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Getting sucked back in..


jaykay

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What do you make of this...

 

I went NC with my ex back in February. I was getting over her and didn’t break NC until last week.

 

Last week, I got a call explaining that my child had been taken to hospital and needed an operation, so I rushed to the hospital and I was faced with my ex and our child (this was the first time that I had seen her for almost 5 months – I see our child every weekend tho) - she didn’t look as good as I imagined she would - during NC I must have built up an image of her being a princess or something.

 

We spoke only about our child and the operation, It turned out that he was fine and we agreed to take him out a few days later together to a fun fair. It was a nice day and we all had fun, my ex even wanted to see me again, I’m now really confused and almost wish that I hadn’t met her.

 

On one hand it feels nice for our child to see us together but on the other I feel that I am back to square 1. I feel that there were questions that we both didn’t want to know the answers to.

 

In short I do not want to her friend and I don't know exactly how I feel. I think that I may have preferred it when we had no contact because I knew where I stood and it felt easy not knowing anything about her. I'm now feeling pretty confused. I want to know how to find out about her intentions without making it too obvious and without making it seem as though I care.

 

 

She probably does not even want to get back with me but she has sent me sms and called me loads over the past week.

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I don't think this counts as breaking NC. You did what you had to do. What any good person would have done. Breaking NC actually means not resisting the urge to stay out of touch. You clearly managed to stay out of contact for 5 months and would have continued that way had the unfortunate incident not happened. So I think you are not back to square one.

 

Now as for your feelings for her. I think you had somehow managed to 'fall out of love' with her over the past 5 months, if I may call it that. You didn't feel like you were missing something by not being in a relationship with her. But now that you are back in touch with her, that little trace of feeling that was still left in your mind is making its presence felt. Result? You are confused about what you exactly want.

 

For now, I think you can just take it easy. Make sure you both are clear on one thing. Whatever contact you two are having right now is JUST because that is the right thing to do from the point of view of your kid. Your feelings towards each other are secondary. So you can continue being in touch and personally I think that is the best thing to do, considering the child and his perspective. Nothing will help the kid better than having both parents available as often as possible.

 

Later on, I think maybe a few weeks down the line or so, you will have more clarity on your feelings. You will realize for sure which way you want things to go. Whether you want to get back with her or whether you want to have a purely cordial relationship that is held in place simply because of the child. Once you have clarity on that front, I don't think you will have a problem. Also, in the meantime if you both realize that the problems that caused you both to separate are not there anymore and there are no other issues either, then you may even consider getting back together, if you find the attraction still there. But cross that bridge when you get to it.

 

As of now, meet her and contact her only for the kids sake. Let your feelings take their own course.

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