I don't want this to be the end :(

[Applewhite]

Are you ok with him treating you the same way as he did that day you went to pick up your hw? If you are ok, why did you get angry. If you are not ok, what makes you think this behavior will change? When you talk about compromising for each other, was you agreeing to giving him more space/time (whatever he needs) one of the 'compromises'?

[indigochick]

I would leave it a few days before contacting him again. He may contact you before.

ok, tx a lot

[indigochick]

Are you ok with him treating you the same way as he did that day you went to pick up your hw? If you are ok, why did you get angry. If you are not ok, what makes you think this behavior will change? When you talk about compromising for each other, was you agreeing to giving him more space/time (whatever he needs) one of the 'compromises'?

When we would compromise, it was exactly that. He would give a little and I would give a little. We would meet half way, so it's fair.

[WomanWriter]

I know you don't want this to be the end, but I think you are both not good for one another. I think you both played a role in this break-up and fed on each other's behavior. Your neediness drove him to be cold and rejecting while his coldness drove you to be needy! If either one of you would have stopped polarizing (going to one extreme), maybe you could have worked it out.

 

I am very familiar with this because something similar used to happen with my ex too (not when we broke up but during the relationship in general). I'd sometimes want to talk at inapporpriate times about the relationship and he'd end up falling asleep or getting quiet and zoning out instead of talking with me.

 

It would make me extremely upset...but instead of pressing him like you did here, I'd end up withdrawing and acting cold myself. The colder I got, the more responsive he was to me! I realized that this was turning into manipulation on my part---acting cold so he would start being more warm. So I changed my ways and stopped acting cold back to him. Instead, I'd try to talk to him about why he was always so tired/depressed about things. He'd just be even more cold...and it got to the point where seeing me once per week was even too much for him. This is coming from a man who, for almost the whole 7 years together, acted like I was the best thing since sliced bread.

 

I think these types of men need a really cold/rejecting woman because they are emotionally unavailable and looking for someoen to "rescue". Intimacy scares them. They don't seem capable of warm, communicative relationships and seem to respond best to withdrawal and rejection. The more passive and withdrawn I was (even during the break up), the more emotional and responsive my ex was. When I was the emotional/responsive one, he was the cold/rejecting one.

 

Sounds like this dynamic is going on here too. The warmer and more clingy you are with him, the colder and nastier he'll be to you. I personally don't want to be with a man who expects me to be an ice queen or a man who is always tired and wants space all the time (I don't know how much space your guy had but I know I let mine have as much as he wanted and it STILL wasn't enough at the end obviously).

 

So let this guy go. Maybe he'll be interested once you back off. Then again, even if he is, do you want someone who only wants you when you don't want him?