she was so young.

 

Anyway I'm rambling on now, just thought I'd update and say thanks again for all your advice.

 

Rich

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