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Sooooooooooo........


brahman
TikTok Advice For Relationships Suc...
TikTok Advice For Relationships Sucks

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I have recently joined Eharmony and decided that I wasn't going to say no to anyone. And so far out of 170 people, 18 have closed on me, about 30 are actually responding and the rest get lost somewhere in between answering one of my questions and never replying back to me. Which is kinda cool for me, cause I only put a 300 mile limit on my area. Unfortunately the 18 that have closed on me are for the most part the hottest ones. Poor me.

 

To get to something of actual substance, I was recently asked a question by one of the matches that really stumped me. I'm a guy who spends a lot of time think about relationships and how to make them work, and I just didn't have a good answer for this question. So here goes..................

 

I have a child, if we were to be together, where do you see yourself in my child's life?
Cause I just don't have a well thought out semi educated answer for this person.
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In my opinion, when you start a relationship with, for example, a single mother, it is up to her where you fit into the child's life. Unless something mystical and crazy happens and the planets collide and you fit right into place, as if you were always there, it is up to her to decide whether or not you'll be the "cool uncle" or the "loving father". (why would you want to run the risk of imposing?)

 

Maybe I'm wrong... I've never dated anyone with a kid and I'm no mother.

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lol well eharmony is rubbish in the uk. you wanna try match i'd imagine.

it's a tricky question but at the end of the day it's not your decision, it's hers. She can't expect an answer like "oh I'd love it like it was mine" because there's countless factors in play here. get to know the woman and it'll all come about naturally... yeah... that question would have stumped me too!

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Howzabout just what you said here?

 

"I don't have a well thought out, educated answer for you, I don't know the "right" answer... but I'm a guy who spends a lot of time think about relationships and how to make them work best. In this instance I think I would follow your lead."

 

Sometimes the best answer is more of a non answer.

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"It would depend on the child, and the dynamics of the child-mother-father relationship but I probably would want to be a good host and a good friend, since I believe that disciplining is the job of the parents, not the stepparent or significant other"

 

Well that's what I would write, but I figured I'd share.

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Depends on what you are willing to do i would think. I've dated a girl with a kid before. If lets say, you fall in love and you two are meant to be and such, and you are in that scenario, willing to become that kids daddy, then tell her that. If you never ever wanna be involved with the kid, say that.

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are YOU open to dating a woman with a child? that's what you need to figure out for yourself. something along the lines of what batya said would be good. assuming you and this lady meet and you hit it off, it makes sense for you to meet the child too after dating for a few months, to see if the family dynamic would be good.

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You're not going to say No to ANYONE? This ought to be interesting.

 

I really think you should be a little more selective.

 

Be honest, if you can't see yourself ever being a father figure to someone else's child, the relationship won't work anyway. I agree with Wendy that what you wrote here sounds good

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You're not going to say No to ANYONE? This ought to be interesting.

 

there was a book written about this. a woman decided not to say no to anyone for one year. anyone who asked her out, she went out with, including women. i saw her on some TV show. i think she eventually met her husband out of this year.

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