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Am I Overracting??????


Gobucks44

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I have been dating this girl for about three months now, but we have been close friends since high school just never officially dated for various reasons. We have been intimate in the past but not had actual intercourse until recently. The other night we started talking about our past relationships and got into some of the details. I knew she had only only slept with one person until me and she knew I had only slept with one person until her. We have the same thought process on sex in that we only did it with someone who truly meant something and we were in love with. I lost my virginity early on in high school and she actually waited until college.

 

We got on the topic of oral sex and she disclosed to me that she had oral sex with nine guys over the past four years. I was a little shocked and almost kind of grossed out by the thought of her with that many guys. She explained that she had been in a relationship with every guy, but most just ended up not working out after like a month or two. She said that going into the relationship she knew she wouldn't be having sex with any of these guys for a long time so it was really the only way she could show them any intimacy which I understand. She said that she felt obligated since they were her boyfriends.

 

My question is do I have any right to feel the way I am about her past boyfriends? I don't know why but that seems like kind of a high number to me. For the females on this forum is that really a high number or do you think that is about average for someone who is a senior in college and has dated? I'm definitely excited that she has only slept with one person but this other think just kind of caught me off guard.

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Why would you ask? Why would she tell?

 

4 years, 9 guys, 2 guys per year....not that much (especially for a college student).

 

It's really up to you.

 

What would bother me is the fact that she said she 'felt obligated' because they were her boyfriends. I'd talk to her about this and tell her that she shouldn't do anything sexual out of obligation and that it wasn't fair to her.

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It's all down to personal opinion. I personally don't think 9 guys in 4 years is a lot. However, I wouldn't perticularly want to talk about a boyfriend's past sex live honestly. If it bothers you, it bothers you - does it make you think less of her?

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Why do people insists on talking about their past sex lives in detail with their partners? I'm really asking because I want to know. I see so many posts where people ask questions they do not want the answer to and then get upset when they get their answer.

 

It makes zero sense to me.

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Well, that would be kind of a lot for me personally but for a lot of girls that is probably not out of the ordinary. This is why a lot of people don't ask their SO for the number of people they've had in the past. As long as she gets tested and is clean (which is something you should do whether you've been with 1 person or 50) then it really means nothing.

 

Stop picturing her doing it in your head and it won't sit so sour with you. Everyone has the right to decide what is acceptable for themselves, and this was her choice. If you really can't get over it then the only other option is to find someone with a shorter sexual history. I think you should just not dwell on it and continue on your happy way together.

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It's all down to personal opinion. I personally don't think 9 guys in 4 years is a lot. However, I wouldn't perticularly want to talk about a boyfriend's past sex live honestly. If it bothers you, it bothers you - does it make you think less of her?

 

It kind of does make me think less of her, but I know that is silly because she is an awesome girl. I mean I guess if she had had sex with nine guys I would really be bothered but it was only oral, and for me to think less of her because of that would be kind of hypocritical considering I've been with my share of girls orally.

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Well, that would be kind of a lot for me personally but for a lot of girls that is probably not out of the ordinary. This is why a lot of people don't ask their SO for the number of people they've had in the past. As long as she gets tested and is clean (which is something you should do whether you've been with 1 person or 50) then it really means nothing.

 

Stop picturing her doing it in your head and it won't sit so sour with you. Everyone has the right to decide what is acceptable for themselves, and this was her choice. If you really can't get over it then the only other option is to find someone with a shorter sexual history. I think you should just not dwell on it and continue on your happy way together.

 

The thing is her sexual history is pretty short compared to most girls I know, but your right I do need to stop picturing things in my head. She laughs when we talk about it stating how tame she really was before me.

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I obvioulsy can't tell you what to do, but - if she is an awesome girl, I'd seriously let this one pass. I think when you get to a certain age, you're gonna have a damn hard time finding somebody with no sexual past (and really, how are you meant to know? Ask on the first date? Good luck with that!) I'd also be careful in the future which questions you ask. I actually understand it can be strangely tempting to ask those kind of things. But it's just like punching yourself in the face really.

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Why would you ask? Why would she tell?

 

4 years, 9 guys, 2 guys per year....not that much (especially for a college student).

 

It's really up to you.

 

What would bother me is the fact that she said she 'felt obligated' because they were her boyfriends. I'd talk to her about this and tell her that she shouldn't do anything sexual out of obligation and that it wasn't fair to her.

 

I think she felt obligated due to the fact that she knew she wasn't going to sleep with any of them, and what else can a girl really do to please her boyfriend other than oral if there not having sex. I guess if you factor in four years of high school and four of college dating one guy a year really isn't very much to get excited about.

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I think she felt obligated due to the fact that she knew she wasn't going to sleep with any of them, and what else can a girl really do to please her boyfriend other than oral if there not having sex. I guess if you factor in four years of high school and four of college dating one guy a year really isn't very much to get excited about.

 

That's still a really unhealthy view on sex, in my opinion.

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I obvioulsy can't tell you what to do, but - if she is an awesome girl, I'd seriously let this one pass. I think when you get to a certain age, you're gonna have a damn hard time finding somebody with no sexual past (and really, how are you meant to know? Ask on the first date? Good luck with that!) I'd also be careful in the future which questions you ask. I actually understand it can be strangely tempting to ask those kind of things. But it's just like punching yourself in the face really.

 

I totally understand that when you get past 20 you are hard pressed to find a girl without a sexual past, and that's not really what I was even looking for. I think I was just more surprised that she had dated that many people. As I mentioned before we have been good friends for awhile and based on past information I would have guessed she had done that with four or five guys. I know basing my assumptions on a number (that's not even sex) is crazy, and at this point it does feel a bit like punching myself in the face ](*,)

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Care to elaborate?

 

Sex is not something that you give someone else, it shouldn't be used as a reward for good behaviour. That cheapens both partners involved and cheapens sex itself.

 

The idea of girls "putting out" or "giving it up" is something that I hope dies with my generation.

 

Guys shouldn't be rewarded like dogs for sex. Women should be allowed to enjoy sex in our society and not simply use it to leash men. And sex should be an act between two people, not one person giving up to another.

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Sex is not something that you give someone else, it shouldn't be used as a reward for good behaviour. That cheapens both partners involved and cheapens sex itself.

 

The idea of girls "putting out" or "giving it up" is something that I hope dies with my generation.

 

Guys shouldn't be rewarded like dogs for sex. Women should be allowed to enjoy sex in our society and not simply use it to leash men. And sex should be an act between two people, not one person giving up to another.

 

I don't think that's what she meant by obligated at all. She admitted she was young and insecure and that she was tired of being called a prude so if she wasn't going to have sex at least oral sex was something she could do with her boyfriend and feel comfortable with it.

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