brahman Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I have recently joined Eharmony and decided that I wasn't going to say no to anyone. And so far out of 170 people, 18 have closed on me, about 30 are actually responding and the rest get lost somewhere in between answering one of my questions and never replying back to me. Which is kinda cool for me, cause I only put a 300 mile limit on my area. Unfortunately the 18 that have closed on me are for the most part the hottest ones. Poor me. To get to something of actual substance, I was recently asked a question by one of the matches that really stumped me. I'm a guy who spends a lot of time think about relationships and how to make them work, and I just didn't have a good answer for this question. So here goes.................. I have a child, if we were to be together, where do you see yourself in my child's life? Cause I just don't have a well thought out semi educated answer for this person. Link to comment
gidget1 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 In my opinion, when you start a relationship with, for example, a single mother, it is up to her where you fit into the child's life. Unless something mystical and crazy happens and the planets collide and you fit right into place, as if you were always there, it is up to her to decide whether or not you'll be the "cool uncle" or the "loving father". (why would you want to run the risk of imposing?) Maybe I'm wrong... I've never dated anyone with a kid and I'm no mother. Link to comment
free2Bme Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 this can't just be a well scripted answer that you give, it has to be truthful, not just sound good to the reader. So how would you feel about dating a woman with a child? Link to comment
brahman Posted July 15, 2009 Author Share Posted July 15, 2009 I'd feel fine, but I still don't know what I would do. I feel as though being their father would be wrong, but maybe it's only wrong if the mother doesn't wish me to be the father. Link to comment
free2Bme Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I think it would be wrong at this stage to say you'd want to be a father figure, maybe something like "I'd want to be his/her friend, someone they can rely on, talk to, and have fun with" Link to comment
Speranza Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I'm just stunned by the amount of matches! I tried it and got ONE in my whole country! lol Link to comment
d24 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 lol well eharmony is rubbish in the uk. you wanna try match i'd imagine. it's a tricky question but at the end of the day it's not your decision, it's hers. She can't expect an answer like "oh I'd love it like it was mine" because there's countless factors in play here. get to know the woman and it'll all come about naturally... yeah... that question would have stumped me too! Link to comment
KG Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 How about "where would you want me to be in your child's life?' Link to comment
spinstermanquee Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Howzabout just what you said here? "I don't have a well thought out, educated answer for you, I don't know the "right" answer... but I'm a guy who spends a lot of time think about relationships and how to make them work best. In this instance I think I would follow your lead." Sometimes the best answer is more of a non answer. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 "It would depend on the child, and the dynamics of the child-mother-father relationship but I probably would want to be a good host and a good friend, since I believe that disciplining is the job of the parents, not the stepparent or significant other" Well that's what I would write, but I figured I'd share. Link to comment
Symbolic Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Depends on what you are willing to do i would think. I've dated a girl with a kid before. If lets say, you fall in love and you two are meant to be and such, and you are in that scenario, willing to become that kids daddy, then tell her that. If you never ever wanna be involved with the kid, say that. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 are YOU open to dating a woman with a child? that's what you need to figure out for yourself. something along the lines of what batya said would be good. assuming you and this lady meet and you hit it off, it makes sense for you to meet the child too after dating for a few months, to see if the family dynamic would be good. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 You're not going to say No to ANYONE? This ought to be interesting. I really think you should be a little more selective. Be honest, if you can't see yourself ever being a father figure to someone else's child, the relationship won't work anyway. I agree with Wendy that what you wrote here sounds good Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 You're not going to say No to ANYONE? This ought to be interesting. there was a book written about this. a woman decided not to say no to anyone for one year. anyone who asked her out, she went out with, including women. i saw her on some TV show. i think she eventually met her husband out of this year. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 there was a book written about this. a woman decided not to say no to anyone for one year. anyone who asked her out, she went out with, including women. i saw her on some TV show. i think she eventually met her husband out of this year. Coincidence. Link to comment
Aldonza Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 My answer would be, "I don't see myself in that child's life...because frankly, women who are looking for a father for their child before even meeting the man in question do not interest me." But that's just me. Link to comment
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