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How do I help my daughter who's been excluded by her friends


Beany

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My daughter is II and has always been part of the same group of 7 friends. She is going to a different school from them and this has been really hard for her but she has looked forward to their end of year camp out and group photo. Last week the rest of her friends got together and told her there was no room for her in their tent and that she couldn't be part of the photo.

 

She has never had a `best friend' and has always been desperate for one - and she has been kept on the periphery of the group in the past (we have often wished she would look elsewhere but she has been fiercely loyal to this group)

 

she is devastated, how do I help her????

 

Please any advice - how do I stop her taking this rejection into her next school?

 

 

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That's tough for her to deal with. Rejection is painful at any age. Years 6 and 7 can be difficult times for girls, there is a lot of change going on and often a lot of drama created.

 

I'd try and get her to focus on making a fresh start. Explain that friends come and go, remind her how she made good friends before and will make good friends again. Encourage her to try out new activities where she can meet lots of new people. Does she know anyone going to the school she is attending? Perhaps she could invite some over during the holidays, before term starts.

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I really sympathise as I have been in simular situations to your daughter when I was younger, it's tough. All I can say that as a mother I would really try to pursuade her that these girls are not her real friends. The whole pack mentality thing that young girls adopt can be very detrimental to a young ego. A book I really recommend is called 'odd girl out' by rachel simmons which is all about the psychology behind female aggression in young girls and how they and why they do it and how to prevent becoming a victim of it, it's terribly interesting, reading that would give you better insight and perhaps give you some ideas on how to help your daughter. But for the meanwhile I would encourage her to make new friends, perhaps you could send her to some sort of activities group where she can make friends her own age who share the same interests. Maybe you could encourage her to make friends with boys too as they are often a lot less spiteful and nasty than girls at that age. I would try to cheer her up too, if you have any friends who have children her age perhaps you could invite them all round for lunch or something and see if your child gets along with them. Remind her that she is so much better than them and that she shouldn't feel bad because what they have done just shows that they aren't worthy of her friendship, she is the bigger person. Maybe do something she loves doing together like baking a cake, try and have a fun day with her to lift her spirits. My mum always did that with me when I was sad and it made a hell of a lot of difference, she taught me how to never really let those 'mean girls' get to me.

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