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Men... What is this guy after anyway? I'm so confused


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I'd really appreciate a man's point of view on this.


No offense, ladies, but I REALLY NEED a MALE point of view on this.


I met this guy many months ago.. Didn't do anything but chat a bit, as he was hanging out with other people, but a couple of months back, he invited me to come hang out with him.


We went out to another club later that night and we exchanged numbers.


At that point, he mentioned wanting to come over my house and even seemed like he wanted to kiss me good night, but was feeling horrible, as I had pulled a muscle in my side earlier that week and was in major pain....so.. a romantic evening I just couldn't do that evening....


ANyway.. I saw him again about many 2 weeks later, and we hung out again. He asked again to come over to my place and I said, sure, why not?


well, he ALWAYS calls me so late in the evening.. this nite it was about 11:30 and I didn't even take a shower befroe I went down to meet him at this club we both go to sometimes.


It's a nice club.. it's not really just a bar per se, they play live music, so cool place to hang.. They only serve beer though so you cannot order wine or a cocktail there, something I prefer to beer.


Okay.. so he comes over.. it's wicked late by †he time we get back to my place, and after about 1 hour of him being there, I'm about barely able to keep my eyelids open.


I suggested we go lie down, as I could put a DVD in my computer and watch some movies in the bed, as opposed to the limited tv stations in my LR on my couch.. He didn't want to though.


Finally I just HAD to go to sleep, it was like 4 or 5 AM in the morning...


He didn't make one move on me all night, which maybe was good...


Earlier in the evening he had said he was dating some girl... she was married.. or seperated and also dating some black guy... whatever..


So.. that was probably the reason I never got a call from him after I gave him my number.


He left super early in the morning.. Gave me a hug goodbye but that was the extent of the physical contact.


Okay... almost 2 months later, get a call from the same guy.. it's about 12:30 am now.. I'm at the club we often see each other at, but it's ridiculously boring... some kind of DJ nite, no live band and I'm about to head home anyway.


Anyway, he asks if i'd like to hang out wiht him again... Sure, I am actually wicked glad he called as I was bored out of my skull and he said he was bored where he was at too.


Okay.. so he comes down to the club where i'm at and we hang out again for about an hour.. then we go eat something in a late night diner.. then we go on to my house...


It's rather late again, about 2:30 am.. and he seems to be able †ø stay up til 5 am talking (starting to wonder if this guy is NOT on something, that he can stay up so late).

He said he had a cocktail or 2 at the bar he was at earlier... I'd be dead in the water by 2 am if I'd had 2 cocktails and it was 2 am.. but I'm a lightweight when it comes to drinking...

I'd had ONE beer the whole evening... anyway.. we are talking for awhile, but I'm starting to get really sleepy..


I'm trying to be a good host.. we have a rum & coke once we got to my place, but after a late night, and a couple of drinks, I'm needing some rest.


I'm barely conscious.. have you ever tried to stay awake and listen to someone you really liked and found attractive but kept falling asleep??


-k well, it's rather embarassing to say the least.. He was telling me all these clubs he'd visited earlier in the evening.


One of them used to be my favorite club but the bartenders there were not friendly so I stopped going there... Used to be my favorite haunt..


How I just wish he'd invited ME out sometime to go club-hopping with him!


And we did go to sleep eventually. it was like 4:30 am.. he made some comment (sort in a joking manner) about getting naked and climbing underneath the covers, but by then.. I was SO TIRED.. i could get up the energy for a make-out session, let alone sex.


Let me tell you, he's really attractive guy.. but he's never made a SINGLE move on me.. and i'm really getting fed up by it..


He tells me that he goes to these clubs.. most of the patrons are black and these black women act very flirty towards the white guys I guess.


We are both white.. but yet, he wants to come to my house, sleep over, in MY BED, and cannot even try to hold my hand!


What is up with this guy???


Is he just using my place as a flop house? Is he TOO shy to get up the nerve to try to put his arm around me or what???


I mean..at least this time he didn't act so aloof but he didn't even put a hand on me all nite..


It's just WEIRD! Sleeping with a guy who's got no romantic intentions towards you!


And two, he's rather wasting my time, the next day I'm ALWAYS exhausted!


Cuz he makes me stay up all nite listening to him TALK!


I mean, if I'm with a hot looking guy.. i sure don't want to stay up all nite TALKING.. I want to be doing somethign else!


I do know that this girl he was dating was into drug.... crack cocaine, and that makes me nervous.


Part of me wonders if he's just casing out my house for his crack gf! I mean, honestly,why INSIST you come to a girl's house and stay the nite if you don't play on ANYTHING romantic at all?


I want to say SOMETHING! I mean I like him, he's good company.. but this is getting OLD!


But, I don't want to lose his friendship either.. I mean it's NICE to hang out with him, but this coming over my house, what is the POINT of this anyway???


Or, maybe he's just getting vibes I'm not interested.. since, by god, he calls so late, i'm about half-comatose by the time we get together!


But he's got my phone number, I always call the next day after he's come over to see he got home ok, but he never bothers to answer my calls!

I don't know. but i'm so damn tired of this town!](*,)


There's no one to go out with around here, let alone someone nice looking....


I finally meet a good looking guy who's good company, and he is treating me like I'm one of his male buddies for god's sake.


Guys, what do I say without destroying the whole friendship?


I would like to mention to him, I don't feel comfortable sleeping with someone who's possible dating a crack addict! I mean, really! Everyone I know who's known a drug addict has been ripped off by one!


I feel like he's not only disrespecting me, but putting my property and welfare in jeopardy!

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Next time he suggests a late-night hangout at your place, why not say something like: "Firstname, you're a terrific guy and I'd like to get to know you better. But you keep asking to hang out at ridiculously late hours when I'm exhausted and not good company. That's not working for me. Why don't you call me earlier in the evening next time, or actually plan a date with me? I'd love to do that, but right now I need my sleep."

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If he is not answering your calls when you call him back the next day it is probably because he sleeps during the day (which would explain his ability to stay up all night club-hopping).


I would suggest sitting him down and talking to him seriously. Ask him what his intentions are when hanging out with you and if he ever intends to take it farther than friendship. Also explain (in a calm fashion) that you seem to sleep earlier than he does and can't stay up late with him like he wants you to. If he is truly a friend, then he will understand and not freak out. If he gets freaked out by a little conversation like that, then maybe he shouldn't be crashing at your place all the time.


Honestly, the best thing I can suggest to you, would just be to sit him down and have a serious discussion with him.

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just a question - when he asks you to meet up so late, why haven't you ever just said, "Thanks for the invite, but i am just too tired. i'd rather we meet up sometime during the day, maybe this weekend for lunch or dinner?" and see what he says. i don't see why you are going along with these late night get togethers.

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He lives pretty far away Annie.. like 2 counties away so only comes up to my county on the weekends.. but really, if he was a real "friend" for god's sake, just answer a simple phone call.


It was rather awkward this weekend, as I had not heard from him in almost 2 months!


I think you are right, that's a great suggestion.


I could even text message him that.. would that be too outrageous?


But, truly, I'm very concerned bout his associations with all these people who are on drugs. I don't do drugs.. i actually met and dated a guy once who turned out to be a drug addict, (didn't know it at the time, cuz he never bothered to tell me).


I had to go out of town once, and came back and half my stuff was missing!


He'd stolen it all... and the police never bothered to arrest him either, even though he actually turned himself into the law, so he wouldn't go break into someone else's house and get shot!


So.. our police force sure AIN'T good about taking care of criminals...


Yeah.> I should of NEVER invited him over.. bad move.. I may just put out the word for my neighbor's to watch my place.. we sort of watch over each other's place.

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He is ether using you for a place to stay when he is far from home, or would like to be using you for sex but is waiting for you to make a move. If you are into him and have him alone at your house why haven't you tired to kiss him? He could be waiting for that. But ether way I wouldn't assume he wanted anything more. He doesn't seem like he is that into you.

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Pick one or more:


1. He only wants to be friends.

2. He's using you for a place to crash.

3. He might want more, but after a long night of booze and drugs he can't focus or perform, so he stays up and talks until the high wears off, as you seem to be willing to do whatever he wants.

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I wonder why you think men would have the answer on this one and that the ladies would have nothing valuable to contribute? I won't throw in my 2 cents since I'm a woman, but maybe you can learn to trust your "girly" instincts and "feminine intuition". Guys are just people. No more all-knowing than us Goddesses

It is my humble opinion that when we put the opposite sex on a pedestal in that way, it distorts our reality (in particular with dating and relationships).

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women are not goddesses, but I no more know why men think the way they do, than men know why us women think the way we do!


I really need a MALE's Point of view...there's no need to be abrasive about it savignon.


I tend to agree with richpart's point of view... maybe he'd "liked" to get romantic but is so drunk by the time we get together, things are not functioning right!

He DID seem to want to kiss me that one night when he suggested we go back to my place, but I turned him down.


Now.. i think I may just say to him.. "well, if you are dating other women, you coming over my house and then SLEEPING at my house, doesn't seem a prudent thing to do...


Girls DO get jealous, and I don't want to the brunt of some other woman's jealousy! Especially one on drugs, and see what he says....."


That way, it puts a stop to the late night session of the constant gab session, I can get a decent nite's sleep for once, after seeing him, and he's getting the notion I'm NOT into dating a guy who's with ALOT of other women.


I need to set up some barriers with this guy, you're right on that one, Annie!

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I meant to suggest that you have some good instincts and have thanked some of the women contributors, too. I don't think what I wrote was abrasive at all...just saying not all men think alike just as not all women think alike.

Best wishes with your situation.

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yeah, but if my instincts were so great, I'd KNOW what to do!


I just cannot figure out what this guy wants! Maybe he IS too drunk to function, but wants more.. or maybe * he just views me as a place to crash.


It seems like he drinks ALOT.. I sure couldn't function as well as him, considering all what he's intaked, from what he tells me.. I'd be asleep in the corner somewhere.. which makes me wonder...


IF he's not taking some other kind of drug as well, even alcoholics, get tired and sleepy from all that they are drinking...


I'm wondering if he's not on some kind of speed or cocaine drug as well, otherwise how can you stay UP to like 5 am talking if you've been drinking all nite long???


That I just cannot figure out!

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Why can't you make a move? I mean, I don't know diddly squat, especially how a HOT guy thinks. They think differently from how I do. Make a move and see what happens? It can't be that hard? Or is there some secret law that women can't make the first move?

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TY for your reply symbolic!


There's no secret law, but seeing as how he's treated me so far (doesn't call me hardly ever, only calls me late at nite, etc) I sort of feel rejected enough by this guy.


Plus, too he's ALWAYS talking about his ex's... or whom he's dated recently!

What does he think I am ANYWAY??? another guy just to use as a sounding board.


if I sound frustrated and a bit angry, it's cuz I AM.. Geez, I met this guy late last year, and NOTHING has come of it! So .. you wonder why I DO NOT want to make the first move??


I don't want to make an idiot of myself, to a guy who seems so smitten with himself...I'm SURE he's got all these girls falling all over him.... at least from his stories he seems to....




I mean, besides, from being "tacky" it's also rather insulting, seeing as how he's not shown ME any romantic interest!

I mean, this weekend, he was going on about all these clubs he'd visited before calling me late in the evening..

One of them used to be FAVE club and I'd have given my EYE teeth to go there.


He also came to our town July 4th and saw the fireworks! I, on the other hand, had to go out ALL by MYSELF on July 4th..


What.. I don't rate to even view the fireworks with??? I mean, he's sending out alot of mixed messages to me.. or rather to my minds' eye, messages that he simply doesn't give a fig about me... so.. i'm not about to put myself in a position to be even more rejected.....


I mean, he's friendly to me, but that's about the extent of it..


Who knows.. maybe he DOES like me.. I mean that's a weird thing to do.. insist you come to a girl's house, and then want to sleep in her bed, yet you don't even try to hold hand all nite long.


Could anyone THIS good-looking possibly be THIS shy?? I don't know... I've had a few times wondered too, if he wasn't gay.. just by some of his reactions and gestures on things....

Just a gut reaction, but you know.. your instincts usually don't lie...


But he makes me feel like I'm not attractive at all the way he treats me, so I'm really NOT inclined to do ANYTHING vaguely romantic toward him considering our past history.


I mean, why cannot HE be a MAN, and ask me out on a proper date?


I'm starting to feel like I'm nothing but a flop house for him, after he's downed too much liquor to drive himself home safely.

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Just read this message as I've been offline for a few days.


I did call him later last nite.. after 10 pm or so...


To my surprise, I see he called me back only an hour later.. several times.


Didn't have my phone with me, so I missed his call, but he called me again much later..


We talked and I said.. geez. if you wanna hang out, please try call me earlier. He didn't seem put out by this..

We'll see.... if he just wants to be friends, that's okay, but I don't want to stay up all nite entertaining someone in my home who only wants to be casual friends. That makes no sense.


I did met another guy earlier this week. He was pretty nice to me, personable and we hung out for a few hours,


So... it seems I'm not THAT unattractive that other guys wouldn't be interested..


I think you guys are right.. I need to stop being so accessible to these type of guys... I'm only encouraging their bad and not altogether respectful behavior.. Thanks

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He would call me LONG before we had even STARTED hanging out at my house.


If his intent was ONLY a place to stay.. after I turned him down for him suggesting we go to my house (I didn't turn him down for a kiss, but sort of "felt" like he wanted to kiss me...) then he wouldn't have bothered to contact me again....


Anyway.. There's so FEW friendly people around here, I'm not really keen on "telling him off"... I just don't want to stay up til all hours of the morning with him "chatting away", while I'm about to fall over in a dead faint... hehe


We'll see what happens.. but really honestly, I'm very tired of the people in this town and region.. They rarely EVER call you, even if you've known them for years and you've done THEM countless favors.


I just got a call from this friend of mine I'd known for years.. well, we used to hang out together.. he was my friend's new roommate, and once my friend got a steady gf, we started hanging out together...


Well, I've done this guy SO MANY FAVORS.... and now the only reason he calls is to tell me when his band is playing somewhere so I can be another head (and money) at the door to boost his band's popularity.


This hurts me greatly, as I really liked his roommate.. my original friend.... that friendship kind of got wrecked after his stupid roommate had this crazy pyscho gf, whom threatened me and everyone else....


I ended up moving out of a town I had really liked, b/c she kept showing up EVERYWHERE.. and it was getting spooky just to go to the grocery store!


So.. i dunno. .in hindsight, and comparatively speaking, this guy has been a kind of a nice person to hang out with.. He doesn't really expect anything out of me... just wants to hang out....

I'm sure we'd still hang out together if I said he couldn't come over....


Those other guy with the weird girlfriend was totally a user.. well, he used lots of strange prescription drugs too, so maybe that explains alot..


I think he's nervy and nosey and overall, I had alot of problems due to him and his nutjob gf!


At least he's not expecting me to drive him everywhere after he gets drunk! That's what my other "friend" would always want me to do.. since he got a DUI, and had lost his ability to drive after dark!


I should just view this hot guy as a friend and start looking for other places to find a cool guy to date....

That would be the smartest thing probably.. and if things did go the other way.. well c'est la vie.. that might be cool too.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Oh, this guy is SUCH a JERK!


I called him about 2 1/2 weeks ago... never heard a WORD back from him.. He had called ME, a few days before... so I thought.. why not call him?


So... late in the morning.. like a hour before dawn, this weekend, get this stupid text message from him.. "I'll send you risque photos of me, if you send me some!


I mean.. what the hell does this guy think he is?



This is all bullcrap!


I thought, enough is enough, after I got the text I wrote back, later that day.. "oh, you sure you meant this text for ME???? Seems like it was intended for some other chick!! And why can you NEVER bother to return my calls either?"


Let him stew in his own juices... the next text I send is to tell me to LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!


I can just imagine if I was out on a date with some guy I'd gotten romantic with, and he'd seen that text message from that guy!


I'm rapidly losing all faith whatsoever in this stupid guy....


He's a lousy friend, forget the dating thing.. I don't even WANT to anymore.. he's just proven what a low-life he is...


I mean, it would of been one thing, if he sent that text, as a joke, after we hung out together recently.. but to send a dirty text message to me in the dead of night when I've not heard from him in weeks!


What crap!!

Let him give someone else the runaround! I'm so angry!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well..now I am even more confused but we have gotten together TWICE in the last weeks since i wrote this post.


Apparently he DID intend that text for me...


In fact we were talking about it briefly, after he came over to just hang out.. (I told him I had an early morning and couldn;t have him stay all nite.


I think I am not really on that shakey ground... I mean.. geez.. if all I was to him was a flop house, then he wouldn;t be coming over, knowing he couldnt; be allowed to stay the whole night.


Twice now he;s just come by to see me, and we hang out and watch DVDs or tv... he;s not staying that long, but gosh it IS nice to have a cool friend, especially one SO good LOOKING!

He actually even complimented me on something I was wearing the other night... so that was sweet..

He;s really a sweet guy.. I could be alot worse off I guess...

So.. I;m not sure where this is going... IF it is going anywhere..


He seems to be on the SHY side in some respects.. he stills lives at home.. (I know that seems a little different, but trust, I;ve had alot of friends in their 30s and 40s who STILL lived in their parents home, cuz shoot, RENT is HIGH around here...


I;m sure his family home is a nice place.. that would not be my cup of tea, to never have left home but maybe there is extenuating circumstances I do not know about...

Anyway.. he;s employed, treats me nicely... so having a nice friend, sure beats having a dirt bag guy who;s always trying to get down your pants..

I DO have a sort of FRIEND, if you want to call him that, who acts like that...


It is SO annoying...

Anyway.. I need to do some editing...

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Has he made a move yet?

Are you flattered by the text now that you realize it was for you? (You originally seemed offended)

Anyways, it seems like you have shed a better light on him and are feeling better about this. Do you get to talk to him a lot about his home life, past, etc? Those would be good signs that you're developing a nice friendship or more.

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oops, the power just went out.


well, he has NOT made a move but seems alot more friendly to me this past week.

I didn't have him stay over time, yeah, he came to see me twice this past week, and just left a couple of hours after he got here..


He even gave me a compliment on what I was wearing (it was like a tube top) which he has never done.


Maybe he is done dating that other girl.... I am NOT sure where I stand with him, but he is sure pleasant to be around.. so either way.. I feel MUCH better about things..


He is sure a nice friend to have come by... and it sure does NOT hurt to have such a good looking friend too.


can you tell that I AM attracted??? LOL


well, I did NOT know until now that he still lived at home..

He just said there was not anyone he has found yet he would want to move in with..

now, I KNOW I am PICKY as hell, maybe he is the same way..


See where it gets ya? You end up living at home til you are 40! lol


well, I know it is expensive to rent ANYTHING in our area..

I do know where he lives.. sort of a redneck, not real cosmopolitan type of place, though it is pretty there... there are some rich people who live in the area, but his family has been there for generations apparently so I guess that is part of his make-up.. They are homebodies...


Well, I am NOT sure what to do or how to act, other than to keep being friendly..

I mean, he certainly has been NICE to me, which I have to say I appreciate alot cuz most of the people in our area are so rude, really....

He even left me a little present which was sweet...

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Anyway.. he;s employed, treats me nicely... so having a nice friend, sure beats having a dirt bag guy who;s always trying to get down your pants..

I DO have a sort of FRIEND, if you want to call him that, who acts like that...


actually, i think he's rather sleazy for asking for sexy photos from you. my male friends don't do that. and this guy isn't even your boyfriend, nor has he taken you on a proper date, but he wants you to show him his goodies?? blah!!! what a creep. and you are putting up with this. i really hope you haven't sent him any photos.

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