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Cyanide Diva
Dating Someone Not Attracted To - D...
Dating Someone Not Attracted To - Do It!

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Alright. So I'm young and I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions but for a while now I've just accepted myself as a

commitaphobe because when I dated a guy or were "together" with him eventually, when it got to the point where

I knew he'd have to meet my parents (because they, well my father, want to meet the guy I'm dating) When i think

of that it's like someone who's afraid of spiders seeing a huge tarantula coming at them. It's so ridicules because I

don't know what it is! It's like real fear because I have a fear of ghosts and I know how I get when I feel like there's

"something" there, this knot in my stomach and my heart starts pounding and my eyes get big. That happens to me

when I think about dating and commitment. It's so strange. I hate PDA, like I'm so uncomfortable with holding

someones' hand in public or hugging them and kissing... Oh God, that is just a no no. I'm fine with being crazy and

affectionate with friends but with a date it's so weird. I hate being on a one on one date.

 

So here's my cry for help

 

Can someone PLEASE explain this to me? I don't get it! Why do I feel like that? I've never even really been in a serious

relationship and mostly because of this fear that I have.

 

And can maybe someone with experience tell me some baby steps to how to get over it because I really like this guy

and I wouldn't mind being with him but it's so uncomfortable for me.

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It seems like you may have a fear of your parents rejecting your guy. Or maybe a fear of being with a guy that your parents don't deem worthy.

 

I would recommend talking to your parents and explain to them exactly how you feel and ask them to try and understand. They will most likely reassure you (I do not know your parents and cannot say for sure) but their reassurance may help you. If you know that you have someone on your side when you take him to meet them, it may help your fears. You can also bring another friend for "moral support" reasons...maybe someone your parents already know.

 

Beyond that, I would simply suggest choosing a mantra to keep repeating to yourself to help maintain your willpower. Something like "my fear of commitment is irrational, there is no reason for it" and just keep repeating that to yourself to help you realize that there really is no need for the fear at all.

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You have typical symptoms/experiences of those typically diagnosed with anxiety. Your struggles are clearly associated with your social experiences.

 

I think you should consider something like the Social Anxiety Institute. They offer a world reknowned program allowing you to work at home to help improve your insecurities, fears, phobias, etc. I say check em' out.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Diva,

 

I recommend the book "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. I read it last year when I became involved with a commitmentphobic woman (like you!) before I realised she had these emotional problems.

 

I should warn you though that the book will not provide solutions. It will however, give you case after case study of men and women with your emotional symptoms, and you could recognise yourself in that.

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