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Havent seen him in 3 weeks?


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He Calls Me Instead Of Texting
He Calls Me Instead Of Texting

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Ok so weve been "dating" for almost 2 months now. Except I havent seen him for nearly 3 weeks. He still hasnt asked me out. He calls and texts everyday but thats it. He also doesnt say he misses me like he used to. Whats going on and what should I do about it? I have already talked to him about it but he says he likes me alot and still wants to see me and doesnt know why I think he doesnt like me. He says hes just sooo busy and tired and stressed from work. Whats going on? What should I do? Ive considered not returning his calls but I just dont want to hurt him at all or cause him any pain or whatever. I dont know what to do. I do like hearing from him but then when he is treating me like this I dont know what to think and it kinda hurts to not hear him be as lovey dovey as he used to be and kinda treating me like a friend. So I dont know what to do, I would just stop talking to him alltogether but I dont wanna hurt him...what do I do????

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hmmm this is odd behavior. At some point did you straight out ask him out o do something? what does he say to that? whats his excuse?

 

yes. he said hed have to check his schedule. then i got mad. then he insisted that he was just so tired that he had to make sure it was on a good day. so then he tried to see me on the weekend but on the night he was going to come, traffic was at a standstill (It really was) and he called and we agreed to forget about it (even though I was hoping hed deal with the traffic to see me but he didnt).

 

So now its Friday and he has not mentioned seeing me and he has not asked me out. And when we talk the lovey doveyness isnt there anymore. Its sad, i want it back but its gone. But he still calls and texts everyday.

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I don't want to sound mean, but honestly I dont think he is that interested. If he is, then maybe he needs to take some vitamins or pop open an energy drink. I say move on. If he wants to light a fire under his interest cool, but if not, then at least you have had a good time while you wait.

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He's pretty much saying to you that it's ok for him to not see you for three weeks. I could not imagine not seeing someone that I liked for 3 weeks and I don't think many people can. Sounds like to me he's just giving you excuses. The guy that I've been seeing about 2 months into us dating, he became extremely busy at work after two people quit. He went 2 weeks where he worked everyday and was completely stressed, yet he still took the time to see me 3 days a week and we live 50 minutes apart. There's really no excuse and I feel that when you really like someone you want to see them, and they help you take away the stress. Sounds to me like he's leaving you on the backburner. He might have someone else, and is just keeping you around incase that doesn't work. my suggestion would be to end things with him and tell him that you require more time spent together in a relationship than he can provide.

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Or...as it is such early days in the relationship, maybe take the pressure off it and continue to date other guys, and just get to know this guy slowly...if it is too early on in your dating relationship, he might be nowhere near invested enough emotionally to make a massive effort (not that I'm defending this - it's shoddy behaviour!) - BUT if you like him, maybe give it more time, and let it develop and then see what happens? If you've only just started dating it is probably too early to worry.

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It sounds to me like he may have met someone else, and he still keeps in contact with you just in case this new "relationship" doesn't work out. So basically, I wouldn't be surprised if he was just stringing you along as backup.

 

Either way, a guy that can't find ANY time to see you in 3 whole weeks isn't someone you probably wanna be with anyway. No one is so busy they have no time to see the person they're dating for that long of a period.

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The only reasons I can see where two people don't spend one minute with each other over a 3-week period is (1) someone is out of town a lot on vacation or for work, (2) sickness or some other health issue, or (3) it's a long distance relationship.

 

One week is understandable, and even two "busy" weeks can happen. But three is an awfully long time and raises questions that others have brought up.

 

Yep, it sounds like his interest waned for whatever reason, and texts/calls are meant to keep you around as a backup (texts and calls take far less time and effort for him than spending an evening out).

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He calls and texts because it requires no effort and it's a good ego boost for him. You've reinforced that behavior by accepting his calls and spending your time with him on the phone even though he hasn't asked you out. I can relate very well to busy schedules but unless he is out of town he can, if he wants. make advance plans with you with the caveat that if he has to work late he will let you know as soon as he knows. "too tired" and "too stressed" either means he isn't interested enough in seeing you or he simply is not available to be in a relationship because of his schedule. either way it doesn't matter, and either way don't take it personally.

 

But, I would tell him that you have become very busy too, too busy to have a text/phone buddy and that if he wants to see you he can let you know in advance and if you are free you will do your best to be available -- but not to call other than to make a plan to see each other in person.

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He called me 3 times today. Hung out with his friend tonight. He also told me that he will be hanging out with another friend tomorrow night. In other words, we wont be seeing each other this week again for the 3rd week. Yet he calls me 3 X a day? And texts me? What the heck is going through his head- i feel insulted, pathetic and hurt.

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3 hours? who said 3 hours?

 

I thought you'd said you were 3 hours apart....

 

Obviously then he's close by....so NO excuse to not make an effort on his part.....or to see you alone and without friends present.

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He called me 3 times today. Hung out with his friend tonight. He also told me that he will be hanging out with another friend tomorrow night. In other words, we wont be seeing each other this week again for the 3rd week. Yet he calls me 3 X a day? And texts me? What the heck is going through his head- i feel insulted, pathetic and hurt.

 

I think you should just ask him. If he really wanted to see you, he would. He is treating you more like a "phone friend" than a date, let alone a girlfriend.

Yes, he IS contacting you, but...you haven't seen him in three weeks. I truly believe that if he wanted to pursue you romantically he would absolutely have asked to see you by now. I think the phone calls are his way of keeping you on the hook while he checks out his other options. Sorry, but...I can't fathom going three weeks without wanting to see someone I really liked and wanted a relationship with.

 

I would ask him, in a polite way, what's happening. You might just tell him that in light of your last conversation, you wonder whether he wants to keep seeing you, and tell him why you feel that way. You may get an answer you don't like, but at least you'll have an answer.

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Trust me on this one, as a guy speaking no matter how busy or tireing my day or week at work has been seeing a girl i like "picks me up" like an energy drink its something i would look forward to not try and put off.

 

Move on and find someone who puts in as much effort as you.

 

He contacts you alot, but you havnt seen him in 3 weeks. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

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He's dating someone else and keeping you around in case it doesn't work out with that girl, I'm almost sure of it. Dump this guy. Tell him you're tired of talking on the phone and would like to have a conversation in person in real time on a date and if he's too busy for that then he's lost his chance with you.

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OK so another curve ball this morning:

 

So he texts me this morning and starts going on about how sorry he is that hes been so stressed and how grateful he is that I listen and what a sweetheart I am. So yeah, it sounds to me like he is qualifying his actions but is he also making it clear that were just friends?

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You know what? I think its just time to crap or get off the pot. Just ask him.

 

Text him back and say, Hey not a problem I dont mind being there to listen, I understand being stressed, its what friends are there for. Speaking of being friends, I feel like that is where we are right now, and I am curious, are you interested in going out to see if there is something more there, or are you interested in just being friends?

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