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Things are SO much better, that it's starting to scare me?


Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
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Did anyone ever get to a point in the healing process that things start going so well that it starts to scare you?

 

It's like being miserable and missing my ex is all I've known for the past 6 months and now things are changing so much for the better in my life that it is starting to scare me.

 

It all started on my ex's birthday, when I didn't call him. For months I thought his birthday would be the excuse I needed to break NC and get back in his life, but when the day came, I honestly didn't feel like calling him.

 

I'm also seeing someone else and for the first time things are going smoothly and I'm very much into this new person. I can imagine myself with him on the future...

 

I got promoted in my job, the guy I'm seeing is very sucessful and fun and nice... I have great friends and an amazing family. I also heard that my ex quit his job, his best friends are really upset because he has been weird and MIA lately and I actually feel like I might be better off?? On Sunday I saw all of his guy friends on a birthday party and they were opening to me about how my ex has changed and how he is going to fall off his bed and realize the path he chose...

 

All these new feelings are starting to overwhelm me... it's like, really? Things improve after a bad breakup? You get your life back? It's just scary to experience positive emotions when misery already felt "safe".

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Well there is life after an ex and usually a better one...

 

Just because you split with someone, doesnt mean that you will be destined to a life of gloom and doom for all eternity.

 

Be glad that you have moved on and things are good.

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I know, but I have anxiety and I'm very scared of changes. So it's like, mourning my ex and being gloomy was "safe" to me.

 

When I broke up with my ex my anxiety was very low and I thought I should end it instead of being scared of changes and living life. I ended up regretting the decision, feeling very unsafe, my anxiety sky rocketed, I needed to take meds for it...

 

Since then I had been feeling very scared and anxious about life and the future. I guess "missing my ex" felt safe.

 

Now that things are changing, I feel scared and anxious. I used to be such a brave child I don't know why I grew up and became such a scared adult. Yes I do. Living in an unsafe environment as a kid. It sucks that I have to deal with the scars of that forever.

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Congratulations, bgirl!! So happy for you! Such huge changes in your life in a period of 3-4 months!! So so happy for you! Consider yourself blessed and don't be afraid from the future!

 

Just one question... do you still have feelings for your ex and what sort of feelings?

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Thanks guys! The thing with anxiety disorders is that you are always so scared of the future but nothing EVER happens and things ALWAYS work out. I just need to rely on that when I'm scared.

 

About feelings for my ex:

 

- Since things are SO new with the new guy, he IS still my safe zone. When I think about him, I still think about safety and how I would feel safe with him - because it's what I have known for so long. However, I do understand that if things actually progress with new guy, he will become my safe zone too...

 

- I'm also genuinely concerned for my ex. I was with him when we ended high school and he studied SO hard to get into the best law school in the country and now to see him swift from his goal and give up on his career... it kind of makes me feel a little worried about him. Being with his friends on Sunday was weird because for the first time ALL of them demonstrated genuine concern about him. They were openly talking about how he changed, is on permanent vacations and is ALWAYS bailing on them. They jokingly said that I "screwed" up his head when I left him/wanted him back. That made me feel a little guilty. However, the guys were VERY nice to me and they were actually happy that I was seeing new guy. They know who he is and said he was a good guy. That also made it seem like things were definetly OVER with my ex since his best friends were not doing the whole "you are off limits, we don't want you dating other people, etc...". I tried blaming his new gf and be like "Guys, his new gf probably likes to stay in and might demand all of his attention and bla bla..." and they were like, "No, honestly, this is on him, it's his fault, bla bla". I feel sad because I love these guys and I know what they mean to my ex, they've all been friends for over 10 years, it's like his brothers. To hear them say that they didn't even call my ex on his bday because they haven't spoken to him for so long... I know they are his real friends and love him and will be there for him whenever he wants to be back with them, but it still made me a little sad you know?

 

After that I felt an urge to call him and act like his mother and be like, wth is happening with you? However, I quickly decided against it... I still feel like chatting with him and seeing what's up in a few weeks. He will always mean a lot to me.

 

Romantically, though, I'm happy with new guy. I actually think he is better for me at this point. He is older, more mature... and you know, I wanted a new experience and I think it will be good for me. I think if things get more serious and if my ex came back and asked for a second chance, I'd most probably stay with new guy. So in a way, I get what my ex went through last year when he was in my shoes.

 

So to answer your question, I feel nostalgic and worried and like I'll always care for him, but I honestly feel like right now I'm better off really.

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