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Should I go out for dinner with an ex-boyfriend?


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I'm thinking about going back with a guy a broke up with a few months ago. It wasn't an ugly breakup but wasn't exactly pleasant either. He was just too cocky and stubborn for me. Had not seen or heard from him in a long time until last weekend when he called me on his cell. At first I didn't think it could be him even though the caller ID said so. I had never heard him sound like that. He sounded really panicked. He said he was sorry to call me out of the blue but he was in trouble, needed help and couldn't reach anyone else. He was on some trail at the park we went to a couple times and needed me to find him. Evidently he had an accident, had fallen down a hill, lost his glasses and couldn't find them. Then I knew why he was so upset. We were together long enough for me to know that he's nearly blind without his glasses. Can't see his own hand in front of his face without them. Sure, he's an ex, but he's also a human being that needed my help.

 

So he did his best to describe where he was and I drove to the park. When I found him he was a real wreck. Drenched in sweat, tremblind and I from how bloodshot his eyes were, he might have even been crying at one point. Never seen him scared before. It's like he was a totally different person. He had lost his glasses further down the path and had only come as far as he did to get in a spot where his phone could get a signal. I spent the better part of an hour looking for his glasses but couldn't find them. Finally he said to forget trying to find them and asked if I would take him home to get his other pair. Since he couldn't see a thing I had to hold his hand so I could guide him. He had calmed down a little by then but not by much. It kind of reminded me of the first time he and I went there but this wasn't really the same person. He wasn't head strong and cocky. He was shy and vulnerable. It took a while since we had to move kind of slow. I asked him why he was so upset and he told me that ever since he was a little kid he had been scared of his glasses getting lost or broken and about a couple of times in the 7th grade when some mean kids took away his glasses and teased him and stuff and how much it scared him. Things the guy I dated last year never would have told me about.

 

Got him back to the car, drove him home and helped him inside. When he got to his spare glasses and could see again he thanked me profusely and gave me a big hug. Then I left. Well he called me the next day and asked if he could buy me dinner to make up for my helping him. I told him I would think about it.

 

Never would have considered getting back with this guy before that day but now I know that there is a soft side under all that macho crap. Should I go out with him or not?

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Yes, you should. It may be that his cocky attitude stems from being bullied as a child and now you know why he will find it unnecessary to be like that with you - or you will be able to handle it better since you know where it comes from.

 

It was very indicative that he chose you to see him at his most vulnerable.

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Okay that story above made me melt. I'm such a girl. I say go for dinner and see what else lurks under all that macho BS. If you still feel an attraction and connection you have nothing to lose.

 

Perhaps hide his glasses at the next opportunity. The power is all yours. lol

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Were there any other reasons you broke up?

 

Also, it's important to bear in mind that this may just be a thank you dinner and not an attempt to reconcile.

 

Not really any other reasons. I just hadn't see anything more to him than the bravado. And I've been told by a mutual friend that he's still carrying a torch for me, so I'm pretty sure that there is more than a "thank you" in his mind with dinner. I'm leaning towards it.

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Well, then I definitely think you should go. If the problem was his bravado, and he's now shown that isn't all he's about and there are probably underlying reasons for his "act," then I think it's worth giving him another chance, especially if you liked him in general and felt a connection/attraction.

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Thanks everyone for your input. I think I'll go to dinner with him. From there it will go where it goes. And yeah, I have thought about why he called me to help him. That incident had to at the very least be very humbling to him. It's gotta be hard for him knowing that he could be rendered so helpless so easily and how much it upset him. After seeing him that day it almost breaks my heart to think about him possibly scared to point of tears just because he lost his glasses.

 

I imagine we'll talk about it at some point. I'd like to see more of what I did that day (the openness, not being scared and helpless).

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Perhaps hide his glasses at the next opportunity. The power is all yours. lol

 

Not sure how that would play out. When we were together there were a couple or three times where we were goofing around and I took them away from him but it didn't change his attitude much. Although it did cost me a lamp that he knocked over and broke while he was trying to find me. I think it didn't bother him because he knew I had them and he knew he I would give them back.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
Hey lurking! Did you have dinner? How did it go?

 

I did go out with him for dinner and it went well. And it seems the new attitude has stuck for the most part. It was nice.

 

We've gone out a couple times since. Most recently we just hung out at my place. We've talked and he's opened up a lot. A lot for him at least. He talked about how he always hated the idea of having to depend on anyone for anything but that it felt good for the first time when he had to that day at the park with me. I don't think he's ever let anyone in that far.

 

There was one thing that I thought was kind of sweet. We were about to go for a walk around my neighborhood. When we got to the door he took off his glasses, gave them to me and asked me to put them somewhere safe. I was like "you won't be able to see anything" and he said that it was ok because he trusted me.

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Awww, I'm glad things are going well. It's interesting that you added "for the most part" to your statement about his new attitude sticking though. Is he still doing some of the things that concerned you in the past?

 

It sounds like it's a process with him, and he'll open up more and more as time goes on. I think it's great that he chose you. You must be pretty special to him.

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