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why only me?


reneex061
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?

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why do abusers only abuse the person theyre with or were with and not anyone else? my ex still says really mean things to me, even though we havent been together in a while. BUT he would never say anything rude to any other of his friends and never has. im just really hurt over the fact that he only does this to me and ive never done anything wrong to him. he is just cruel and heartless..im in the process of erasing him out of my life, but im not sure how to go about it. im still trying to heal and i still get upset a lot..

 

can anyone tell me why he is this way with only me?

 

(if you read my previous post you will see this has been going on for a long time)

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why do abusers only abuse the person theyre with or were with and not anyone else? my ex still says really mean things to me, even though we havent been together in a while. BUT he would never say anything rude to any other of his friends and never has. im just really hurt over the fact that he only does this to me and ive never done anything wrong to him. he is just cruel and heartless..im in the process of erasing him out of my life, but im not sure how to go about it. im still trying to heal and i still get upset a lot..

 

can anyone tell me why he is this way with only me?

 

(if you read my previous post you will see this has been going on for a long time)

 

Well, speaking from personal experience they tend to act like that towards nice and overly loving people. Its because they don't love themselves.

 

Reading up on the issue might help you too.

 

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You have to face facts that there are people in life who will "get off" on someone else misfortune. There could be a number of reasons why he does it to you, maybe he see's you as being weak. If that the case you should make it apparent that you won't stand for it. We all have found that one person who tries to make your life hell, and we all find different ways to deal with them.

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Abusers have multiple personalities, well that's what i found with my ex who was abusive, he would be one person towards me and another person towards his friends and family.

 

yeah thats how he is with me. i just have a hard time understand why he is only this way to me..

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Because abusers only need one person to abuse. You are the easiest target. You are alone with him more often (as to keep it private) and weaker than him. Yes, it really does make him pathetic.

 

Ignore some of the ignorance in this post. Some people don't realize that a man can spend years emotionally confusing you and you just want to make sense of it. The abuser does it so you will question yourself and have more trust in what they say.

 

My best advice is to educate yourself about abuse (in all it's forms). It will help you make sense of all your thoughts and give you the confidence (in yourself) you need to leave.

 

If you haven't left him yet, prepare to leave. Often, a woman is ready to leave but then realizes she has nothing packed to leave. This gives the offender (abuser) plenty of time to talk you into staying. Be ready to leave so when you decide it in your head, you can go.

 

This also means a plan on where to go. I know a shelter doesn't seem like the most ideal place, but they will have what you will need the most--emotional support.

 

Most of all, I suggest to some of the posters to read up on what kind of support a woman needs to leave an abusive relationship before making it sound that easy. It's not that easy. There are many things that hold a woman in an abusive relationship. From Depression, borderline personality disorder, dependency, emotional instability, lack of self confidence, guilt, or simply never knowing anything different other than abuse. I'm sure there are many more reasons... but this isn't a black & white situation. So don't treat it that way.

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Because abusers are two-faced and manipulative. They don't want to get caught and lose control of who they abuse. So they put on a facade of being respectful and charismatic.

 

Agreed. They only need one person to abuse, and you are the most private and easy to control. Everyone else will just see his charming side... the side you fell in love with. Unfortunately it's fake.

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