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fracas

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My GF and I have a great sex life, except for one thing - I can rarely bring myself to go down on her. The other girls that I've been with were seldom so unpleasant, but the taste and odor from her is literally unbearable, like when it's at its worst if she's wearing a skirt I can smell her if I'm standing beside her. It's not always so bad, and sometimes (rarely) it's fine. Early in our relationship, she would complain about how I didn't do it enough, and I decided it waas best to be honest and as politely as I could I told her that I just could not do it because the smell and taste were too strong. Thinking it was a reasonable request, I suggested that maybe we could try bathing together before sex to make it less overpowering.

She seemed open to the idea and it worked well for a while, but now she acts as if we never had the discussion. She's been to the doctor and has had issues with bacterial infections, etc. that could lead to this, and the doctor suggested things she could do with her diet, etc. to help, but she seems unwilling to do those things and instead wants me to just "deal with it" and force myself to go down on her despite the fact that I sometimes get physically ill when my face gets anywhere near it.

Is it unreasonable for me to think that the best solution is for her to follow the doctor's suggestions and not for me to just deal with it??? The way I see it, as things are, if I don't go down on her then we both enjoy sex, though not as much as we could, but if I do, then only she enjoys it. She's not the only one affected by this because it's something that I love to do - but not when I feel like I'm getting nauseated.

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Medication helps, but it's more of a fix once the problem is already there. The diet option is more of a preventive measure to keep it from happening at all. When she takes the meds we can't have sex for days and that makes me useless in everyday life because I get backed up.

 

The panty material thing is something we've already discussed. She does wear cotton more often than other materials, but normally goes without.

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This situation seems exactly like mine when I was with my gf in college. I love to go down on women but she was just really, um, to put it nicely, unpleasant down there. A year after we've been dating one day she brought up why I don't go down on her anymore. She even asked if I wanted her to douche. Well, what the hell was going to say? I couldn't say yes, you really taste awful. That would be too hurtful. So I just said "no, I just don't really like going down on women and that it has nothing to do with you".

 

I just left it at that. And never went down on her the last year and a half of our relationship. Good luck with your situation fracas.

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wow... to smell it when your standing behind her? gaross!!!

 

i would think if she wants you to peform oral sex on her and she knows this odor is a problem.... she should be willing to do anything she can to make you comfortable..... otherwise you have every right to say no. i know i would be super self conscious if i were here....

 

i hear eating celery helps a woman's juices taste and smell good......

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All women have a distinct odor down there, some just stronger than others. Douching is actually worse for you. Also using soap will make it sting, at least it does mine so I prefer to just use my body wash and clean not only the outer region but inside too...right before shaving. Maybe she needs to be more thorough when she washes.

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She washes with soap or body wash. We shower together, so I often wash her all over, ostensibly as a sign of affection or to arouse her, but she doesn't realize that I'm really just trying to make sure she's clean enough.

And no, never have I met anyone with such an odor problem. All of the others were fine and at worst would only occasionally have an objecionable smell/taste, though rarely this bad.

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Another tidbit to add...if she has alot of hair there, she should shave it. Hair traps odors, so any unpleasant smells will be trapped in her hair and make it smell worse.

 

definitely have her shave and then it will easier to clean better there.

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I work outside all day. Sometimes, I feel like I can smell myself (sorry if that's gross, but when you sweat outside all day, it happens). Or if I go to the bathroom, i can smell it just sitting there. That's when I know it's time for a shower. But never would I let anywhere near it knowing even i can smell it. You aren't immune to your own smells. I don't see how you can't notice it.

 

I wash with a "feminine wash"--it's made specially for woman parts. It helps a lot. Perhaps buy her some of that and leave it in the shower or suggest she use it?

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She washes with soap or body wash. We shower together, so I often wash her all over, ostensibly as a sign of affection or to arouse her, but she doesn't realize that I'm really just trying to make sure she's clean enough.

And no, never have I met anyone with such an odor problem. All of the others were fine and at worst would only occasionally have an objecionable smell/taste, though rarely this bad.

 

Something I learned from ENA is that you're not actually supposed to use soap down there.

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Sounds like she does have some type of imbalance going on. Jeez, you would think that the advice the Dr. gave her would make her realize that it truly is a REAL problem and not something YOU should have to just "deal with"!

 

I've heard eating yogurt with active cultures can help that situation. Does she not like yogurt? Also, sounds like she should maybe try some of the over the counter preparations (non-medicated) to get her pH balanced, down below...

 

You poor thing! I would be absolutely mortified if I didn't smell very good... Sounds as though she really doesn't care about your feelings on the matter at all. I think it's time for an ultimatum. Either she does something about it or no more licketysplit!

 

I don't understand how you can even bear having regular sex with her if she stinks...yuck.

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How do you get on outside of the bedroom? If the relationship's good and you love her, it'd be a shame to bin it because of this. My ex didn't like going down. He said so early on and I didn't pressure on him, but it did irritate me a little (he liked me going down on him, blah, blah!) and our sex life, from my point of view, was pretty boring. I'd tell her straight you're not doing it anymore with things as they stand, and stick to it. The ball's in her court then. She can either sort it out and get what she wants, or not. I'm not a doctor though - hey, maybe there is nothing she can do - but I wouldn't do something that made me want to hurl, and she shouldn't be pressuring you to.

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I would think that if she keeps the area washed and not necessarily shaved, but trimmed..it might help? Also drinking a lot more water and eating more fruits and vegetables? I don't really know. It's tough because there isn't very much that we can do to change the natural scent in that area; everyone's different. I understand that you would like for her to make an effort though..

there must be something that can help I imagine that she feels self-conscious about it as well.

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I work outside all day. Sometimes, I feel like I can smell myself (sorry if that's gross, but when you sweat outside all day, it happens). Or if I go to the bathroom, i can smell it just sitting there. That's when I know it's time for a shower. But never would I let anywhere near it knowing even i can smell it. You aren't immune to your own smells. I don't see how you can't notice it.

 

I wash with a "feminine wash"--it's made specially for woman parts. It helps a lot. Perhaps buy her some of that and leave it in the shower or suggest she use it?

 

Yeah, I can smell myself sometimes too, but I'm pretty sensitive to smells. My ex didn't have bad personal hygiene, but I'd sometimes be able to smell her too.

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This situation seems exactly like mine when I was with my gf in college. I love to go down on women but she was just really, um, to put it nicely, unpleasant down there. A year after we've been dating one day she brought up why I don't go down on her anymore. She even asked if I wanted her to douche. Well, what the hell was going to say? I couldn't say yes, you really taste awful. That would be too hurtful. So I just said "no, I just don't really like going down on women and that it has nothing to do with you".

 

I just left it at that. And never went down on her the last year and a half of our relationship. Good luck with your situation fracas.

 

Don't suggest that she douche....women should NEVER douche.

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I don't think that it's fair of her to say that you should just "deal with it". The problem is within herself, why is she making things the other way around? Clearly, if she wants your sex life to improve and for you to enjoy it more - she has to do her fair share of work. I would tell her that she has to do something to make it better, or you will no longer go down on her. Sure, it may sound rude, but this is clearly what she is expecting of you. Give her a dose of her own medicine and hopefully it'll work. If she still refuses to do anything about the situation, I would reconsider the whole relationship all together. It may seem ok right now, but how can will you be able to tolerate it?

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Something I learned from ENA is that you're not actually supposed to use soap down there.

 

Not true. A woman can wash with soap and water even inside the labia majora, she just needs to make sure not to let the soap sit. Immediate rinse.

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