Sick Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 My current boyfriend is an extremely violent person at heart, even though he has never and never would lay a hand on me he has done so to countless other people. He has even mugged people before. I think the worse he ever did was wait in the dark in the bushes for this guy who attempted to rape his friend to come home one night, and when he arrived my boyfriend came out with a bat and beat him until both his legs and ribs were broken in multiple spots. He left the guy there until someone found him and called an ambulance. (He never got caught, he was wearing a mask) He claims that this is all in his past and that he has matured enough that situations like this will never occur again, but now he is having a few conflicts with my friends. He is kind of sensitive to insults, and overreacts. I have friends in the states that he has never met before but he knows them off of facebook. I will be seeing these friends in a week, and my boyfriend really doesn't want me to. This is one of the comments that a guy friend of mine left on a picture on facebook of me and my boyfriend: (he was completely joking) "hey dude hook me up with ur girlfriend haha" and my boyfriend's reply: "Or I can crush your knee caps with my bonebreaker" Another comment left on my profile by the guy's friend was: "(My name), don't bring (my bf's name) to the ranch this year, please don't, bring any one of your other friends just not him." and my boyfriend's reply was: "I'm not coming to the ranch but I swear to god if you ever set foot in Vancouver and I find out about it, I will disembowel you and leave holes in your body where holes are not meant to be, I will rip you limb from limb and make you suffer slowly so that you never wish to live again." Now my friend from the states did not see that last message. I deleted almost as soon as it was posted. But now my boyfriend is yelling at me because I apparently won't allow him to "defend" himself and I am taking my friend's side. He keeps calling me going on and on about how I don't care about how he feels, and his opinions aren't important to me. He also keeps making threats to ME saying that if he ever gets to meet these friends of mine in person that he will make sure he damages them physically and emotionally to an irreversible extent. I don't know what to do about this guy of mine. With me, when we are alone, he is the most loving person in the entire world. He loves me to death and shows it every single day. But as soon as someone says something even slightly insulting to him he makes it his goal to destroy them. I am sick of it, sick of worrying he will get put in jail or seriously hurt one of my friends. He just can't take anything without overreacting to it. I've tried talking to him about this. No progress. Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 So you're not concerned for your safety at all? If you talked to him about it would he listen or just get angry? Link to comment
Catdancer Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Yikes. No way I could put up with ANYONE saying things like that to my friends OR to me about my friends. He is a huge pot of boiling anger just waiting to explode. I'd be careful if I were you, of getting burned. Link to comment
testcase Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Yea I would say your guy has problems. Just my opinion. I am all for sticking up for yourself, your girl. I understand fighting. But when people think like that... just from what he is saying and blowing things out of proportion. Like the other poster said, and I really will unfortunately say this, I wouldn't be too sure about him never laying a hand on you if he doesn't figure out how to deal with his emotions. Link to comment
jengh Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Eeeeek Why would you want to be involved with someone so violent? He may not have laid a hand on you...but who says he won't in the future? If he's capable of such horrific acts of violence, who knows what he'd do to you if you angered him enough. Get yourself out of this situation! Not healthy! Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Hmmm. That's a bit much. You don't know that he would never lay a hand on you. Everyone thinks that until it happens to them. He sounds very controlling, and abusive behavior usually starts with that. Link to comment
amipushy Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 The thing that bothers me is that this anger is always going to be just under the surface and you never know when it will bubble over into reality. If you stay there is a huge possbility that he will become violent with you and/or you will become one of those girls who will spent her whole life visiting her man in jail. Do you know how he behaved with his last gf? Or how he reacted when his last gf left him? I would be very concerned about this and if you do decide to dump him, make sure that you completely disappear for a very long time. Also, don't think you can save him/tame him because you can't. He will fight you in every corner and he will win at your emotional and mental expense. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 You're choosing to date a violent criminal with an anger disorder or severe anger issues. Other than "but I love him" or "but I lust him" what are the advantages to dating someone like this? Please don't mistake his behavior for "masculine" behavior - he is a person with a mental disability for which he is not getting treatment. I agree that your friends and family are also at risk. Link to comment
Anotherday Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 OMG, I am really afraid for you. He is NOT normal at all and I would be scared to death of someone like that. I don't care if he's the greatest with you, something is definitely wrong and he is one sick guy. The only way I would continue with him in my life is if he gets help now! Aren't you afraid for your friends? If you know he has these tendencies, don't you think you have a responsibility to look out for others? I am not trying to get down on you at all, but this person really frightens me and I am not at all sure he won't turn on you someday. Get out please! And be very careful about it. I fear for your safety and others! Link to comment
sophie274 Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Please please please leave him now. What happens when you break up and he waits for you in the dark with a mask, and leaves you severely injured for someone to find you? I feel very worried that if you try to leave him now he will be violent ... stalk you or assault you. I think if I were you I would dump him and stay with a family member for awhile, or just be very very careful. Change your locks if he has your keys. Link to comment
MD Geist Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Sounds to me like somebodys got insecurity issues. The way I see it is if a man can't respect his womans friends he shouldn't even be around people let alone in a relationship. Now its just verbal abuse towards others, soon its going to get physical. You need a new Boyfriend cause this guy is a ticking time bomb ready to blow at anytime. Also you don't wanna get caught up in the stupidity that someday he picks on the wrong guy and gets his @$$ handed to himself, trust me it always happens, save yourself the stress, get a new boyfriend. there's plenty of single guys out there to choose from. Link to comment
Anotherday Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 And let me add about this statement "I'm not coming to the ranch but I swear to god if you ever set foot in Vancouver and I find out about it, I will disembowel you and leave holes in your body where holes are not meant to be, I will rip you limb from limb and make you suffer slowly so that you never wish to live again." Sorry, but I believe he'd do this. He is not defending himself against insults, he's .....I can't find the words!! And now he is on you? Run, run, run far away. He should be locked up someplace until he can get help. Link to comment
Sunflour Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 You cannot assume he would never lay a hand on you. All you know is that he hasn't done it yet. For godsakes, he's threatening to maim or even kill your friends! You say he's hurt "countless people"! What on earth are doing in this relationship? Get the heck out of as fast as you can do it safely. Get out while you still can. I'd recommend that you go see a therapist who has experience with counseling women in abusive relationships. Although this man has not abused you (yet), there is no telling what he might do to you or your loved ones when you break up with him. You need expert advice on how to do this in a way that will keep you safe. Don't let "he loves me to death" turn into a prophecy. Link to comment
Anotherday Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 You cannot assume he would never lay a hand on you. All you know is that he hasn't done it yet. For godsakes, he's threatening to maim or even kill your friends! You say he's hurt "countless people"! What on earth are doing in this relationship? Get the heck out of as fast as you can do it safely. Get out while you still can. I'd recommend that you go see a therapist who has experience with counseling women in abusive relationships. Although this man has not abused you (yet), there is no telling what he might do to you or your loved ones when you break up with him. You need expert advice on how to do this in a way that will keep you safe. Don't let "he loves me to death" turn into a prophecy. Yes, this is very true. Link to comment
jul-els Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 This person is unstable and dangerous. He could turn on you on a dime. It will only be a matter of time before he makes you his target if you stay. Get out of this. Link to comment
pui Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Wow. No way could I get close to anyone like that. A person capable of hurting anyone like that (not to mention "countless people"!!!) is a social threat. I will not even quote you on the words he said again, because they are enough to make my stomach turn. Somone who can actually think those thoughts and put them into words is mentally ill. Really, you must find a way out of this relationship. My guess is he is nice to you because he considers you (for now) among his "friends." This guy sees the world in terms of enemies and friends, once you cross on the other side it's not going to be nice. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 I would be scared to death of this guy even if he had never laid a hand on me. He has serious anger issues -- completely NOT normal. I got freaked out just reading the comments he made. He has a history of violent crimes -- mugging, assault, etc. -- for which it appears he has never been caught or convicted, and that is even scarier because he has never been held accountable for his violence. He practically maimed someone! Again, I'd be scared to death of him, and I would be looking for a way to get far away from him. I'm worried for you. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 And let me add about this statement "I'm not coming to the ranch but I swear to god if you ever set foot in Vancouver and I find out about it, I will disembowel you and leave holes in your body where holes are not meant to be, I will rip you limb from limb and make you suffer slowly so that you never wish to live again." Sorry, but I believe he'd do this. He is not defending himself against insults, he's .....I can't find the words!! And now he is on you? Run, run, run far away. He should be locked up someplace until he can get help. Exactly. The fact that he THINKS he's defending himself is SCARY. What he's really doing here is making extremely violent threats against another person's life, and his reaction is totally out of proportion to the original comments from which he claims to be defending himself, proof of the fact that he is emotionally unstable. I'm not sure what the laws are where you are, but in some places in the U.S., making a threat like this could land him in jail. I suspect that someday he WILL find himself in jail, most likely for killing someone. Link to comment
Anotherday Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Exactly. The fact that he THINKS he's defending himself is SCARY. What he's really doing here is making extremely violent threats against another person's life, and his reaction is totally out of proportion to the original comments from which he claims to be defending himself, proof of the fact that he is emotionally unstable. I'm not sure what the laws are where you are, but in some places in the U.S., making a threat like this could land him in jail. I suspect that someday he WILL find himself in jail, most likely for killing someone. I agree, and I'm hoping the OP is both reading these responses and making an appt with a professional to figure out how to leave him and stay safe. This guy is seriously demented and seriously scary. He really should be locked up before he does some serious damage, which he probably will and sounds like he has already. He needs some serious help. Link to comment
Jenni Lee Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 You are probably waiting for a response other than 'leave'. You're probably not gonna get it. The only smart choice here, is to leave. It very well may turn into violence against you. You don't want to turn into one of his unfortunate victims, do you? I would run, far far away! People like that are unpredictable and if they are known for hitting people, they can and will hit you. If not for anything else, think of how this guy represents you as a couple. Not a very healthy representation. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Pretty soon, all that violence he uses on your friends and countless strangers will turn against you. I would have left a creep like that. Now if you came here posting about your sitation with boyfriend then that means you're very concern and/or afraid of his behavior which means you're unsure about the relationship. Which you are right, you should be concern about what he had displayed with strangers. Before running away from this violent man, make sure to bring people with you at all times esp. in place where he's likely to be there and then lock all your doors. Link to comment
envysinnocence Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I don't know how it is in your state but here if someone threatens harm on themselves or others you can have them involuntarily committed and that would give you time to get out and go somewhere that he can't find you. If that's not an option you could always buy a gun for protection, keep it in your pocket when your breaking up with him and getting your things and don't contact him once your gone or tell him where your going. If you feel uncomfortable with gun pepper spray is an option but you'd have to leave your things behind as you wouldn't have time to get them. Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 That doesn't sound very good to me. I wouldn't be with someone like that Link to comment
Pastor Terry Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Only time before he hurts you... Link to comment
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