usernamehere Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I've been with him for 2 1/2 yrs and we've basically had a sexual relationship. He's gotten engaged with his ex recently. I've spoken with him about it and he's stated that he doesn't want to lose me. I am fully aware that things like this eventually come out in the open. I don't want to stop seeing him but I also don't want to be in a possibly volatile situation if his fiance were to ever see me or find out about me. I have feelings for him but when I found out that he still wanted to continue our relationship after getting engaged, I actually feel sorry for her and am very glad he's not my bf/fiance. My body REALLY wants to continue but my morals wanted this to stop 1 1/2 yrs ago. I really need advice. I truly do feel for him and don't want to lose him but the engagement has put me in an extremely awkward position of 'possible home wrecker' or 'on the side'. Aldridal: I've been trying to stop for the past 1 1/2 yrs. It's not that easy. Amipushy: Thank you. I think I really needed it broken down this way to really grasp the situation I'm in. I'll word it like that to him and see what his response is. Either way, I know our relationship has to end. I'm really sad over this. Greywolf: Since we've been together, I've allowed my body to control me instead of my morals and common sense. I already know this. Rosephase: Thank you. Our relationship started as NSA but after 2 1/2 yrs we've become friends. We touched on the subject of us being together but this didn't get anywhere since he proposed to her 2 weeks ago. We both care for each other and have developed emotional attachments. I will have to see him face to face and explain the situations Amipushy described. But my main reason to see him is to cut this off. He suggested maybe we can stay friends w/o sex but I know this wouldn't last very long. I just wanted others advice/opinions. And I am truly sad to lose him, mainly as a friend but also as a sex partner. Oh and I'm assuming OP means original poster. Zackattack: How exactly am I a 'tool' for wanting sex? Everyone that has sex is a tool then, huh? This engagement was a total surprise to me. This is why I'm asking others. After I found out of the engagement, I told him our relationship was over the moment he asked her to marry. He replied he didn't want our relationship to end. But you really could have kept that info; you're only 17, still a child and have very little to no experience in this subject. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Have some self respect. He is a total jerk and is just using you for sex. I doubt he has any feelings for you. Leave him and don't be that loser woman! Link to comment
Seymore Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Have some self respect. He is a total jerk and is just using you for sex. Err....my understanding is that in a sex buddy situation, it takes two. Link to comment
amipushy Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Listen to your morals. While you have been wasting your time on this guy, he has wasted no time in getting back with his ex. Surely that shows you how much you really mean to him? What's it going to take? Their wedding? Her pregnancy? Their child? The longer you stay, the longer it will take to get over him and the longer you remain alone. Link to comment
rosephase Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 No really stop seeing him. Don't plan on hanging out with him. He has been cheating on you and this other girl. He is being awful to her and if you go along you are being awful to her as well. Why is it so hard to stop? Do you have feelings for him? It sounds like he thinks you do, he is trying to use the "not wanting to lose you" BS means he thinks you’re in love with him and he can keep you as a nice piece on the side and screw your morals. He is using you. And you are the one he thinks isn't good enough, he wants to marry the other one. You need to wake up and get him out of your life. Link to comment
annalisa84 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 If you continue sleeping with a man, that has a significant other or fiancee or wife, then you ARE a home wrecker. You are most likley hurting a totally innocent woman here who has no idea about you. Stop this or sooner or later when you're in love and devoted, you're partner will find a home wrecker like that. Karma is a b$#@! And if you do not believe in karma, believe in self-respect. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Not to sound rude but, find someone else to sleep with. He's engaged, what more do you need to know? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 stop sleeping with him and follow up with no contact forever. Link to comment
greywolf Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Aldridal: I've been trying to stop for the past 1 1/2 yrs. It's not that easy. So are you not in control of your own actions? Link to comment
Kumatora Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Listen to your morals. While you have been wasting your time on this guy, he has wasted no time in getting back with his ex. Surely that shows you how much you really mean to him? He has been cheating on you and this other girl. Guys, you have it all wrong! 1. Morals? While having sex friends? Hahaha... WHAT?! Having morals has nothing to do with having an open sexual relationship. 2. It's not cheating when you enter a sex friend "relationship." In fact it's not even a real relationship. From what I understand, it's having sex with no strings attached. Is there anything wrong with that? You be the judge on it. Sorry, but having a sex friend means there are no emotional connections with the other person and he/she is free to chose to jump in a relationship with another person. Lesson learned that this isn't a kind of game you can deal with. You have feelings for him and he's tying the knot. Not a good way to continue a sexual affair that supposedly means NO emotions attached. Both grounds have been violated. It's over, move on and leave this guy alone. Link to comment
greywolf Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Guys, you have it all wrong! 1. Morals? While having sex friends? Hahaha... WHAT?! 2. It's not cheating when you enter a sex friend "relationship." In fact it's not even a real relationship. From what I understand having a sex friend is basically having sex with no strings attached. Sorry, but having a sex friend means there are no emotional connections with the other person and he/she is free to chose to jump in a relationship with another person. Lesson learned that this isn't a kind of game you can deal with. You have feelings for him and he's tying the knot. Not a good way to continue a sexual affair that supposedly means NO emotions attached. Both grounds have been violated. It's over, move on and leave this guy alone. I agree with what you said except for the part that I bolded. Sleeping with someone isn't immoral. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Err....my understanding is that in a sex buddy situation, it takes two. she has feelings for him and I guess the guy probably knows if he is not stupid. Link to comment
amipushy Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Guys, you have it all wrong! 1. Morals? While having sex friends? Hahaha... WHAT?! Having morals has nothing to do with having an open sexual relationship. 2. It's not cheating when you enter a sex friend "relationship." In fact it's not even a real relationship. From what I understand, it's having sex with no strings attached. Is there anything wrong with that? You be the judge on it. Sorry, but having a sex friend means there are no emotional connections with the other person and he/she is free to chose to jump in a relationship with another person. Lesson learned that this isn't a kind of game you can deal with. You have feelings for him and he's tying the knot. Not a good way to continue a sexual affair that supposedly means NO emotions attached. Both grounds have been violated. It's over, move on and leave this guy alone. I was using a direct quote from the OP and how she feels. And it IS only your opinion. Link to comment
rosephase Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Guys, you have it all wrong! 1. Morals? While having sex friends? Hahaha... WHAT?! Having morals has nothing to do with having an open sexual relationship. 2. It's not cheating when you enter a sex friend "relationship." In fact it's not even a real relationship. From what I understand, it's having sex with no strings attached. Is there anything wrong with that? You be the judge on it. Sorry, but having a sex friend means there are no emotional connections with the other person and he/she is free to chose to jump in a relationship with another person. Lesson learned that this isn't a kind of game you can deal with. You have feelings for him and he's tying the knot. Not a good way to continue a sexual affair that supposedly means NO emotions attached. Both grounds have been violated. It's over, move on and leave this guy alone. For a lot of people FWB are real friends which mean real connections and real strings. Just because it's not a long term committed relationship doesn’t mean that any kind of emotional attachment is off the plate. I'm in an open sexual relationship and I have morals (my own). And this guy is cheating because he is getting married to someone who doesn't know that he is sleeping with this other girl. You are right he might be being totally honest with the OP and she is agreeing to it so he very well might not be cheating on her. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 it's time to break it off for good. he's moving on. you need to also. Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 You need to find a new FB to get your mind off him. Good luck. Link to comment
Portage Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 You need to find a new FB to get your mind off him. Good luck. you are so sensitive, Mutley Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 you are so sensitive, Mutley Just trying to help. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I think that you have very little perspective in this situation. You say that you feel sorry for her because she is engaged to him and he is having sex with you. At the same time from her position, I would feel sorry for you because you like the guy and obviously cannot give him up and you have nothing but a sexual relationship with him. You have obviously invested your emotions in this relationship and it is clearly more than sex. I dont see you being in a position of strength at the current time because you say that you have been trying to leave him for 1.5 years. I predict that this relationship will end when something dramatic happens i.e. you demand something more from him or his fiancee finds out. Link to comment
annalisa84 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I try to live my life respecting others, so I have the right to ask the same. I try not to hurt others, so I have the right to expect the same. IMO it doesn't really matter what was OP's relationship with the man up until now, what matters is that if she continues to sleep with a man that is engaged and the fiancee does not know about the "open relationship", doesn't know about the OP, then the OP is obvioulsy doing something wrong. One can fool herself that what the fiancee doesn't know, doesn't hurt.. But these things usually come out sooner or later, by disrespecting others, other people's relationships, their feelings, you cannot really ask anything else in return in your life, can you? Link to comment
Zackattack1029 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 You are what as called as a tool. You the guy has you because he wants to fulfill his sexual desire so when somebody comes along where he wants to start a relationship with. Your out the door. Whether you like it or not its what happens. Because you are not in a relationship he will leave you if he has to to see the love which he wants. If I were you I would not let you get in the way of his girl. Just leave him and let him be. Because sooner or later that's what is going to happen. People want "friends with benefits" because they think people wont get hurt but in truth... You get hurt just as much because you still get that attachment with the person. So "friends with benefits" is really just an untitled relationship much like you are having with your man. Link to comment
Mrs.HolyHackJack Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Without your morals who are you? Link to comment
Divine_Malice Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 I don't want to sound rude as I don't know the situation but how can you actually ask this. Yes its wrong and yes you would be an awful person for continuing a relationship knowing he is engaged. Yeah he doesn't sound like a keeper anyways. You just got to do the right thing and walk away. Just stay strong with the answer you gave him end the communication. Link to comment
Seymore Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 she has feelings for him and I guess the guy probably knows if he is not stupid. I was referring more to the "He's using you for sex" part. They're sex buddies. They use each other for sex. Unless there's some deeper bond that sex buddies have. Link to comment
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