snuupi Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Hi everyone... here's my story and i've got something new to tell you... (thanks for reading..) i thought i just fell in love with another guy who slept at my house three days ago. but lying next to him i dreamt of my ex... and the next morning i woke up thinking "no you can't do that. it's not right." 5 hours later i was online (ICQ) and got a message by someone who's not in my contact-list...and it was my ex.. it's always those coincidences that let me believe in there's still a chance.. because i haven't thought about him since i heard that he's got a new girlfriend..then the dream and he contacting me some hours later... here are some extracts (which i think are interesting) of the conversation.. he: your hamster still alive? (first i didn't answer) he: okay.. see ya later.. maybe we'll hear from each other soon.. then we talked about hamsters and he asked me, what's going on and "what's the news" i told him that i play volleyball and that i'll be near his village in a few weeks... and then... he is it right that you're with your ex again?? i: oh my gosh! no!! he: dude i was laughing my head off when i heard this! so it's not marc... but you've got a new boyfriend, don't you? i: well .. depending on how you're looking at it.. he: okay?? i: yes, it's complicated.. he stayed over night .. but i don't know.. he: and? what was going on? i: not too much.. he: kissing at least?? i: no comment he: oh okay.. so kissing.. i would say if it's like that then there is something going on.. i: nono... he: oh.. yes.. complicated.. i: yes.. i don't want a relationship at the moment.. he: ooouuuuwhh .. was i so bad?? xD i: no... not exactly he: not exactly... xD i: well.. yeah in the end you were he: yes.. i know..and i feel sorry for that.. and i am sorry for you, because you've always been so lovingly and we've been through a lot of things (spain) and you were there for me.. and actually i wanted to apologize for that.. then i told him that i know that it was stupid to call him 50 times a day because i had nothing to do.. it was the first time we talked about the relationship or the break up since he has broken up with me.. we talked a while and then... he: i find it really pleasant that we go down well with each other now i told him that we haven't heard anything for a long time and he said: yeah.. but i mean.. that it's not hateful so that we can't even chat with each other then he had to go to a concert and said good bye like this: well.. i have to go now.. see you the next days or weeks or months ^^ ... what do you think about it? why did he do that? i know i should not be thinking about the WHY ... but i'm bored right now and need some other opinions about that.. Link to comment
moonbug Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 I think he just wanted to get things on a pleasant ground with you. Like why leave things bitter? Probably just wanted to make sure you are ok and try and be civil with you. No other intention from what I just read. Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 yes.. i was afraid that it's like you say... i forgot to say that i kept NC for about 11 weeks now and it helped a lot, because my heart was not going crazy.. Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 I think he just wanted to get things on a pleasant ground with you. Like why leave things bitter? Probably just wanted to make sure you are ok and try and be civil with you. No other intention from what I just read. Hard to say, but I think it's more than that. I'd never call one of my exes and say some of that stuff if I weren't up to something, especially the part about a new boyfriend and "what did you and he do?" And I think that "see you the next days or weeks or months" probably is a way of saying that he's amenable to restoring something akin to normal communications sooner or later. Otherwise it would have been easy to have simply said, "It was nice hearing from you again" and let it go at that. This guy hasn't let go, I don't think. Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 Hard to say, but I think it's more than that. I'd never call one of my exes and say some of that stuff if I weren't up to something, especially the part about a new boyfriend and "what did you and he do?" And I think that "see you the next days or weeks or months" probably is a way of saying that he's amenable to restoring something akin to normal communications sooner or later. Otherwise it would have been easy to have simply said, "It was nice hearing from you again" and let it go at that. This guy hasn't let go, I don't think. but why would he apologize?? i think it sounds like he wanted to get rid of his bad conscience.. but you're right the times he contacted me before he always said "we'll hear from each other. bye" and it always sounded like "shut up i don't want to hear anything from you" and now it really seems like he's not averse to hear from me again.. what shall i do now? wait until he contacts me again, right? because i won't make a fool of myself again, just because he contacted me. Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 but why would he apologize?? i think it sounds like he wanted to get rid of his bad conscience. I don't know you or your ex or what really went on between the two of you, of course, so I can only speculate a bit. If I were a dumper and I wanted to re-establish communication, even as friends, then I'd certainly have some things to apologize for. In fact, I can't imagine a dumper trying to re-connect without getting some kind of apology out of the way up front. I do know my ex, and if she called me today and said, "I'm sorry about [whatever] and [whatever]; I never should have said and done those things. And, by the way, are you seeing anyone now?" then I'd know exactly what she was up to -- she'd be testing the reconciliation waters, zero doubt about it. But, again, only you can "feel" what your ex is up to. It's possible that he could want to normalize your friendship, but I really don't know many guys who care about the "friends" thing with their exes. what shall i do now? wait until he contacts me again, right? because i won't make a fool of myself again, just because he contacted me. Here's the tough part. Yes, you need to wait for him to contact you again, and it may not come for a while. He can do better than that one online chat. But if he made contact once, I'm betting he'll do it again. Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 But, again, only you can "feel" what your ex is up to. It's possible that he could want to normalize your friendship, but I really don't know many guys who care about the "friends" thing with their exes. yeah... that's why i'm not sure about that, too... but i can't estimate him or the things he says and does anymore... but it's not the first time that he asked if i have a new boyfriend.. it's about 8 or 9 weeks ago, that he contacted me because of my status message "i'm done with you", which was just taken from a song i liked.. and he thought it was addressed to him... when i said "no it's not" he asked if it's addressed to a new guy in my life.. He can do better than that one online chat. But if he made contact once, I'm betting he'll do it again. well.. you're right, he contacted me about 8 times during NC (8 times in about 11 or 12 weeks - it was always about my status messages except the first 3 times)... but always via online stuff.. and waiting until he contacts again is not that hard, because i'm so far over him that i can be very patient... i mean it has been over for 4 and a half months now.. we'll see what the future will bring.. i asked some male friends about what they're thinking about him, because their about his age... and they say either he was bored or he wants to try to get in touch with me, because he wants to have me back... but they don't know anything about NC and that stuff.. asked them just because of the age.. by the way thanks for your answer Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 and waiting until he contacts again is not that hard, because i'm so far over him that i can be very patient... i mean it has been over for 4 and a half months now. I only just realized how young you guys are, and that part's actually cute to me. You probably don't recognize that 4 1/2 months isn't very long at all. Link to comment
djcom80429770 Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 ill be honest, as an ex, IM not going to ask you about your current single or taken status unless im fishing for something..just my opinion, his apology was to be on good terms to maybe make an attempt at coming back Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 I only just realized how young you guys are, and that part's actually cute to me. You probably don't recognize that 4 1/2 months isn't very long at all. ... yes you're right... it's not very long.. but i'm 17 and to me it seems longer than it really is in the first time after the break up i thought "oh no he's not calling me one week after the break up.. he'll never come back" and now it's almost 5 months ago and i realize again and again that he's not out of the world and he might come back at anytime ... but 4 1/2 months still seem to be a long time, because time flies by so fast at the moment... ill be honest, as an ex, IM not going to ask you about your current single or taken status unless im fishing for something..just my opinion, his apology was to be on good terms to maybe make an attempt at coming back but he asked something like that already 9 weeks before... okay he did contact me all the time somehow.. but i don't know.. this seems kinda unreal to me.. why doesn't he call if he wants to try to get in touch with me again... why does he only contact me via internet? i don't understand that... Link to comment
djcom80429770 Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 i know for me its easier to think out what you want to say on the internet than it is in person or even on the phone..but like i said if i didnt care if you were with someone i wouldnt ask, UNLESS..he is keeping ties "i've still got her, if she isnt with someone else" or its ok if im not with her but no one else better be Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 UNLESS..he is keeping ties "i've still got her, if she isnt with someone else" or its ok if im not with her but no one else better be and how do i set the "ties" apart from the "i probably want to have her back" ? Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 i can't stop thinking about why he actually contacted me ... except i've got something to do... and today i haven't got anything to do because i'm so tired... isn't there anything i could do to find out? ... Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 Oh i've got some news.. just wrote with the lying friend of my ex, who had told him about me being together with my exexboyfriend again.. he said, that he told my ex some weeks ago and my ex said that he doesn't care about that... my ex told me, when he heard that he was laughing his head of... and why would he ask me questions like that, if he didn't care? i don't understand nothing! Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 aww... i don't know what to think about that stuff.. help.. Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 Okay...well saw him online today on facebook...but he didn't contact me again. Perhaps it was because he didn't have time, as he has to go to bed early (his mother.... pooooor guy... ) but I shouldn't always think like that. He didn't contact me, so I think the last time he was just bored. NC goes on and I'll try to forget about him. I think that would be best... even if it's hard to accept........ Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 18, 2009 Author Share Posted July 18, 2009 Today his best friend added me on facebook. Don't know, why he did almost 5 months AFTER the break up, but okay... Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Today his best friend added me on facebook. Don't know, why he did almost 5 months AFTER the break up, but okay... Are you friends with the best friend? Maybe he was just waiting for the smoke to clear. Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 18, 2009 Author Share Posted July 18, 2009 Are you friends with the best friend? Maybe he was just waiting for the smoke to clear. No actually not, that's why I'm wondering why he added me... Well yes, we talked when we were both at my ex house... but apart from that.. no. We knew each other but we weren't friends. Same story with his girlfriend. We knew each other but weren't really friends... and when I didn't answer my Ex about that almost broken thumb thing, she contacted me but when I answered, didn't write back. When I was with my ex he didn't have that much contact to his best friend anymore, don't know why. But I saw an entry in his best friend's guest book just now and it seems as if they have more contact than some months ago again. So my mind goes crazy like: He wanted him to add me, because he wants to find out more about me. But I know that it's not like that... it's just what I hope it would be like.... Still don't understand, why his best friend added me almost 5 months after the break up... Do you think I should ask him, why? Or just wait, once again, because if he wants something from me, he'll ask the next days...? Link to comment
SighSob Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Overanalyzing won't help you. I think that the fact that he tried to contact you is good news. Now you have to go back to your life and stop going mad. If he wanted to give you two another shot he will make contact again...otherwise, he was just trying to clear the air between you two. ^_^ Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 18, 2009 Author Share Posted July 18, 2009 Overanalyzing won't help you. I think that the fact that he tried to contact you is good news. Now you have to go back to your life and stop going mad. If he wanted to give you two another shot he will make contact again...otherwise, he was just trying to clear the air between you two. ^_^ Yes, you're right I should go on with my 'new life' again ... better than always analyze everything that comes from him or his friends... But when I'm sitting at home getting bored I just have to analyze everything Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Still don't understand, why his best friend added me almost 5 months after the break up... Do you think I should ask him, why? Or just wait, once again, because if he wants something from me, he'll ask the next days...? I dunno. Depends on how much interaction you have on Facebook. Some people just add everyone. I would be careful of one thing. If he posts some pics that happen to contain the ex and a new person, that is gonna land right in your lap. I blocked my ex on Facebook, so that couldnt happen anymore. No need for it. I didnt like seeing her, and Im sure it hurt her to see me. Be carreful, but also dont read anything in to it. He may have just wanted to add another friend to the total. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 But when I'm sitting at home getting bored I just have to analyze everything I know. We all do Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 18, 2009 Author Share Posted July 18, 2009 He may have just wanted to add another friend to the total. You're right. That's simple and in all probabilty the reason why he did. Thank you Link to comment
snuupi Posted July 19, 2009 Author Share Posted July 19, 2009 Hi! Just wrote my ex' best friend: "and who were you again?? ;DD" hope he understands the joke.. and now... IF he was supposed to ask me about something my ex wants to know, I would have given him a perfect chance to do. If he doesn't, I'll know that he has just added me because he was bored or needed some more friends. What do you think? Good or bad idea? Link to comment
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