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My boyfriend, :sigh:


delicous

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he sometimes freaks out on me when i tell him anything that

bugs me and upsets me, like not making eye contact when

saying i love you while waiting in line at the grocery store,

do you think its a big deal, he didn't but said hed work on it

after a sortof heated argument in the car and then at our apt.

 

but then he cooled down after i accused him of not really wanting to be with

me, because why would he make such a HUGE deal out of

something so simple to fix, he says I have to be right all the time

but its not true,, i just wanted to discuss it with him, let him know

and be open with him, isn't that what most guys in a relationship want?

But when we got home and argued and then i ignored him for a bit, he gave me a big hug and talked to me and let me know how he felt...

 

Why did it have to take so long though, I was honestly talking about

breaking up before this happened....

 

Why are you guys so confusing?

 

And thats just one of the situations that leaves me

baffled...I have a couple other ones that confused me at

the time as well...

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I got stressed out just by reading your post. It's good to communicate your feelings and needs, but arguments are not going to help you get the results that you want.

 

I think you should pay attention to his comment that you always need to be right. Perhaps he feels like you are always correcting him?

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You accused him of not wanting to be with you because he did'nt make direct eye contact with you in the grocery store line when he said I love you?

 

sorry, but I think you're way overdramatic. It seems theres no wonder he gets mad, he is probably irritated.

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I agree, it's a little overdramartic. Are you insecure? I get very insecure, but I've learned that you have to try and hold in your thoughts sometimes! You can't accuse your boyfriend of not wanting to be with you because of little things like this. He's telling you he loves you, but it's not good enough for you because he didin't make eye contact. What I now try my hardest to do is when I'm having these kind of thougts with someone I'm with - I try and really think things through before I react. Ask yourself wether you're being reasonable, breathe, and don't always voice your concerns every single time. Or he WILL get mad and will end up sick of it, and you'll lose him, trust me.

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sorry i dont know what to say to you response..

im not insecure and i don't believe i over reacted..

I wanted a simple response or sign that he still

really loves me..Looking to the side in distraction while saying

i love you too is a BIG deal to me

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sorry i dont know what to say to you response..

im not insecure and i don't believe i over reacted..

I wanted a simple response or sign that he still

really loves me..Looking to the side in distraction while saying

i love you too is a BIG deal to me

 

So... saying he loves you wasn't enough? You sound insecure and no matter how many arbitrary hoops you make him jump through, you're not going to feel any better. That comes from within.

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He doesn't ALWAYS seem distracted, Only while in public....but i don't know, maybe it was just me being too analitical, However you spell that word......

 

hexaemeron that was kind of harsh!

 

Perhaps. I freely admit I could be wrong, but it's just the sense that I get. Also, I've been in relationships where there was literally nothing I could do right for the other person. I would do something for him and he would say "No, this" so I would do that only to hear "NO! THIS OTHER THING!!!!" so I would do that and hear no, no, no over again.

 

People just don't like to jump through hoops. He says he loves you. Unless he's giving you real evidence that he doesn't love you. Cheating on you, hitting you, trying to avoid you, then just accept it for what it is. Otherwise, you're going to send a message to him that even though he does love you, it's not good enough for you and he'll grow to resent you.

 

Can't the fact that he says and by all appearances means it be enough?

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You're way over the line with this. Id be frustrated and annoyed to say the least. I think you should apologize for overreacting and learn to trust that he is honest with his feelings or don't be with him.

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Delicious - OK, you're saying you're not insecure. I can't tell you you ARE, I just have to take your word for it.

 

But you say he only seems distracted in public. Is he shy? Anxious? Does he not like PDA? There has to be a reason why it only happens in public, right? I think you were probably being too analytical (I get the same way, so this isn't a dig at you what-so-ever)

 

You say you want a sign that he loves you - doesn't he show it in other ways? Maybe instead of dwelling on him looking distracted in public, try to find all the ways he shows you he loves you. Is he nice to you? Buy you things? Cuddle you? Let you vent to him? etc.

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Yes he is...Hes not shy , he did say he doesn't like to

show PDA however,, HOWEVER...lol "clear throat"

he did tell me he knows its a big deal to me and he will

"try" to start showing it more often=/ so im just

stressing over something small, but I also don't want

to show any reaction because then he would think

I don't care, and that would be be being untruthful which is

bad when you are in a relationship....

 

So i guess im anaylitical...ill keep working on it, I honestly

think that magazine, "Cosmopolitan" is causing me to

anaylize a lot more than I use to...Its causing me to

basically try Decipher him...And think that might be a bad thing

even though i like the magazine a whole lot...

Do you think i should stop reading that magazine?

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If you think that magazine is doing it - YES! Stop reading it, it's not worth it. Ahh, women's magazines. They can do the same thing to me, lol. I don't really read them much anymore.

 

It's good that he said he's going to try and show it more often. Hopefully you'll start feeling more seure about it. Like I said before - look at the whole picture of what he does to show he cares and loves you, rather than the looking distracted in public.

 

Good luck!

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I have felt myself in your shoes before. I kinda have phases of analysing things beyond the point of reality, and I think I'm going through one now, so please believe me when I say I really do sympathise and whatever I say is NOT intended to be harsh, I'lljust be telling you what I am telling myself constantly.

 

Take a step back from the situation, look at it through fresh eyes. Remember that there are millions of people in relationships who would long for this to be their biggest worry. Remember that whilst he certainly can (and no doubt does) make mistakes from time to time, so do you. Realise this! When you've taken that step back from reality, re-evaluated who, if anyone, is in the wrong. You'd be surprised at how much better it makes you feel. How many times have I been so upset with, angry at, disappointed in my boyfriend and after removing myself from it for a few minutes I've discovered that either there's no reason to be upset, I'm justified and know this is something we need to talk about, or I'm in the wrong and need to sharpen up.

 

In fact, this week we've danced this little jig together. I was upset with him, he was upset with me. Removing myself from it, I saw there was *some* reason to be upset, but not as much as I was, and the next day he realised he'd been in the wrong and apologised. For the most part, because of this, whenever we have an argument we both inevitably end up apologising to each other for our own part in the argument and we feel better.

 

So that's my say. Also, accept things you can't change. From what you've said it's clear your boyfriend isn't into PDAs, and neither is mine. This isn't something I like, isn't something I can change and therefore isn't something worth fretting about.

 

P

xxx

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Yeah, I will try...its honestly beginning to become

exhausting, literally, I guess im over thinking

things he does, down to the direction he points his toes

while in a room with other people; I guess you can call me

attention needy....No cure for that that i know of..

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Don't let yourself think about those things then. When you find yourself dwelling on something then just banish the thought, go do something else, focus back on what you're doing. If you're in bed and worrying is stopping you sleep, get your music player and listen to something. I personally go with audiobooks or something, because I often get too wrapped up in lyrics and start attaching meanings to them and stuff.

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I know it's so hard. It really is. I find all I can do is try my best to kind of...separate myself from my thoughts/the situation (if that makes sense?) Try to look at the bigger picture, and try to look at things from the other persons point of view also. It's not easy, but it's better than (usually over)reacting and potentially screwing things up.

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sorry i dont know what to say to you response..

im not insecure and i don't believe i over reacted..

I wanted a simple response or sign that he still

really loves me..Looking to the side in distraction while saying

i love you too is a BIG deal to me

 

Why did he have to show you his love for you in the grocery line? What about in the privacy of your home or in the car or anywhere else? I'm sure he must say it other times?

 

Sorry but I also think you overreacted. You need to take a step back and see things for what they are. Does he act like he doesn't want to be with you thru other actions of his? Or was it just this one thing he did?

I'm sure he must look you in the eyes and/or mean it when he says he loves you. But he doesn't HAVE to always say it in the most romantic way possible.

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I think you need to be very sparing when you ask someone to change something about the way they behave or to do something for you that they ordinarily wouldnt.

 

Its best to take people as they are. If he's awkward about public displays of affection (which making eye contact while saying I love you in a queue kind of is) then surely you can accept that.

 

I think it's better to widen your views on how love can be shown then to have very narrow views of what demonstrates love and then insist someone else comply by showing their love in that exact way. Otherwise you just put way too much pressure on the person.

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sorry i dont know what to say to you response..

im not insecure and i don't believe i over reacted..

I wanted a simple response or sign that he still

really loves me..Looking to the side in distraction while saying

i love you too is a BIG deal to me

 

im at fault for this at times with my girlfriend and honestly i have no idea why i do it. come to think of it, usually its when i got something on my mind or if its something regarding the relationship. she will tell me she loves me and i just say bye (on the phone). later on she will call me asking me if i still love her as much etc. of course i re assure her but let me ask you this question..

 

women, why is it that you can ask us men questions like

 

do you still love me?

 

are you still attracted to me?

 

why dont we have sex as much?

etc.

 

but when us men have a episode of insecurity which it does happen time and time to all of us, we are accused of starting a fight or always finding something wrong and can never be happy or just being insecure.. why can women ask these things but us men cant??? Fair? I think not!!!

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Okay everyone Im still working on it, you know not Freaking Out..

Its not gonna be the easiest thing in the world to me , but

it has to be done; I love this guy to death, so ill do whatever it takes!

even if it means keeps my lips ZIPPED...

Haha....

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