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How do you know when you can be more than friends?


VtecQueen

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I've talked to this guy for a while now, we have shared everything together. If I'm ever in a crunch he is there for me and whenever he needs me I'm there for him. I'm not afraid to tell him how I feel and we've had an argument where it was his choice to stop talking to me or get right, and he chose to get right because "that's what I deserve".

 

I've expressed that I have feelings for him, and he acts as if he has feelings for me, but maybe he needs more time because he "doesn't know what to say" when I expressed that (I caught him off guard with it too, which didn't help lol).

 

I know we make really good friends, when we are together we have a great time, we are close and share everything, he's told me things no one else knows and comes to me when he has issues with his family. How do I know if there is a possibility for us to be more than friends? we have had a few more than friend make out sessions.....friends don't kiss. But nothing else seems to be happening. I don't know where this is going at all!!!!

 

I don't want to rush things, best relationships come with time. But should I cut my feelings off? Is this not going anywhere??

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You say he "acts as if he has feelings" for you...what kinds of things does he do/say that make you feel that way?
He calls me everyday, and we stay on the phone sometimes to 2+ o'clock in the morning, we text all day everyday, if I go a day without texting him he'll get mad, my car broke down and he showed up and got my car towed an hour away to my house, when I go out he always somewhat drills me about talking to other guys, when he's out he will text me the whole time and/or call me, when we hang out with mutual friends we flirt very hard and very touchy feely. This one guy wanted my phone number but thought I was his girlfriend lol.

 

to me that's grounds for liking. I don't have any friends that I talk to like that.

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So when you tell him that you have feelings for him he doesn't know what to say?

 

But when you make out with him he has no trouble with that part?

 

The thing is, and what he maybe isn't yet realizing... and probably why he doesn't know what to say... is that by crossing the line and making out with you (as you said, friends don't kiss), you are already risking the friendship really and taking a step further.

 

What he is doing is hesitating. He is probably scared, or unsure of his feelings, which makes sense. Making the jump from friendship to more can be scary. The risk for both of you is that you lose the friendship. The risk on your end is that he does not feel the same way as you.

 

If he acts as though he does have feelings for you, and if you feel that he does, that is good. The only way to know how he is feeling is to ask him and to tell him how you feel. If he needs space or isn't ready, then you have your answer.

 

Have you been actively pursuing things with him? Or just waiting and hoping for things to change and that is why you are wondering if you should cut things off?

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to me that's grounds for liking. I don't have any friends that I talk to like that.

 

I agree, it seems to go beyond the boundaries of a "friendship."

 

When you expressed your feelings toward him, did you pay attention to his nonverbal/body language? Did he seem uncomfortable, or just at a loss for words (since he claims he doesn't know what to say)?

 

I'd maybe cut back a little on the amount of communication you have with him--take longer to respond to his texts, don't answer when he calls at first (and just call back later). Stop making out with him altogether. If he questions you about it, explain again how you're feeling about him, and that you're confused as to how he feels because he sends one message through his behavior, yet doesn't reciprocate those feelings when you express them. If you feel this way for him, and he doesn't feel it back, it's probably not the best idea to talk and interact as much as you are. And if he does feel the same, then the cutting back in communication will signal to him that something's up (i.e., you being confused about this) and will probably get him talking finally.

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Personally, I think he is not ready, cuz if he was wouldn't he have done something shortly after I told him I liked him? If I guy wants you to be his girlfriend, he won't let you get away right? Well I told him I liked him a good 1.5 months ago I'd say. We were sitting on his bed and he was looking through my phone (yeah he does that and goes jokingly"oh so your talking to your boyfriend Jim") When I told him he repeats me "you like me?" and I go "yeeeees" I can't say I remember his body language, but if anything we started talking a lot more. All before I grew feelings, we only talked randomly.

 

I will joke around with him "only wanting my skittles" and he says he's not like that, blah blah, that's not true. We have said before that "friends don't kiss" but it's happened at least twice after saying that lol.

 

If he doesn't have feelings for me, I can still be his friend. But it would be better for me if he told me how he felt instead of ignoring it and going about his dating business. Ya know? Am I making sense here? lol Cause I'm so confused about it all. I've asked him to be straight up with me, and he was, but he conveniently skipped over the 'do you like me' part.

 

I know he is the type of person that wants to provide for a woman. Right now he's under a lot of financial stress and can't do the things he wants to do. I totally understand him and he knows I understand. Maybe he's waiting until he gets over that hump in life, or maybe he doesn't like me. Any time I bring it up he doesn't say anything about it, I don't want to keep bringing it up.

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If he doesn't have feelings for me, I can still be his friend. But it would be better for me if he told me how he felt instead of ignoring it and going about his dating business. Ya know? Am I making sense here? lol Cause I'm so confused about it all. I've asked him to be straight up with me, and he was, but he conveniently skipped over the 'do you like me' part.

 

 

Are you sure you can be just friends if he decides he doesn't want to be with you? I only ask this because I've been down this road before myself (as have many others who post here), and the success rate is slim.

Maybe in his mind nothing needs to change and you guys already are how you need to be - just friends. Yet you keep feeling frustrated and like something needs to change and go further because you truly aren't happy being "just friends". And the real question then is - can the nature of your relationship take a step back to the point where he no longer asks about other guys you talk to, or looks through your phone, or kisses you?

 

So yes, you are definitely making sense, and wanting to know his feelings is very natural. It just seems that instead of talking to you about it, he is acting possessive of you without openly and fully committing. He is keeping you on the back burner in a sense.

 

Does he go out with other girls?

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Hmmmm

 

He goes out with friends a lot or he will go out by himself. He has a few other female friends who also have boyfriends and he goes out with them. He's invited me out with them twice, but both times I was already out with my friends. Me and him haven't hung out in a while tho, whenever he wants to hang its always random and I'm already out. When I want to hang out he's already out. There is a good hour distance between us too to boot.

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So basically... no, he doesn't go out romantically with other girls, on dates. And no, he doesn't make out with other girls?

 

And yes, he is jealous of the idea of you being that way with any other guys?

 

My guess is that yes, there are feelings there... but feelings don't always mean someone is ready to take the next step of course, if they are scared.

 

Why not try to make an effort to hang out with him more one on one... in less of a buddy-buddy way and more of a date way? He seems stalled in neutral.

And yes, if a guy really likes you of course he won't want you to get away... .but that doesn't mean all guys are experts at what move to make and how to pursue. They can clam up just like we can and they can have doubts just like we can as well. It is nice that you let him know how you feel.... you just need to talk to him more and possibly give him more time to get to how he feels.

 

Either that or completely cut contact and sure, there is a chance he'll come-a-runnin' ...but there is also a chance that you'll lose a friend for nothing.

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5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – ...
5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – Spotting A True Friend

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