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Havent seen him in 3 weeks?


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it's hard to accept but I second everyone else. He just keeps you as a back burner. I've been with a guy I really liked who lived one hour away, and he did the same thing. I find different excuses for him by then. and now. I resent him for leading me on and I regret all the time and energy spent for him.

 

so I advise you pick up the signals and move on.

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well i can understand him calling me once in a while if im the girl on the backburner. But texting me everyday AND calling me every night before he goes to sleep? Sometimes calling 2-3 times a day? I mean...does that sound like a backburner girl?

 

Sounds like a 'chat buddy'....

 

I've been in same situation and with a guy who put very little effort into coming to see me (he was 2 hours away)...and who called every single day for a year and sometimes 3 and 4 times a day....

I would sometimes overlook this though and because he had lost his job and money was tight...but I felt more his 'chat buddy' than his gf...and I'd think that if he cared 'that' much, he'd find a way to get here!

 

Your guy has no excuse it would seem. He isn't long distance..

 

If my ex had lived closer to me and wasn't making any effort and had no good enough reason that prevented him from seeing me...it would be 'au revoir'...NEXT!!

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well i can understand him calling me once in a while if im the girl on the backburner. But texting me everyday AND calling me every night before he goes to sleep? Sometimes calling 2-3 times a day? I mean...does that sound like a backburner girl?

 

Yes...because it ensures that you think he still might have enough interest in you that you won't get suspicious. Too bad you're a little smarter than that and you've come here to get some insight. I mean, most of us agree that his behavior isn't that of a guy who wants something genuine with you. But you can look at both hypothetical scenarios if you'd like:

 

Scenario 1: He really is interested and really is just super busy. The catch is, it's a guy who doesn't make enough time for you. Do you really wanna keep dating a guy who might try to see you once a month, if you're lucky?

 

Scenario 2: He is only contacting you every day to keep you on the backburner. If that's the case, he's being disrespectful of you and you should just move on now.

 

Those are the two most likely explanations for his behavior, at least. But either way, are you going to be left satisfied if you keep him around? I'd doubt it...unless you're the type who doesn't ever actually like to see the person you're dating...

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well he called late saturday as he was driving back home from hanging out with his buddies. It was so pathetic, there I was sitting at home on the phone with him after he spent a lovely evening with his pals. He spoke to me for a bit and then after he hung up, I lost it. We got into an argument and I let him know what I thought of him. He acted totally confused and had no idea what I was talking about. He said he thought everything was fine. I just kept swearing at him and told him that he knew perfectly well what was going on. He kept acting confused.

 

Anyway, the next day he said that what I said hurt him and I apologized. He still insisted that he had no idea what I was talking about. He also talked about how he is just so stressed and busy and needs to get his stuff together and yada yada. Well, I apologized for hurting him and thats about that.

 

I have no idea if were going to talk to each other anymore or whats going on now. *Screams frustrated groan*

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Walk away. Walk away now. No way in hell a guy has time for his buddies and yet can't find a few hours for the woman he's dating in 3 weeks. You're either the back-up, the mistress, or the imaginary girlfriend. In any case, you are not in a relationship. I don't care if he texts 60x a day, if he isn't making time for face to face, you're not in a relationship.

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I agree with the last few responses. He couldn't find time for you in three weeks, but he can go out with his friends? And, to add insult to injury, he calls you when he's on the way home from hanging out with his friends? What?

 

I agree you shouldn't have gone off on him; if you haven't been dating long, he probably WAS confused, wondering why you were taking things so seriously. And, it sounds as if he wants to keep things lighter and more casual; the fact that he can go three weeks without seeing you, even if he is in some kind of contact with you every day, tells me that he is not ready for a relationship or anything other than casual dating. Your reaction probably threw him because he sees the situation as casual dating whereas you want something more.

 

That said, I think you have every right to have some expectations, and if this guy isn't meeting them (which he also has every right to do), you should stop seeing him/talking to him. There's bound to be someone out there who will want to see you more often!

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Walk away. Walk away now. No way in hell a guy has time for his buddies and yet can't find a few hours for the woman he's dating in 3 weeks. You're either the back-up, the mistress, or the imaginary girlfriend. In any case, you are not in a relationship. I don't care if he texts 60x a day, if he isn't making time for face to face, you're not in a relationship.

 

Ah...the "imaginary girlfriend." Yeah, I've been her before. That's a perfect term for it. And, I definitely agree with your last point. He could text 100 times a day, and it's still not a relationship.

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  • 2 weeks later...
So now he just texts me every single night before he goes to sleep. I have told him to *beep* off on several occasions and he just acts confused and clueless as to why I am acting that way. Honestly, I do not know what he is thinking.

 

Why be rude? Simply tell him you are too busy for a text buddy and that if he wants to see you he can let you know in advance when he is free and if you are free you will consider it.

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I agree with what others have said--he's keeping you in reserve.

 

The reason his behavior fluctuates (i.e., calling a few times some days, only texting once on others) is because his situation is fluid. Sometimes, he's busy with other girls, so he doesn't need you...but when things are drying up and he has more time, he contacts you more than he usually would, hoping for the best.

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He is probably getting the emotional fulfillment that he is lacking from other girls (if he's seeing them) from you. And since you happily comply with this, he has no reason to change his behavior, the only thing you are doing is encouraging it.

 

Throwing tamper tantrums or getting upset is not going to change the situation since its only a signal to him that you are very invested in this. Even if you get upset, he knows that all its going to take is a few - I'm sorry baby or apologetic text messages or words of hope for the future - and you'll be back where it started.

 

The only thing that you can really do is what others have suggested - just tell him that all of a sudden you have gotten very busy and don't have time to call/text. If he wants to see you in person, you'll make time for him, but otherwise, you won't be engaging in any phone communications with him. And then - unless he is calling you to make a date, don't engage him in conversation, tell him you have to go and leave. I'm sure he'll be out of your life pretty soon if you stick to this and you can find a guy who actually wants to see you.

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