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Ex in rebound relationship


Deuce7

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My ex and I dated 2 and 1/2 years. Overall it was a very good relationship, we got along well and were in love until the end. We broke up with my ex in 5 months ago, I was the dumper. We had just drifted apart during the last few months of our relationship and fought more often. We have a big age gap I'm 27, she's 21. We both in school, she's working on her undergrad, I in grad school. She would never own up to her mistakes. After the breakup, I contacted her 2 weeks after and we had dinner and agreed to make the relationship work but she wasn't ready to commit back. She said she was still hurt and needed time to heal after what I had done. What I did was I threw her stuff out my apartment and kicked her out. We tried getting back together for 3 months but there was too much distance between us.

 

I broke it off when I found out she started dating someone else but was still talking to me. She said she "needed time for herself". I broke it off at a party, asked for my apartment key and left. This new guy bought her a $1000 watch for her birthday when they weren't even a couple. So far she has received expensive gifts from him. I went NC for 1 month. I showed up at her work and gave her a belated birthday present, dozen roses and an album of all the pictures we ever took together. I made jotted small notes beside many of the photos. We talked privately, I asked her for another chance to work things out. She said she's given me too many times. I told her I was willing to make changes and was going to anger managment. She turned me down. So I told her a few words of wisdom about not to trust or take advice from her party friends and wished her the best. I told her I hope this guy treats her well. I gave her a long hug and left. She turned and told me she couldn't take the present, I kept walking. It's been 36 days of NC, I been doing my best to recover, travel, seeing old friends, and cutting all parts of her out. There's still a part of me that wants to get back together. Before I had removed her facebook, our pictures together were still there but she's official with this guy. I don't know what this means. BTW, they been together officially 1 month.

 

Everyone of her party friends hate me but they don't even know my story. She's cut all the mutual friends that supported us getting back together. She took advice from the two friends that hate my guts.

 

My question is:

1. Do you agree with me that this guy is a rebound?

 

2. Was I late in NC?

 

3. Why do I feel now, not as bad as in the beginning?

 

4. Is she not feeling any pain? Maybe not with the rebound.

 

5. Anything I could do differently or any advice?

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1. Do you agree with me that this guy is a rebound?

Maybe, probably, but in honest truth... Who cares? Let it go. She aint coming back. As she said, shes given you plenty of chances. Time to move on.

 

2. Was I late in NC? Whether it was late or not. You should stay on NC from this point on. She has made it clear, there are no more chances.

 

3. Why do I feel now, not as bad as in the beginning? Because you have had some time to move on from it.

 

4. Is she not feeling any pain? Maybe not with the rebound. Yes, she probably felt pain, but rebounds, as you say, have a way of putting a bandage over one's heart and taking away the pain for the most part. You should be focusing on healing for yourself. It does not matter now what she is feeling, what she is doing, or who she is doing it with. That will only serve to drag your own healing out.

 

5. Anything I could do differently or any advice? Don't go back. If anything is going to happen between you two (and it's foolish to think that it will) she should be the one to come back to you. The more you harass her, the more you turn up at her work, the more likely you will have a restraining order taken out on you.

 

If you think you need anger management therapy, go get some. Sit a while and feel what you have learnt from the relationship and the break up. Write them down and consider what was done wrong (on both sides), and what could have done better. Work on those things. Take steps to move forward in your life because the more you hold on to her, the slower your moving on will be.

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I agree Keyman, instead of trying to get answers to questions that will probably never be answered let it go. Make a point of saying to yourself: who cares she's not my problem anymore and its time for me to live my own life without her! I know how hard it is to move on from somebody who you cared about and who broke your heart, but going no contact and keeping busy is the only way. Just do what you can to get her out of your head and after a while the pain will subside. Best of luck with everything. We've all been there.

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